[InTheShadows]

Hi all,

i wish i didn't give a damn and could just exit peacefully, but i can't.

i have to go to the hospital today. i am going to try to make it through a few hours at work to wrap up loose ends, but don't know how that will go.

i will be home later and may come on to get support before i go in.

i'm scared and pretty much hopeless that anything will ever change at this point.

thank you all for being there for me and loving me enough that i care about how something i do will impact you. I don't want to u hurt because i don't want to hurt and decide to do something stupid.

so regardless of how crappy i feel, or the level of sadness that exists within, i am willing to get help so i don't end my life and impact others causing them pain.

huggles,
shady

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I've gone to a mental hospital myself, and I'm so glad I did. It was the BEST thing i could have done for myself. I committed myself so I could leave at any time, but once I got there I didn't WANT to leave. I felt so safe there --- I felt like I was really makiing alot of progress. But they MADE me leave after I got to a certain point of progress, darn it.

I wish you the very best, and I know that you're going to feel better, and that this WILL be the best thing you could do for yourself. I KNOW that you willl be glad you did this.

So just relax, and try to take care of YOU for a change. Please keep us posted when you can. God bless and prayers are coming your way. BIG hugs, Lee

[splitimage]

Good for you for knowing you need help and asking for it. I've been on the psych ward twice, both tiemes voluntarily, and both times really helped a lot.

I hope that you get the support you need.

splitimage

[puzzclar]

It's not like how blueophelia2 has said, or at least not all the time. It all depends on how you come in, committed or voluntary. For a good majority it is a relatively good experience, but for others it's the opposite. Out of the 4 times I have been only one has had a code called...

Glad you feel the way you do Shadows. Yes, when the pressures reach a certain point decisions have to be made. You're making the right one here. Real help starts with the professionals and in truth they ARE there to try and help. If this route can help, you owe it to yourself to take it. Perhaps keep in touch with PC if you can. Cheers ok? Hope you can share a thought before heading out. Take care...it's all good.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Good luck shadows......

and I think it depends on the facility...I never made it to the quiet room but I probably should have been the first night I was there, I was so paranoid I was planning my escape I was milling about in the hallway all night, in and out of the room....kinda pissed off my roomate...lol

mine seemed a little disorganized I went to the emergency room and then to the behavioral health unit and at the time for the state I was in I never went to the group sessions until my last 2 days so I cant really comment on that. There was only one clock on the whole floor so I never knew what the the heck time it was. lol

[InTheShadows]

This will be trip #10 I believe. So I'm not naive. I feel it will not help but don't see any other choice.

[Bmee2]

If you can, intheshadows, this time go and let go with all of your weight.
Do not fight the sadness, depression, just stop fighting. Let go...okay...go to the bathroom....but just let go...maybe in a day or two you will feel like talking but...just be for the time being.

[puzzclar]

Let it help, don't fight, just let go. Easier said than done.

[Amazonmom]

I love you forever my friend. I am so glad you were able to recognize you needed help. You have always always always been there for me when I needed you, please take care of yourself. I want us to be little old ladies ,friends giving the nursing home staff hell!

Hugs, love, care, everything to you.

[junkDNA]

going into a hospital at all , even just a medical one, to visit someone, not even for me, is traumatic

InTheShadows, I do apologize if my post was offensive to you. I am afraid that part of my disorder is impulsiveness paired with giant mood swings. I was literally tortured during my nine month stay at one of the psych wards I was jailed in at the age of 15. Some things never leave you. I have a great deal of anger and fear from the experience. I do hope that you find the relief that you need at this time.

Sincerely, BlueOphelia2

[Onward2wards]

(((((((((( Shadows ))))))))))

I wish you all the best, my friend! You were so supportive of me when I reached out for help in this same way, and I want to be there for you, too. I know very well how scary it can be.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by blueophelia2

InTheShadows, I do apologize if my post was offensive to you. I am afraid that part of my disorder is impulsiveness paired with giant mood swings. I was literally tortured during my nine month stay at one of the psych wards I was jailed in at the age of 15. Some things never leave you. I have a great deal of anger and fear from the experience. I do hope that you find the relief that you need at this time.

