a strange situation, need good advice

so a strange thing started happening to me one day in out-patient. i was sitting in group, and suddenly i begn noticing my breathing. i noticed that i couldn't stop being aware of it. this went on for awhile, but over time it sort of went away. now its come back again.

my thinking on this:

it was my initial anxiety they led me to having irrational thoughts, like "i can't stop this. I'm stuck. What's the solution to this. Nothing works. Oh no, how long is this going to continue."

I've been speculating on this for a little while. Trying to figure out what is going on. Here's my hypothesis.

It started with anxiety. Which led to irrational thoughts. Some of these thoughts at first seemed to me to be rational, in a way, it was like well how do i get out of this situation? How can I stop being aware of my breathing?

I tried thinking my way out of this, but nothing worked. I just keep ping-ponging back and forth with a mixture of catastrophic thoughts and thoughts of what to do. I believe this: it is fear that drives me to have all these thoughts. like... "how do i stop this. how do i get unstuck, what can i do. this is going to haunt me for a long time."

these irrational thoughts were anxiety-fueled. what i was really dealing with is anxiety and fear. and my mind created thoughts which seemed rational at times, but were really just irrational or semi-rational, and the product of fear and anxiety.

for a long time i've lived with a fear. a fear that this awareness might come back. i don't want to live with this fear anymore.

now when any thoughts related to this awareness cross my mind, i just let them pass. i don't know if this is the best way... but it's the result i came too.

are their any articles that might help me deal with this strange situation? i feel like i've been in a cycle of fear, and i'm trying to step out of it.

thanks, as always.

- B

I'm not sure I understand - are you saying the awareness of your breath is connected with your awareness of your anxiety?

Either way, I don't think the awareness is the problem -- when you allow your anxious thoughts to pass by, that is still with a degree of awareness. I think the question is what you do and how you function when these thoughts are happening?

Please do clarify. I'm confused and I'd like to understand better.

I am confused as well. I'm not sure what it is you are trying to say.

well let's try and clarify: when i become aware of my breathing, then i start thinking "what do i do?" " how do i make this stop?" What I'm saying is those thoughts seem to... be irrational? maybe not? are they? idk.

maybe it's a wrong mindset?

the fact that i'm thinking about something related to breathing... i mean, makes me aware of breathing. i'm wondering does thinking about breathing prolong my awareness of it? and what about those thoughts? are they just adding fuel to the fire, and should i dismiss them, and try and just keep going about my life?

my hypothesis: this whole awareness of breathing started with an anxious thought. namely "what if i can't stop being aware of it", "oh no, what's going to happen to me?"

so is any thought i have related to breathing, an anxiety fueled thought? in virtue of the fact that i become aware of my breathing. i don't think that's right... but the fact is i remain aware of my breathing for long periods of time.

i'm starting to get confused here haha... i'm doing the best i can just to cope with it. does that clarify it a little?

thanks for the responses.

-B

Sounds a lot like an anxiety attack, even if a mild one.

For a lot of people their panic disorder seems to stem entirely from somatic symptoms -- breath, pulse, sensations on their skin, etc -- they focus on their symptoms so intensely that the anxiety, and the sensations, get worse, and feelings of despair follow.

So for some, intense worrying may lead them to anxiety, but others experience the physical component before getting stuck in the mental one.

I hope that helps a little. It doesn't sound all that strange to me. I had a period where I exercised very reluctantly because exercise made me breath hard which made me feel trapped in the belief that I couldn't breathe normally.

I agree with Odee, sounds like an anxiety attack. Have you tried doing something to distract yourself mentally so you do not remain focused on your breathing?

Anxiety is a cycle. It goes thought, body, thought, body, thought. What I mean is anxiety is a spiral. Picture it. You have a thought. In your case, it would be "oh my breathing is wierd". Then you have a physiological reaction: your breathing speeds up, u may get sweaty. Then the thoughts: "oh no what's happening to me. Omg!" etc. and then more body reactions: u start to feel faint due to shallow breathing, the walls start closing in, etc etc. more thoughts: I'm gonna die. Omg what's happening. (I'm being joking here but u see what I mean). And it keeps going. That is the cycle of a panic attack.

Do u have a t? Are u on anxiety meds?

It does sound like anxiety and depression. I have had that, and it was counting as funny as it sounds. I just kept counting in my head. I could not stop. I really could not stop, and the more I tried the more I counted. I attribute a lot of this too to stress. I don't handle stress very well even though I would like to think I can. Sometimes it just feels like my brain is tired, very tired!

I find that I just have to shut the world out somehow for a while..no phone, no t.v..nothing..no answering the door...just pull the blinds or curtains and say screw it.....I am done for a day.........or sometimes just getting away helps...by myself, somewhere where there is nature and serenity!

Hope you feel better. You are on overload!!!Time to unload the "stuff!"