Life I find boring. Rather, MY life I find boring. Have for years. Always find myself confused in trying to connect with 'the norm'. I was never encouraged to think outside anything other than a rigid lustreless box, too small to move in. I have no interest in attempting to build now what should have been in place during my first two decades. The plans for that kind of architecture weren't available then and surely not now. They are not. Old dog.

I have to adapt...not change. Maybe the guilt will lessen with that approach. Judas friggin' Murphy...the math involved in that approach is no stroll either. Answers...why the #@!! do I need answers? I walked out of my high school finals in front of everyone after writing my name at the top of the opening page. I'd like to do the same with this. Tear my 'lessons' into pieces and walk the rest of my days not carrying this load of shite-bricks that's dogged me since I was a child.

What else can I do but hammer out a quasi-therapeutic rant once in a while until I find a way to shred the mysteries? I haven't the foggiest how to do it. Why am I continuing to poke at this kb? For an ear? No ear has an answer either. For my ears maybe. No...I'm deafened by the roar of emptyness. The hell with it...I'll think about it all later.

Old dog. Looking for the warmest corner and the easiest path might be all there is left. I don't relish that thought. Still enough of me left to realize that isn't preferable...as realistic as it might be. I'm not THAT tired yet. Yet.

Oh...the easiest path is no veiled reference to 'stepping out'. It just means giving up and finding as safe and as comfortable a place as possible until this mortal coil is put down by a demise other than my own hand.

Wish I had been better educated y'know? I wish that a god.damned lot. Wouldn't have been in such vile circumstances so many times. Yeah...well...it was all boring. #$##@!#!!!

The preceding post was a little verbal whine and cheese whipped up in a moment of manners lacking. Self-absorbtion isn't my best quality.

[IowaFarmGal]

I'm pretty disappointed in my life, but I'm not sure what I can do about it at this late date. I'm approaching 60 so I probably don't have many options left. I don't think that's whining, it's being realistic. I hope you are feeling better about things and maybe seeing some options for you.

Yeah... it's a pretty lonesome road to be so crowded.
I think that sometimes it's enough just to ask good questions...even if you don't get a good answer

[di meliora]

“Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.” - Fitzhugh Dodson
“First you write down your goal; your second job is to break down your goal into a series of steps, beginning with steps which are absurdly easy.” - Fitzhugh Dodson

Hello, quizzickle. The words are yours. Negative chatter inculcates a sense of helplessness. At some point you need to be honest with yourself. Do you want a better life; or not?

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ot-impossible/

[tooski]

Your situation brings to mind a thought I've used in the past, and it's actually worked:

"Sometimes you have to drop a grenade where you're standing, and then jujmp out of the way"

What I want isn't a question I am able to answer right now. Mood swings are dominating my days lately. I'm feeling pretty low throughout. Thanks for the note though Di Meliora...really...I appreciate that. Thanks. And thanks to y'all.

[Sugar Apple]

Thanks Quizzical, for all those words!
Thank you thank you thank you.
I can breath again.
You communicated something I couldn't.
What a relief to 'hear' my feelings spread out like that.
- Not filled my tank but certainly added a few gallons to take me a bit further; not running on empty now.
I was desperately looking for help. I found it thanks to you and your words.

[Aoikaze]

It sounds to me like you're a little confused, angry, and frustrated. It might help to spend some time defining the questions, rather than coming up with answers.

Where are you right now in your life?

How do you feel right now?

Why do you feel the way you do?

Why are you angry?

Why are you frustrated?

Add more as you need them. The answers don't have to be right, they just have to be. By using a dialectic approach, you can dig down to how you feel about where you are, and why you feel the way that you do. The real issue may be buried deeply beyond the the obvious, and usually is in my experience.

If it helps, only lazy people insist on simplifying everything. A thing is only as simple as it can be, and I think you already know that.

[Aoikaze]

Double-post. Woops.