[Reverencenproximity]

It comes with the territory of social isolation. Small talk becomes a challenging task. I find myself desensitized... Quite numb to things I shouldnt be numb to. Something as simple as a phone call takes hours or days to follow through with. The little trips into the world are out of necessity: groceries, running, work, taking care of my dog or truck. I make short work of public interface, it seems now that nothing can make you stand out more. Sometimes I think about how I will feel if I grow old and reflect on the exile I cast myself in during my twenties (assuming I break out of this cycle at some point). Will I consider these years as squandered time in a short life? I suppose it doesn't really matter. I don't know why I'm writing this. I've developed a wonderfuly fake front to put on for those I interact with. Feign interest, smile, joke... All the while counting down the social ques to end the conversation and move on. I don't mind the light joking at work. Loud machinery and a fast paced environment does not culture complex conversation. Still, each cursory glance of the people I see resonates more as looking at an aquarium or tv screen. Further and further away...

[Leed]

I assume you would like to get out of this isolation, correct? Would you perhaps be open to therapy? How about talking to a therapist for awhile? I can certainly understand the isolation. I tend to lean that way myself, and have to be very careful about that. I've been in and out of therapy most of my adult life and it has helped me immensely in several different areas!! I highly recommend it.

If you can, make an appointment with a good psychologist or psychiatrist and give it a try. You won't regret it, I promise.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Reverencenproximity]

I tried therapy... I quit after she touched my face. She had scheduled two appointments the same hour and subsequently had to reschedule me when I showed up. She told me this and I guess she saw a look of disappointment in my eyes and gently stroked my right cheek with the knuckle of her index finger... It makes my skin crawl thinking about it. I have this thing about keeping my face clean. She didn't know, but it didn't matter to me. As for the isolation... I'll admit it's cozy.

[Reverencenproximity]

Thank you for your comment

[brackenbeard]

does anything pop out at you so far as what you should do to"break out of this cycle", as you put it. you sound intelligent. whaddya think?

[di meliora]

Imagine a man who doesn't believe in anything, hope for anything, doesn't love anyone. This is a description of a dead or paralyzed soul. This happens from great grief, or from an unhappy upbringing when parents make from their children's souls paralytics. ~Simon Soloveychik

I expect many can relate. Can you?

[Reverencenproximity]

Originally Posted by di meliora

I expect many can relate. Can you?

...sounds familiar

[Sanada]

[Still, each cursory glance of the people I see resonates more as looking at an aquarium or tv screen. Further and further away]

Wow, sounds lonely. I hope you are able work it out.
tgc.

[Reverencenproximity]

I don't feel lonely at all. Just parallel, like I'm not a part of anything. I'm like an alien in public, visiting a distant world when I'm not alone. When I'm by myself, i'm at home.