[InTheShadows]

I saw a picture of my mom last night a little less than a month before I was born, she doesn't even look pregnant. She has a flat stomach, not even an ounce of fat. I don't know what to think. I've seen my birth certificate. How could this be? Could she not be my mom?

[Anika.]

I didnt gain much weight durring pregnancy, amd did not have a big belly either. I weighed 115lbs at 9 months pregnant, and a lot of people thought I was maybe 4-5 months along. I had three children all pretty much the same result. Wore my own clothing the whole time. So could that be a possibility?

I know women who actually lose weight during pregnancy and who hardly show their pregnancy (my cousin actually thought she was going into menopause when she discovered she was 6 1/2 months pregnant). She never bought a stitch of maternity clothing and gave birth to an 8 pound baby.

[Isobel Inglesa]

I feel i want to answer here, but i am not quite sure how to word it. As others have said, it is wholly possible that your mother is your biological mother - you only have to look through the newspapers evey now and again to hear of someone not knowing she was pregnant suddenly having a baby.

To actually tackle your question though. Having been adopted, not once but twice, and having one loving parent (1, not 2) - i find it hard to think less of my biological parents. It has taken me a while to get to this point, but i have come to the conclusion now that it doesn't really matter very much, and even if it did i can't change it. I can't offer a magic solution, but i can say that it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Best wishes, Isobel

[InTheShadows]

here's the pic.

[unaluna]

The date on the picture is when the film was developed, not when the picture was taken. So the film could have been in the camera for a while. Does that give you any other clue?

[InTheShadows]

i want to believe it, but in another pic she is wearing the same thing and my older brother (who is a year and a half older than me) is in the pic walking and with no diaper. we were all potty trained at around a year and a half old. I should probably just ask, but I'm afraid of the answer.

[unaluna]

So to do that math, well, that is still pretty young for potty training. It's not just a mental thing, you have to have the physical control. And it usually takes a few months.

But I get where you're coming from. I pestered my parents for a long time about whether or not I was adopted until my father gave me a rather filthy answer that I didn't really understand but I somehow got the gist of it and got my answer. They didn't treat me much better after that.

So is the real question - well what is the real question? Why do they treat you the way they do, or can they change? What if they won't change, how can you make things better for yourself?

Don't you look like your folks at all? Cuz I'm thinking adoptive parents would have to be a lot older.

[InTheShadows]

I know I'm not adopted. I look like an exact replica of my mom and grandma. I just want the truth. my mom had three kids within three years and 22 days. she says she potty trained us so early because she refused to have two kids in diapers. I'm honestly just struggling with life and frustrated that my family can't be honest and straightforward. dn't care why they did what they did, I just want to know what they did. I firmly believe in looking at the past to determine where my strengths lie and what I need to develop to grow stronger. I want them to respect me and love me enough to tell me the truth regardless of what it is.
Btw, thanks so much for your replies.

(((hugs)))

[unaluna]

Yeah I spent a couple of years in therapy trying to answer the question, exactly what happened or didn't happen, or was supposed to happen? I went to therapy for years before this, where the therapist assumed I knew about stuff like attachment. Or for instance, a girl friend told me I didn't seem like first generation American, she would have assumed my parents were educated. But it was just skin-deep.

Now you have me curious! About the toilet training, I mean. But if the last kid was born 3 years after the

first, yeah that's fIne for the first, but it does seem to make things tough for the middle kid. Then again, I have heard of the 2nd kid learning stuff faster because they are imitating the oldest who is so close in age. Anyway, I hope you get better answers than I ever did. My mother remembers everything about my older brother and nothing about me.

Btw I do have memories about my toilet training. I remember my mother yelling at me for using too much T.P. the first time she let me do it myself (I also remember having to call her and wait for her) and I remember that after she started working, I stopped going to the bathroom. So...