Where do i start...?

Raeface · Jan 17, 2013 at 07:14 AM

Ive never tried to gain help from anyone regarding my problems. Everyone i know wants my life as it seems so perfect. Perfect husband, full of love, coping with life well... But when they arent there im not that person. I dont even know where to start explaining because everytime i try to start somewhere all of it comes rushing to my mind and i cant make sense of it.

im angry. Unexplainable anger where im shouting and crying uncontrollably at my husband and child. Im saying hurtful things and i know if i carry on my daughter and husband will hate me the way i hate my family. I control my food intake and have done since i was 8. I have a prescribed drug problem, i use it to get me through my working day as it makes me feel happy. Anything sets me off even something like my daughter messing her room up. Shes 3, she doesnt realise that mummy only tidyed it up 10 minutes ago, i know this but i cant help thinking whats the point? whats the point of trying when everything is left to me to hold up?

its like im at the bottom holding everything together and nobody realises. i dont even know if this makes sense. i dont know how to pinpoint where the problem came from and sort it out. i just need someone to talk to or guide me in the right direction. i just need help from all these thoughts and past memories and embarrassment

Raeface · Jan 17, 2013 at 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raeface

Ive never tried to gain help from anyone regarding my problems. Everyone i know wants my life as it seems so perfect. Perfect husband, full of love, coping with life well... But when they arent there im not that person. I dont even know where to start explaining because everytime i try to start somewhere all of it comes rushing to my mind and i cant make sense of it.

im angry. Unexplainable anger where im shouting and crying uncontrollably at my husband and child. Im saying hurtful things and i know if i carry on my daughter and husband will hate me the way i hate my family. I control my food intake and have done since i was 8. I have a prescribed drug problem, i use it to get me through my working day as it makes me feel happy. Anything sets me off even something like my daughter messing her room up. Shes 3, she doesnt realise that mummy only tidyed it up 10 minutes ago, i know this but i cant help thinking whats the point? whats the point of trying when everything is left to me to hold up?

its like im at the bottom holding everything together and nobody realises. i dont even know if this makes sense. i dont know how to pinpoint where the problem came from and sort it out. i just need someone to talk to or guide me in the right direction. i just need help from all these thoughts and past memories and embarrassment

So i didnt realise that it has to be modded and have posted another post... sorry.

jadzea · Jan 17, 2013 at 08:36 AM

I suggest you find yourself a good therapist if you don't already have one. I used to be extremely angry and short tempered. I was also unhappy. I spent a great deal of time in my therapist's office crying and raving about things. I never really solved any problems or changed my situation but I felt better. I highly recommend it.

Benignity · Jan 17, 2013 at 08:54 AM

Thank you Raeface. I struggle myself, and often feel alone. It helps so much to realize that there are so many other people out there struggling as well. I don't know what to say, but I have a couple of thoughts.

Don't take it personally, but in my opinion drug abuse is something that worsens emotional instability and contributes to increased irritability. Also, I used to have a short fuse and quite the temper. I would have angry outbursts much like you described, but since receiving anger management I've been a pretty calm person. These are just things that you might want to think about. You can only do what you feel comfortable with, though. I don't mean to be pushy. I can't even imagine what it would be like to raise a child and deal with that kind of stress.

I hope you feel better soon!

Leed · Jan 17, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Dearheart, you pinpointed something -- you mentioned "past memories" and I think that might have a lot to do with your problems.

What was your childhood like? Was there abuse in your home as a child? Was it physical or emotional? Emotional abuse can be even ignoring you. Was there other kinds of abuses in your teen years?

I agree that a good therapist is the key. You really DO need to talk to someone, and it should be a professional who knows how to guide you and treat you. Therapist can be a life saver -- I know, cause I've been thru therapy myself and if I hadn't, I doubt I'd be here right now.

Please have your medical doctor refer you to a good therapist. You won't regret it, my friend.

And it does NOT mean you're 'crazy.' In my opinion, every one on earth should see a therapist at one time or another!!! God bless you and please take care. And also let us know how you come out, will you? We DO care about you. Big hugs, Lee

gma45 · Jan 17, 2013 at 11:16 PM

After reading your post it got me to thinking. I used to be like that when I was on meds. I didn't like myself and was not happy in my own skin. I think seeing a therapist might be a good idea, just to have someone to talk with about how you feel will help. Also just coming on here and writing how you feel helps also. I know it has helped me. You are not alone.

Raeface · Jan 18, 2013 at 07:35 AM

Im sorry. Im all over the place right now. I just know it is getting bad because I lost my job as I was seen to have bad attitude and anger. I guess I just needed help.

Writing on here has sort of made me calmer since yesterday and I havent took any meds today. I knew deep down that they werent helping. I know that. Um. Thank you for your replies. You have helped me more then you probably understand.

I called a local therapist and should be visiting within a few weeks.
Thank you again.

Benignity · Jan 18, 2013 at 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raeface

Im sorry. Im all over the place right now. I just know it is getting bad because I lost my job as I was seen to have bad attitude and anger. I guess I just needed help.

Writing on here has sort of made me calmer since yesterday and I havent took any meds today. I knew deep down that they werent helping. I know that. Um. Thank you for your replies. You have helped me more then you probably understand.

I called a local therapist and should be visiting within a few weeks.
Thank you again.

Awesome, I'm so glad I could help a bit. Keep up the amazing work, and know that you're stronger than you realize.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Where do i start...?

My Support Forums

jadzea Member Member Since Sep 2011 Posts: 305 12	Jan 17, 2013 at 08:36 AM #3 I suggest you find yourself a good therapist if you don't already have one. I used to be extremely angry and short tempered. I was also unhappy. I spent a great deal of time in my therapist's office crying and raving about things. I never really solved any problems or changed my situation but I felt better. I highly recommend it.
	Reply With Quote

gma45 Grand Magnate Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: In & out of my mind! Posts: 4,196 12 1,698 hugs given	Jan 17, 2013 at 11:16 PM #6 After reading your post it got me to thinking. I used to be like that when I was on meds. I didn't like myself and was not happy in my own skin. I think seeing a therapist might be a good idea, just to have someone to talk with about how you feel will help. Also just coming on here and writing how you feel helps also. I know it has helped me. You are not alone.
	Reply With Quote