[kimmydawn]

Lately there have been several incidents of some of us posting on threads and stating what we disagree with about it, or the person's personal opinions and thoughts, and the thread has gotten a bit heated. I'm not saying that's wrong, or that no one here should disagree. I am suggesting that posts in disagreement can be, and should be, supportive in nature. Generally, if a post contains personal opinion formed, or thought, can it really be wrong (as long as it's within guidelines)? It might not share ours, indeed it might not share in mainstream opinions and thoughts, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for another to think or feel.

This is the very first paragraph in the guidelines for posting:

This is, first and foremost, a self-help support community. That means if your message (post or PM) isn't about offering support to another person or asking for it, it's potentially not appropriate for our community.

If your post is not supporting the posters within a thread, it might be best to wait. If a post causes a high degree of emotion for you, then it might be wait to best.

Not everyone here (as large as this community is) is going to agree on everything, but recently it seems that some posting has become heated due to disagreeing opinions, thoughts, etc.

Posts are to be supportive. We can certainly disagree with one's statements within a post. However, if we feel we want to share disagreement, please do so in a manner that isn't hurtful, or flaming to others in the thread. Accusations and blaming can often lead to defensiveness. Knowing that, when I disagree with someone, I try to always use alot of "I statements" and share my differing thoughts without accusing the other in any fashion. That makes a good discussion even better, I feel.

In general, folks, please keep replies, posting, threads, PM's and basically your entire interactions here at PC supportive to those you interact with.

Also, to those of us who like to begin new threads, please remain supportive to those that might show a differing opinion, or even those that are flat out disagreeing with our statements as long as the responses are supportive in nature. When we post a public thread, we're opening ourselves up to response. Yes, we can expect, according to the guidelines, supportive responses. I don't think, though, that we can expect everyone to agree with our thoughts/opinions/etc. 100% of the time.

Finally, if posting is unsupportive (or you suspect it to be) instead of acting/reacting within the thread when we feel ourselves angered or defensive, sometimes it's better to PM a mod/admin to take a look at it.

Thanks,

KD

[Rhapsody]

[Lexicon78]

I've noticed the same thing lately and if any of mine weren't very appropriate, I am sorry. Just wanted to apologize for my posts, I guess.

[kimmydawn]

Thanks ((((((((((rhapsody)))))))))))))

(((((((((((((lexi))))))))))))

this post isn't about you, or any one member here. it's just a reminder about posting in general. you are fine.

kd

Good reminder. And the important thing to remember is that EVERYONE GETS UPSET sometimes. And we ALL fly off the handle or lash out once in a blue moon. For some, its a teeny weeny handle, like um...a childs teacup. For others, it is a larger handle, like the wooden bars they used to use on castles

ok, ok just a bit of humor. All in all, you-know-what happens and as long as we are mature enough to turn it around, take responsibility for our actions and realize when we need to apologize and when we need to forgive - it is all good

[Fuzzybear]

[Rapunzel]

Good reminder.

Here's one more tip that helps me a lot in deciding what to post or what not to post. Before you write, and again before you push the button to publish your post, just take a minute to think about what your purpose is with that post. What do you want to accomplish? Ask for support for yourself? Show that you understand? Help someone to make a decision? Brighten someone's day? Extend an offer of friendship? There are lots of possibilities. If you are sharing information, why do you want to share that particular information and how do you expect it to help someone? (sometimes a post makes us think of an experience of our own, and we want to tell what happened to us, or just show what we know about the subject, and sometimes that helps but sometimes it either steals the show from the person we meant to support, or just isn't as relevant to them as we thought.)

Then consider whether your intention is actually the most likely outcome from what you wrote. Anticipate how people are probably going to feel when they read it, and how you are going to feel when they reply. We can't predict everything, of course, but if we think it through we can see a lot more coming than if we go on gut instinct.

Rap

[January]

Sometimes when I am upset by the content of a post the best thing I can do is get up and walk away from the computer for a while. Sometimes I am so upset that I decide to wait until the next day before I reply. Usually, by the next day I remember the poster is really a good person who has posted something in the desire to share his/her view and ask for opinions, not to drive me and/or others into a rage.

Once someone reads what I've written, my words may be deleted from the post, but they won't be deleted from the minds and hearts of whomever reads them before they were removed.

Jan

[LadyDragus]

all good ieads..

[January]

bump

[kimmydawn]

Thanks, rainbowzz. You're right, you-know-what does happen. I know, personally, when I see something that sparks a strong reaction from me, I try to figure out why. Sometimes it's obvious...sometimes it's not.

A appreciate you and your response.

KD

[kimmydawn]

thank you, rap. such good thoughts about posting.

KD

[Rhapsody]

* * * * * * * *

One word..................... RESONATE

We all have this happen to us at one time or another in our lives - and usually with in our own unresolved or still painful issues. ((( hugs )))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[kimmydawn]

Jan,

Thank you. Your post says so much.

KD

[kimmydawn]

Thank you, LadyDragus. Yes, there are some really good statements, thoughts, practices listed here.

KD

[jennie]

Sometimes I think I've clearly expressed my thoughts in a post. Later, I re-read the thread and realize my post was: (1) unclear, and/or (2) unsupportive, and/or (3) embarrassing.


I'm not sure if it's dyslexia or some thought disorder that causes many of my posting problems. Even though I know people can't read my mind, I still think they can.


I want more edit control. (I know that's wishful thinking.)


Should I not post? Should I have a tagline at the bottom of all my posts apologizing for any misunderstandings?

[desirae]

I feel sort of responsible for this because alot of my threads are controversial and require many different types of minds and opinions. I don't mean to start problem, the reason I do these threads is to open my mind and the mind of others. I enjoy learning about these topics and what other people think about them. Even if I disagree, or even get a tad bit offensive, I accept it and understand that it's their opinion and that's okay.

I agree that everybody should be respectful, that's what PC is all about, and that's why people come back....because of the great people and support.

Thanks for this post.