[Spirit0662]

I am diagnosed BPD & PTSD among several other things. My 14 year-old daughter was recently admitted to the local psych hospital for cutting and suicidal thoughts. This is her 2nd admission after her assault last fall.

So, here's my thing. Why do I feel like this is a hush-hush kinda thing? If she were in a car accident, fell off a chair, etc., etc., I would be sharing with everyone asking for prayers and thoughts for her speedy recovery. But with this, I've only shared with a few people.

Am I ashamed that this my reflect on my parenting? Am I trying to protect her? I don't announce my disorders but I don't shy away from telling people about them either. So, why do I feel like this is a stigma for her? It doesn't make sense.

I keep thinking about the commercials on tv now regarding mental issues. High profile people showing that psychiatric issues shouldn't be hidden, so why do we still do it?

I know, a lot of why, why, why's. I guess it just is.

[Leed]

Mental health issues should NOT be hidden or a stigma attached to them,but in this country there DOES seem to be a tendency to attach stigmas to them. I wish it wasn't so, but it is. Things ARE getting better but we haven't reached that point yet.

I don't mind telliing people that I have mental issues, but with my kids & granddaughter, it's another issue. I HAVE told some people that my granddaughter is in therapy. I haven't hesitated iin doing that -- so maybe I'm "coming around." LOL

BPD & PTSD are diseases, at least in MY book, much like diabetes. They may not be considered as such by the AMA or other such organizations, but *I* consider them diseases. They can't be cured, so................ I think we should treat people with these illnesses with dignity and understanding. And perhaps we SHOULD let people know who has them. Maybe they'd get better treatment than they would WITHOUT anyone knowiing. It's worth a try.

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Since this is your daughter's condition rather than your own, it is respectful of her privacy to share only with people who can be trusted to treat the information and situation with respect and privacy. If your daughter wants the information "out there", at her age, that really needs to be her call. I don't see that as an issue of stigma, just one of respect and also of safety. You are dealing with something much more complex than a broken bone or diabetes in that this is not purely a medical issue. It involves emotions and triggers and pretty delicate balancing of many different facets. You can talk about a medical illness or a car accident or a broken bone with pretty much anyone because their talk about it or reaction to it isn't going to make the medical illnes or broken bone worse, but people's reactions to issues of mental health can be quite damaging if those reactions aren't supportive and helpful. We do have to be careful of that. For me it isn't so much a matter of stigma or hiding it fromt he world but of self-care, or in your instance looking out for the overall care of your daughter.

I agree with Chris as far as your daughter is concerned. And it does relate in a way to the old stigma things we all face.
MI is "weakness"..."shameful"...etc, this is still the way it is IRL unfortunately. Sometimes I believe it myself and that really bothers me.

[sunblossom]

The science of MI is still too wishy washy for most folks to swallow. Stigmas are there because the science is too weak. MI is big business. Big Pharm is recognized as the enemy of the people. MI is a profit machine run by big business. The suspicions and the stigma grows. Every tom richard and harry is getting a dx for some MI or another these days. The doubting and the stigma grows. Treatment is a crap shoot. The disbelief and the stigma grows.

People can share their testimonies and it won't change much because they are often testimonies of great success in overcoming. All that does is magnify the stigma for those of us who don't have success stories to share. 'He did it. What is wrong with you?' The evidence against my MI dx legitimacy is against me because I am not recovering. Therefore in the eyes of those who see me, the fact that I am still struggling while others have regained their lives is an additional slam against me. Can't win. It is what it is. People will think what they think and if we care then we keep MI stories to ourselves.

[sunblossom]

My son shows definate signs of MI issues like his mother. I don't talk to people about it because I blame myself. Had he not grown up with me he would no doubt have faired better. Stigma or no stigma, my selfishness, my pride prevents me from being open about his issues. Sure, his privacy comes into play but if I am honest with myself I don't want people to know the depth of harm I have caused my son so I don't talk about it. My son manages his symptoms much better than I do. Maybe because he has watched me fail he has learned how to succeed. Who knows. Either way, he is better off without the labels and the stigma.

I can only speak from my own experiences, and from where I live:

I think there are degress of stima. And it is all based on other peoples fears. When the illness reaches a certain degree, people don't know what to expect from the other person anymore (in terms of holding it all together) and they wonder if they "safe" to be around.

For instance, if someone talks about going to T, or 2 Ts, most people respond, "ooo really. who are you seeing? do you like this or that person?" Or they will just nod in agreement and smile politely and on to the next topic.

If someone says, "I am depressed", most people brush it off, and may even say, "so... who isn't".

If someone says, "I take x-y-z for my depression, anxiety, etc.", most people will say "oh, really...I took z and it didn't really help me. but x is great"

Then it starts getting into the fuzzy area, where people start thinking about themselves and their own safety and well-being.

And how the illness REFLECTS on them simply by association.

And that is the point to where is it considered to hot to touch.

***

I don't like it. I don't like it at all. And I am empathetic and compassionate on all accounts. But there are simply things we cannot discuss because it makes other people feel uncomfortable. It's the sad reality.

(I closed my FB account because I realized there is not ONE SINGLE PERSON on there that I can share anything about myself with. espcially en toto. That is not a "Friend" to me)

[Mike_J]

Originally Posted by Spirit0662

so why do we still do it?

I know, a lot of why, why, why's. I guess it just is.

We do it because we have to. To tell others of your mental health issues is to invite scorn, ridicule and rejection. I’m not saying this is right, it’s HORRIBLE that it still goes on, but that is the world we live in. And yes there are some celebrities that have come out and admitted their mental health issues, and I applaud them for doing so. But how many of them did it before they became wealthy/famous enough that rejection wasn’t really a fear anymore?

[Odee]

The worst irony about mental illness is that social stigma denies what MI sufferers need the most -- compassion, understanding, and support not only during periods of distress but throughout their lifetime. MI is not only a disability, its a disability that demands you act like you're completely fine. This is an irony that frustrates me so very much.

I think that it should be up to your daughter in regards to how much information you choose to disclose about her condition. I would ask her how she would like you to talk about or explain what she is going through.

[sunblossom]

Originally Posted by Odee

MI is not only a disability, its a disability that demands you act like you're completely fine. This is an irony that frustrates me so very much.

Well said.

[Spirit0662]

You all have brought up some very valid points and most I can relate to. Thank you for the reminder that it could be more of a protection of her privacy than a fear. I also can see my own fears with my parenting. Might people look at me as a bad mother? hmmm. That probably hits as close to home as it can get.

This has been a great discussion for me. Thanks everyone.

[sunblossom]

yes it does got close to home doesn't it. Just another reminder that while we may be parents we are also flawed human beings who have little to know parenting experience before flung out to sea.

I think so long as we can keep the lines of communication open we stand a fighting chance. I hope good things for your daughter and your family as you seek to support her the very best you can. All we can ever do is love them and let them know we are here for them always.