What would YOU do???

Ok, so here's my situation. I'm going to be getting a divorce and I'm in the process of looking for a house. The Realtor who is helping me look was my teacher 20 years ago and is an important friend and mother figure to me now.

We were supposed to see some houses this afternoon; but, she left a message for me early this morning to cancel. She said she'd made an appointment to have her nails done at the same time and had forgotten to write it in her calendar. She also said she tried to reschedule but wasn't able to.

Well, I'm miffed!! And my feelings are hurt too (I know that's the friend aspect of the relationship). If a Realtor who wasn't someone I love had done the same thing, I'd be finding myself a new one. I mean, it was a manicure, not some sort of emergency. I don't know how to handle this, really. Do I continue to work with her and either tell her how I feel or let it go; or do I call someone else?

I'm going to make a poll out of this; but if you have something more to say, or words of comfort and support (feel the need for those right now), please post them!

I am all for communication! I think things can be worked out but I think she took the friendship over work. not professional in my opinion.

I don't think that is a breach of friendship, but that is my opinion. Between dissociation and forgetfulness, if people got angry at me for every time I forgot something, I'd be without anyone. It's just my opinion but I think stuff happens. I'm all for giving someone a break because I know for me, I am going to need someone to do the same for me...often. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings. Personally, I don't think she did it to be mean.

I have to agree with wantto -- people have stuff come up all the time. If she hadn't told you what it was, you wouldn't be miffed. Realtors are busy folks and sometimes they overschedule. My aunt used to be one and she had no time for a life whatsoever.

I'd be slightly dissapointed but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it or take it as such. She's relying on your friendship for understanding. She DID try to reschedule!

Hey, my best friend chose for us not to go out today because she wanted to get her hair done. So? She has promised to help me put my craft room in order but other things keep getting in the way. I understand. No biggy!

Continue working with her and let it go. Be thankful that she gave you the reason ...usually ppl just cancel and never say why!

I am one who NEEDS nailcare, it isn't a luxury. You can't just waltz in and expect to have someone do a good job on your nails, if there's anyone available anyway!

Things happen...this is life. Get over it.

NOW that I've replied, let me say I'm sorry this happened, and that it's upset you. Maybe by her missing this appt time with you, she will give you extra effort when you do link up!!! TC

Things like this does happen when you mix friendship with a profession no matter what the profession is.(which is why there is an ethics law with most professions ie therapy, doctors and so on where it is a rule not to mix friendship with the profession so that the work side does not interfere with the professional side of things.

Talk with your friend and explain your feelings so that the situation doesn't escalate causing the two of you not only your professional relationship but also the friendship relationship.

Its kind of like my having a friendship with my ex therapist SKR. During therapy time we had to make sure our friendship did not interfere with therapy time and now that she is no longer my therapist we have to make sure our time together is friendship not therapy. If the two collide it could make for a disaster. At one point when one friend - SKR - saw the two starting to collide she had to point it out to me right then and there. That way the situation wouldnt effect our friendship and wouldnt effect my therapy time with my present therapist LL.

If you and your friend can't keep friendship and business separate you may end up having to go through a different realator in the end but the situation needs to be dealt with so that it deos not effect the friendship..

I agree, I don't see it as a breach of the friendship. I know the hurt feelings come from being dumped on by my friend. I guess I DO see it as a breach of the professional relationship, though. And I wonder if she would make the same call with ALL her clients or if she chose the manicure because it was me - her friend.

And this is the thing that really gets me....what nail appointment can't be rescheduled, for goodness sakes!! I'll tell you this; I will never again feel bad for her when she complains about not having enough business. If she really needs more, she could choose to show houses instead of having her nails painted!

Keep the opinions coming; I appreciate them!!

You need to let her know how hurt you were by this...and it is a bit...no, VERY silly to cancel a professional appointment for some minor person appointment.

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jammerlich said:
And I wonder if she would make the same call with ALL her clients or if she chose the manicure because it was me - her friend.


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I think it was for this very reason that she was comfortable enough to tell you the truth. Because you are her friend. I doubt that she would tell all her clients the same thing. But then again, I don't know her and it is just my opinion.

I hope you feel better about it soon.

List the pros and cons for having her be your realtor. If you feel the pros outweigh the cons, then drop the issue because you care about her. If the cons outweigh, then you have a few choices. If the cons outweigh, I would define my needs and expectations of a realtor and give her the option if she is willing to meet my standards. Time is money for BOTH parties.

I would tell her how you feel. Perhaps there is a way to ask her to be more professional with you in this matter. Had she just told you that she had another appointment that she had forgotten and could not rescheduled you would likely assume it was business and it wouldn't be an issue.

I understand why you'd be miffed, I would have been upset as well knowing how important this was to me.

Still, I think you should 'give her a chance' and tell her what it meant to you and, politely, that what she did was not very professional as you counted on her + it was important to you. I think she might not have meant to upset you but talking to her would surely clear the air.

I think you need to find a new realtor...one with attention to detail needed to do such a complex and important transaction. There are so many details that can come back to bite you in a real estate transaction, I just don't think you can trust this person to do this at this point. If you can't trust them to keep an appointment (and then to have her priorities straight about which takes precedence), how can you trust her to make sure you have a clean title or that your survey is right? And excuse me, her nails are more important than your house?

In this case, I think you have to protect yourself. You'll make your friend mad, but perhaps she will learn a lesson about how to treat a client!

DJ

I'd just have a lil chat with friend over a coffee.

'Hey, just about the other day - I was a bit upset that your appt came up because I am really wanting to get this house finding out of the way. No biggie but I really value your professional help so just wanted to mention it'

You deserve someone giving 100%, especially if you are in the throes of something as stressful as a divorce.

Good luck

((((((((((Jammerlich))))))))))))) a friend is a friend no matter what and they are hard to come by I guess I wouldn't worry so much about her memory lacking as we all do something at times that irritates others... hod tight to a good friendship they are far and few between... Linda