[SoupDragon]

My father died a few weeks ago and although not connected, for the last few days I have had strong memories of someone (unpleasant) I last saw 32 years ago.

The person from 32 years ago is very strong in my head right now - even googled him and have an up to date image right there in my brain (why on earth did I do that!).

Everything is mixed up in my head and at the moment, the events that happened 32 years ago are clearer than my own father in my head. Like I saw that man more recently than I saw my father.

My question really is, how do we know if a memory was from last week or 20 years ago? How are they represented to us in terms of date order and is there a different impact from a recent memory versus an older one. Actually on second thoughts, I am not sure I know what I am asking, everything is just a little jumbled up right now. Can anyone unjumble me?

[happiedasiy]

Dear Soup,
Memories are not linear to dates' rather they are brought to our current self by 2 ways. Order of importance good/bad and how those emotions attatched, effect us today.
When these negative memories come to mind you have to tell yourself, my father was a flawed man, and I wish he could of been a better father.
Also remind yourself that you are still grieving and allow yourself more time to heal.
May you feel better today!

[SoupDragon]

Thanks Happiedasiy - it is odd, the memories from 32 years ago seem much clearer and more recent than those from 5 weeks ago. For many years they were blurred and outside my conscious awareness and now they are there bright and vivid. Why should they come back now after all this time so clearly.

[Perna]

Memories are part of our information processing equipment and so are kind of like thoughts or feelings; they are evoked when something "related" evokes them. It could just be this person reminds you of your father in some unknown way (like dream images and your unconscious) or at the moment it is "easier" for you to think about him than your father, etc. It is interesting that he has come up stronger than your father; it's interesting (to me :-) that I think about and miss my father-in-law more than my own father, although I had a good, loving relationship with my father, too.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

My father died a few weeks ago and although not connected, for the last few days I have had strong memories of someone (unpleasant) I last saw 32 years ago.

The person from 32 years ago is very strong in my head right now - even googled him and have an up to date image right there in my brain (why on earth did I do that!).

Everything is mixed up in my head and at the moment, the events that happened 32 years ago are clearer than my own father in my head. Like I saw that man more recently than I saw my father.

My question really is, how do we know if a memory was from last week or 20 years ago? How are they represented to us in terms of date order and is there a different impact from a recent memory versus an older one. Actually on second thoughts, I am not sure I know what I am asking, everything is just a little jumbled up right now. Can anyone unjumble me?

soup, I don't know the answer to your question, but I suppose the context of the memory puts it in a time frame.

I also want to share with you that when my father died, I had all kinds of memories surface for quite a while afterwards. Not unpleasant memories. So I wondered, where had they been all this time?

Our minds are so amazing.

Where "are" the memories until they are evoked? Where do the come from? How are they evoked? What is that process? So amazing!

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

soup, I don't know the answer to your question, but I suppose the context of the memory puts it in a time frame.

I also want to share with you that when my father died, I had all kinds of memories surface for quite a while afterwards. Not unpleasant memories. So I wondered, where had they been all this time?

Our minds are so amazing.

Where "are" the memories until they are evoked? Where do the come from? How are they evoked? What is that process? So amazing!

Thanks Echoes - yes amazing - it is good for me to remember to be interested in these things and not threatened by them - thank-you for reminding me (jogging my memory ) Soup

Memory is indeed a strange & fascinating thing.

As the replies above state it's emotional connection which makes some memories stronger than others. This is why someone with dementia often remembers events from their childhood/young years (when we are very impressionable) but may not remember what happened yesterday - not that you have dementia, but I use this as an illustration of how some memories remain when others don't.

As to what triggered these memories when you say the person was unconnected to your father I can't say. Could it be that you are feeling generally more sensitive & emotionally charged?