Sincerely, BlueOphelia2

hey, i was imprisioned in a torturuos cycle of HELL ON EARTH (residential, lock-down, semi-wilderness) program for 8 months of my life when i was 16. it was eventualy investigated for child abuse, shut down, and bought out

PM me abt it if u want to know more.

Maybe say hi to us soon Shadows...best wishes to you during this time. Take it easy.

[googley]

((((((((((((Shadows)))))))))))))))))))))

I am so glad you are reaching out for help. I know how hard of a decision this is. I hope that you can get the help that you need. I would be devastated if you had taken the other path. Thank you for asking for help. We are here for you and hoping and praying for you. I hope that you are able to find ways to feel better and stay safe at the same time. Love you, always have always will. And it wont just be you and amazon giving those nursing home attendants a run for their money, I'll be there too!

[tigerlily84]

I don't know you but I think you are incredibly brave to be able to recognize that you need help. When I reached my own breaking point I wish I had gone to the hospital. Best wishes to you.

[InTheShadows]

I'm at the hospital. Wanna run.

[catrules]

Breathe deeply

[InTheShadows]

2 hrs later no Dr. Nurse read out my chart to patient in next room, then realized cuz he wasn't a she. Insisted I pay though the fee is waived if I'm admitted. I should get up and walk out

[junkDNA]

wow, **** the mental health system... stay if u feel un-safe..

Go with the flow as best you can for now Shadows. It's a slightly imperfect process perhaps but what isn't? I'm thinking and wishing the best. Hang in...the current stress will lessen. You're doing this for you. I don't know you but I'm thinking of you. I admitted myself about 10 yrs ago on the suggestion of my doctor after a bit of a breakdown. Please don't quit. Any improvements are worth the time and effort. Hope you're getting some rest tonight. Take care Shadows...you have support here at PC.

Originally Posted by catrules

Breathe deeply

And carry a big stick!

Hi InTheShadows - i don't know what the current situation is but if you are still in hospital i hope that things are more settled for you know. When i was admitted it took me a couple of days to even see the psychiatrist who admitted me, let alone get assessed for groups etc. As another poster pointed out it is an imperfect process so don't get too disheartened - you're there because you want to get better and feel that extra support at this time is needed. I would recommend however that if you feel your voice isn't being heard you apply to an advocacy service and remember you're well within your right to ask to have your treatment plan reassessed at any time. I hope whatever happens from here your situation improves. All the best.

[InTheShadows]

i left the er. started driving, no idea where to. idk how long later i decided to go to the preserve near by. i drove around trying to find the entrance so i could wander into the woods and die when i passed a cop. i kept driving and stopped on a road with no streetlights. I was about to get out of my car and lay in the middle of the road when something took over and drove me to the cop that was parked. crisis team comes and takes me to a behavioral observation unit. if i don't sign in voluntarily they will commit me, so i sign voluntarily. the nurse on duty spends less than a minute with me, refuses to assess me, and discharges me, but makes me wait 9 hours until the next shift comes on. i tell them i haven't been assessed and they refuse to assess me saying the discharge paperwork is complete. they won't let me leave on my own, insist i have a way to get back to my apartment. so they call for and pay for a cab. as i'm walking out the door the cabbie asks if i have any bags. the nurse says no. so I said, no bags, no keys to my apartment, we're good!

now i'm in my apartment wondering why i'm bothering typing this, as if it matters.

should probably note i even told the intake worker today was the day. even after i signed the discharge paperwork and the blank discharge instructions i told michael w and steven all i wanted was to be kept safe for today. but in the end, nobody cares. i bet the video footage and recordings of my stay in the observ. unit will mysteriously disappear.

way to go america, promote that dream