[thickntired]

Hi,

I have 2 friends that are male and both have strong features of long term depression. They refuse to see a pdoc or even a Dr and say never ever on the meds. One went so far as to say he would never take an antidepressant because he knows "people who have died from taking them." It seems like over the years very few men I've known have owned up to being on any psych medication while many of my female friends are the opposite

I believe fewer men are diagnosed with mental illness. So, are men avoiding help from pdocs? And aside from the sexual side effects, why avoid medication?

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by thickntired

Hi,

I have 2 friends that are male and both have strong features of long term depression. They refuse to see a pdoc or even a Dr and say never ever on the meds. One went so far as to say he would never take an antidepressant because he knows "people who have died from taking them." It seems like over the years very few men I've known have owned up to being on any psych medication while many of my female friends are the opposite

I believe fewer men are diagnosed with mental illness. So, are men avoiding help from pdocs? And aside from the sexual side effects, why avoid medication?

Well I am female so I cannot really say, but it is quite possible for drugs to have nasty side effects even if they are prescription. I tried prozac for my depression and that caused all kinds of crap to go wrong, so after that incident I decided never to take SSRIs again. Right now i am prescribed klonopin and mirtazapine. I know the mirtazapine is an anti-depressant but its not an SSRI and hasn't caused any noticeable side effects really other then its somewhat sedating properties but I don't mind that side effect.

[unaluna]

"they say" that men go to bars and/or drink, and women go to therapy. so I don't know how you would do a head count, but you could be right.

[pegasus]

Men are less inclined to talk about their feelings than women. I don't remember the exact statistics but an awful lot of young men commit suicide because they cannot talk about their feelings. It is very worrying that men feel they cannot share or get help for emotional problems.

[nicoleb2]

It is way more common for women to seek help, I suppose probably because it's more socially accepted.. Thankfully, my husband got over the "i can't seek help" mentality and he is on meds now too

[thickntired]

Thank you all for your input! It's just frustrating because I feel like I can't offer any help.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[TheDragon]

There's a whole variety of reasons that people, male and female, choose not to go on medications ranging from the potential side effects of the medication, how taking meds may affect their life, to the social stigma surrounding it (which is something men are more weary of than women). At the end of the day, it is definitely a personal choice, so long a person is realistic about what's going on.

The next thing to keep in mind is that as a friend, there is a lot more you can do to help than point someone in the direction of a psychiatrist. Just be their friend, offer them an ear, and let them know you are there for them. In the long run, a real friendship will do wonders to someone's life.

[venusss]

The next thing to keep in mind is that as a friend, there is a lot more you can do to help than point someone in the direction of a psychiatrist. Just be their friend, offer them an ear, and let them know you are there for them. In the long run, a real friendship will do wonders to someone's life.

this.

Tbh, I am female through-and-through and if friend kept pushing me to get on pills... they may not be my friends for very long.

sometimes having somebody you can rant to, chill with without having to put on happy face, somebody who will not judge... it's the best remedy. And you can offer that...

[seeker1950]

My best friend is married to a man who is definitely in depression. They are both retired. He stays up all night watching TV, sleeps all day, and is having more and more health issues from his choice of lifestyle. He won't see doctors despite his major issues, and we both agree he is depressed.
He's a Type A personality, who has always been in control. He will NOT see a psych doc for anything.

I WAS opposed. Fear of being seen as weak. That's changed but it took some time and help. I am still a little bothered by being seen as weak among certain personality types. But nowadays I'm apt to snarl a $%#%@ off to any negative references. I have and it's been enough to make myself clear. I'm still bothered inside at times but they won't ever see it.

After years of on and off meds runs, I've come to realize the benefits. It's called reality. Get it done and feel better. Ignorance, pride and the 'big balls' bluff? They remedy nothing. Real men have the crackerjacks to do their meds and carry on. haha...Ooo...I guess I'm a 'real' man!...well you know what I mean. There's a myth to manhood. Self awareness is a big part of that. Too much self-image making is a detriment.

There's a lot to this stuff...much to do with social/economic/background education/geography...all kinds of stuff. There may always exist a subtype that'll eschew this kind of help, preferring mythic stoicism. Modern man...in our society anyways, have long not needed such defensive posturing. And that's just what it is. Don't show weakness or the barbarians will be at the gates....Og from the cave next door will bop you with a rock, steal your woman and make off with your fire. Don't. Show. Weakness.

Bull. Shite.

