[Katezz]

Please help me, I feel like I'm going insane..

Sometimes I feel extremely creative and happy, have all these ideas/thoughts etc. But it feels like I don't know how to express them.. I want to do them all at the same time, it drives me crazy!
Whenever I feel like that, I also feel extraordinarily great. (like I have all the powers in the world, please don't take this the wrong way) I make poor decisions, like re-decorating my whole house in the middle of the night.. or spending too much money on things I don't need.
But I can get so irritated and hyper at the same time.. and there's this side of me, that scares me. Like making a hit list, thoughts of hurting people who once did me wrong. These thoughts are most of the time violent. I think that no one will catch me, that nothing will happen to me. Because I feel so powerful. And that there's nothing in the world what I CAN'T do.
But, all that I just described will fade, and then I will feel hopeless, worthless, hurt and deep deep sorrow. Have suicidal thoughts. Self-harm and cry all day, hating my reflection in the mirror. Regretting all my decisions, feelings so ashamed for who I am, I don't feel like waking up, cleaning, shopping, eating and even taking care of myself.. This goes on to the point where I just feel numb, I can't cry or feel anymore.

Please help me, what is wrong with me. This just can't go on like this, I know that. I don't want to hurt someone nor myself.. I know all of you guys will say that I need to see a therapist, but I don't know if I'm overreacting, or that I am exaggerating. A therapist is meant for people that really need the help, not for someone who is just overreacting.

So am I overreacting?? Does anyone know what could be wrong with me??
Please help, what should I do?

[Skyhawk75]

Hi Katezz,

Have you talked to a doctor about this? It might at least make you feel better if you could find out what is going on. There are a number of things it could be. I know I have felt like I could do anything, but my anxiety holds me back and I feel down or frustrated. it is important that you get some answers and we will support you too. I am new here but I have dealt with my disorders for years. I can give you my support and a little advice. if you feel the need to call a crisis center go ahead. They will help.

[Puffyprue]

Hi katezz welcome to Pc

i think it would best to talk to your doctor and find help in real life , here i am afraid the only thing we could do support you emotionally
hope you will find the support that you looking for here and in real

hugs

Hi Katezz... Welcome to PC Reaching out is a great first step. Like Puffyprue stated, you should start with your regular doctor. Keep posting about how things are going

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Welcome to pc.

Let me start by saying you are not over reacting. What you mentioned above is definately good reason to seek help. I can't tell you what you have because it's not very helpful. I know you want an idea but we are not trained here to give that, and if we did give our opinion (even if we were trained) it could possibly do more harm than good. Not to mention that we don't know anything other than what you just posted here about your troubles, and often it takes multiple sessions before a t/pdoc can come close to accurately diagnosing you.

But they can help you find ways to cope while they try to find out what's going on. Remember not to worry about the name as much as the symptoms you are experiencing. The name doesn't give you trouble, it's the symptoms that do.

It could be any number of things, but with it effecting you do badly, I'd really suggest getting a t to help you sort this out