[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Havent had a license for two years, another 3 years to go from may, the last seizure. My fiance brings me places when he can, but he works till 6 every day and when hes not working i am. Im feeling so crappy about myself, i used to be so independent. Now im stuck at home all day every day. No way to go anywhere. We live far from everything. Im feeling so clausterphobic, so down on myself, im going crazy. I just dont know what to do. Driving was my favorite thing to do once upon a time. Now im terrified of it, and even if it wasnt i cant drive. I know its not the end of the world but its the end of an old phase, where i did what i enjoyed, when i wanted. Now im stuck with my thoughts, stuck alone, stuck... i am going insane right now. I just wish i could get out. No matter how many hobbies i have at home, it never changes the fact that i am stuck.

I dont know why im posting this, normally i just push these feelings to the side, suck it up, but i just dont know what to do...

[Open Eyes]

(((Purple))),

Well that is a big thing to push aside, I can't blame you for feeling trapped. So is it that you are not allowed to drive because you had a seisure? How long do you have to go without one until you can drive again? Can you at least get a bike so you can do some bike rides?

Can you arrange for someone to drive you somewhere at least once a week, you know a personal driver? Can you and your bf see if you can find an apartment closer to town where you can walk places?

I am just trying to think of ways you are not couped up.
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[shezbut]

(((PurpleFlyingMonkeys)))

I have been in that crummy position myself, back when I lived in Ca. myself. Thankfully, Mn. has much more flexibility with E than Ca! When I lived there, one had to be seizure-free for one year or more to be eligible to renew the DL.

It did take a few years of busing, walking, and asking others for rides before my sz's became controlled for a little bit. But, yeah, those 3 years or so were pretty rough! Thankfully, I lived in Ventura, so there were a few options to help me get around. Plus the town is relatively small and I didn't mind walking. What town do you live in (or near)?

Out of curiosity, have you tried medical marijuana to treat your sz's? If so, has it helped? Have you noticed any patterns with your sz's? What brings them on, what type are they, etc? There are support communities and resources if you ever need it.

http://www.epilepsy.com

My first neurologist was a paranoid guy, it seemed as though he never wanted me to get my DL back. If your sz's only occur in sleep, then they can't be used against you with your DL. Check out the site above (if you haven't already), there's lots of info and resources to refer to.

Best wishes and gentle hugs to you!

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you both. Open, that is a great idea, I will definately look into it. My daughter will be starting pre k in the fall so it will free up time to get out of the house maybe call a cab or something. I've considered bikes but we live down a winding road with the speed limit 45, and no side walks. I've been thinking about moving into a house closer to town when the lease is up in October, it would help a great deal.

Shezbut, I don't live in California, I live on the other side of the country, I only chose california to throw off a past abuser that knew about this site, that tried to use it against me in court a couple of years ago. I guess I could change it now lol. Here in my state it's 3 years after the last seizure. My last one was on May the second.

No doctor believes that I have epilepsy. I'm 25, no family history of it at all, and never had one until a completely moronic decision to experiment with psychadelic mushrooms. Bad bad bad decision for someone with so many mental health problems like me. I only did it once, but experienced a grand mal seizure from it back in August. I certainly will never touch it or anything like it for the rest of my life. It was horrifying for me, and for those who witnessed it. Perhaps my mind is altered enough with it's mental state that that just put too much of a strain on it. So I went to the ER, went to a neuro, went to doctor after doctor, all of them assuring me that I would not have another seizure, that it was due to my mushroom use that night. So I stopped worrying about it.

I have been using marijuanna for 3 years, since I lived in Colorado and had it perscribed for my appetite. I am lactose intollerant and have celiacs so eating anything is quite a challenge, and at the time they did not realize I was allergic to wheat, so I was sick all of the time and the marijuanna was so much help through all of that. I moved to my current state where it's not legal yet, and will admit I did not stop, I needed it to eat. And it's destressing elements were great too. All the way until my seizure in May. The doctors wont give me any meds to help my anxiety or anything until I stop smoking marijuanna so I stopped. It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I've tried quitting cigarettes time and time again with no luck, marijuanna has been a breeze. It's just tough because I'm on no medication at all now. Waiting to get meds, once I see my pdoc on the 5th of July. She wont give me anything until I can prove to her that I can stop smoking, so that's what I'm doing.

The day of my second seizure, I woke up at 4:30am (as I do every morning I work the 7am shift), got ready for work, smoked more than I should have of the marijuanna, and since my license was suspended, my fiance was driving me when I just started to feel out of it, within seconds I went into a seizure, a couple minutes later my fiance was yelling my name and we were far down the road.

My general practitioner believed my seizures are due to migraines. But he isn't aware of the DID diagnosis and that the migraines are a result of the DID, my t and pdoc believe they were psuedoseizures. Although I don't remember anything about them, I did have an anxiety attack before both of the seizures.

None of the doctors think I will have another seizure, but they said that last time. So I'm not on seizure meds, I'm still trying to save up $300 for my first visit with the other neurologist in town, I don't know what why or how this keeps happening. I can't figure it out. They have ideas but none of them really know for sure, and as I've been told, no one will ever know.

How do I ever feel safe getting behind the wheel when I could have another seizure? The first and second one were 9 months apart, how do I know that I wont have one when I do get my license back if I do?

Thank you both again for the replies, I really appreciate it, it's helped already