[Oxidopamine]

Social norms favour women to voice any emotional or psychiatric concerns, however, these social norms are being changed to be more inclusive for men. Despite this, there are many reasons why people choose to seek or refuse to seek medical help. Sometimes the reason(s) are directly due to the medical situation or can be unrelated. It's impossible to know the reason for a particular person without sitting down and asking them after they agree to answer honestly and without withholding information.

[Rainbow Socks]

My brother loves taking them. He's one of those ignorant people who think taking medication makes you cool and I always overhear him boasting about it to his friends on Skype. The more they prescribe him, the happier he is about the whole thing. (I'm pretty sure he has Munchausen's, though, so his opinion probably isn't of much use. )

[Hellion]

I sometimes feel like I am the only female who was basically taught to keep my problems to myself or people would judge me for it. I mean I can see why that might be something males more commonly run into but its not as though all females have been encouraged to express their negative feelings and such....though not entirely sure how that factors into which gender is more likely to be opposed to meds. Because on one hand yes taking them would be admitting to having a psychological problem and voicing concerns to the doctor, or it can cover the symptoms and they don't have to tell anyone about the prescription or diagnoses.

I was anything but encouraged to voice my emotional or psychiatric concerns, and so it did become a habit for me even though I'm female. So I know that social norm does not always prove true.

There are a myriad of reasons why people refuse to seek medical assistance. You are a good friend for caring...of course you want them to feel better if they are not well; however, the old cliché is true: you can lead a horse to water, but etc.

Speak with them candidly about your feelings / observations, and then don't bring it up again. They are adults and have to make their own decisions.

If their behavior becomes stressful / worrisome for you, remember your boundaries and do what you have to do to protect yourself

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

ps, a woman that I grew up with and knew like a sister over 40+ years is a T. She was totally depressed and suffering from a multitude of things, yet she refused to take any sort of Rx (except a Xanax here and there). She became impossible to be around.

She wouldn't take anything because she was afraid if it "got out", it would ruin her reputation (so I don't think it's just men. It could be more of a mind-set)

I get the feeling my family(people on both sides) don't like the idea of me being mentally ill because, of course it might smudge their reputation I guess that seems more on my moms side with my dads side they just have a philosophy of somehow not giving a crap and it seems to be seen as weak if you do happen to give a crap about things let alone your feelings.

But yeah I know I never wanted to even consider meds before I tried alcohol and marijuana a few times and even then I only did that very rarely if I was hanging out with people who were indulging but eventually I picked up on the feeling better thing....so since I've already self medicated with those things I don't see how taking prescription meds is any worse. But before that I was trying to just you know try harder at life and succeed or whatever...and it got me worse symptoms. I suppose the point is that sort of mindset can affect females and males both and it seems to beover looked quite a bit and gets assumed to be a male issue specifically. I guess its just weird being an atypical female as in most things that supposedly mostly apply to females don't usually apply to me......I am sure I am not the only one so I suppose I wonder where you turn for help when people assume your going to think and be a certain way due to physical gender.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I get the feeling my family(people on both sides) don't like the idea of me being mentally ill because, of course it might smudge their reputation I guess that seems more on my moms side with my dads side they just have a philosophy of somehow not giving a crap and it seems to be seen as weak if you do happen to give a crap about things let alone your feelings.

I guess its just weird being an atypical female as in most things that supposedly mostly apply to females don't usually apply to me......I am sure I am not the only one so I suppose I wonder where you turn for help when people assume your going to think and be a certain way due to physical gender.

Hi Hellion,

When I was diagnosed I was manic to the point of psychosis. Anyway, I thought it would be a great idea to announce to my entire extended family that I was bipolar So, I hear you on the whole family "reputation."

I would def bring up to your T & pdoc that you are in many cases atypical to avoid complications.

Thanks everyone for the great replies

Originally Posted by Hellion

I get the feeling my family (people on both sides) don't like the idea of me being mentally ill because, of course it might smudge their reputation I guess that seems more on my moms side with my dads side they just have a philosophy of somehow not giving a crap and it seems to be seen as weak if you do happen to give a crap about things let alone your feelings.

I suppose the point is that sort of mindset can affect females and males both and it seems to be overlooked quite a bit and gets assumed to be a male issue specifically. I guess it's just weird being an atypical female, as in most things that supposedly mostly apply to females don't usually apply to me......I am sure I am not the only one, so I suppose I wonder where you turn for help when people assume your going to think and be a certain way due to physical gender.

Hellion, I think we are related on our mothers side

I think it's hard for many people to ask for help (for whatever the circumstance). Fear of the unknown, sterotypes, pride, the way we were raised, for appearances sake...

I guess by equal parts: (a) doing research and being proactive and (b) getting super lucky that you come across that one person that is right for you...that totally "gets" you