EMDR and child abuse

I have questions about EMDR. I have tried conventional counseling but, it was unsuccessful. I suffer from some deep seated emotional issues arising from my childhood. I grew up in a home that was totally devoid of any type of love or attention. There was a great deal of emotional abuse and threats of being abandoned.

I do not know for certain but, I may also have been sexually abused as a young boy. I have very vague memories of this incident but I just can’t recall anything specific. I have a terrible feeling that this was the case and I have actually started to fear the answer.

I have tremendous fears of loss of loved ones or anyone close to me. My wife of 23 years passed away 7 years ago. Even before I married her, whenever I got close to someone I typically drove them away with my intense emotions toward them.

Recently, I met a woman who I thought I had fallen in love with. She broke off our relationship and my reaction was scary. I actually faked being ill in an effort to get her back. I was horrified by my action and realized that I really didn’t have any feelings for her. I think it was that she gave me so much attention that I became addicted to her. Nevertheless, when I realized that I really don’t have any feelings for anyone, I was completely perplexed by my actions.

I have taken every personality test and personality disorder test I can find. Oddly enough, none of them review anything completely out of the ordinary. What caused this all to surface was a mistake by my doctor.

I recently started hormone therapy and someone forgot to give me the pills that prevent estrogen build up in men. My estrogen levels went off the chart in one month and I became extremely emotional. After addressing the problem, I read some of my journal and was mortified by what I read. It seems very clear to me that there was a sexual assault and my true feelings for my parents were clearly spelled out.

I lead a very normal life and hold a high level position in my company. I have always been an overachiever and am usually the life of the party. It seems that even though I have managed to be successful, I am extremely insecure and completely lack any self-confidence. I suppose I am a very high functioning sick man.

I truly hope that someone will tell me that EMDR has worked for them.

Hi there, I tried EMDR to help me deal with my childhood abuse. It did not work for me, it made things worse. I hated it. But I don't think it was done properly. That was a former therapist, my current one has a totally different idea of what EMDR is and how to do it. I'm still reluctant to try again.

If you decide to give it a try, make sure you go with someone who knows what they're doing.

Good luck!

It sounds like you have had some medical issues with hormones, etc. that are still getting straightened out and which could be/have been affecting your thinking and feeling?

I would go visit a conventional short-term therapy therapist for a few sessions to just look at where you are now, where you want to go, etc. and make sure your physical functioning is as good as it can be before working on heavy-duty emotional/psychological things in specific ways.

Thank-you for your response. I really don't know anyone so, it is going to be a roll of the dice for me. I made an appointment and I really looking forward to trying. Conventional therapy did not work for me. I think I built up such strong walls that the doctor wasn't able to penetrate them.

I will keep you posted on my progress.

Thank-you for the response. The hormone issue was hopefully my eye opener. My MD corrected it with the proper medication and withing a few day's of starting it the emotions went away and so did about 15 pounds of water weight. Amazing thing, I think every guy should experience this. It gave me a brand new realization of what it might be like for a women in menopause. The odd thing was that it was those emotions that made me realize how deep my problem is.

Hi, I had some good success with EMDR in individual therapy for PTSD type issues related to childhood trauma. I'd been working with this therapist for several years when he learned this modality and brought it into his practice. I think that it worked as well as it did because it was something that got added to an already solid therapeutic relationship. It wasn't some technique for which I specifically hired someone--if that makes any sense.

Glad to hear it has helped. I am interested in trying. I have my first session scheduled next week. I will let you know the result. Thanks

I have just started working on child abuse issues with my therapist and we are going to be trying out EMDR. So im not sure if it works (at least for me yet).

Well please do let me know. I have my first appointment next Tuesday. I will be sure to post my thoughts.

I'd love to hear how you folks fare with trying out EMDR. I found it to be kind of rough because it induced abreactions, but it was a whole lot better than what was, at the time, considered the gold standard for trauma therapy, namely to relive/abreact it all in therapy over and over until you "got rid of it." (Which is hogwash and long since discredited.)

I tried EMDR and it was quite helpful for the incident I used it for... I wish I could do more of it, but I moved away and am now out of work, so I haven't been able to find anyone to do it with... I would also say that you want to trust the person. It can be quite uncomfortable and scary... I would not have been able to finish the session had it not been with someone I trusted. It brought up a lot of stuff, and I trusted her to keep moving me through it if that's what it took. Like I said, it worked really well for that one incident.
I put it on pause before I moved because it was exhausting, and my brain went to mush after a while. If I were still there tho, I would continue it.
I wish you luck with it. I would also second the thought that it needs to be with someone that knows what they are doing... It has the potential to get you into a bad place. But it also has the potential to get you farther along in your therapy. Keep in mind that most people say it should not be done when you are in a vulnerable place because it tends to throw you for a loop, at least for a bit. The less stable you are, the harder it is to "recover" from the weird feelings (at least in my experience)...
Good luck. Hope it works well for you.

I'm curious as well. I have my first appointment. Soon. I'm scared it won't work but my friends say that I need to think positive..

Hello,

I relate so well to the way you describe yourself. I also have problems with anxious attachments and fear of loss. Like you also, my childhood was also troubled. I've discovered that a lack of nurturing, problems with bonding, and emotional abuse/neglect have been more damaging to me than anything else I've gone through (including SA).

Although it's impossible to accurately diagnose anybody on PC, you should look into the possibility that you may have some kind of attachment disorder, borderline personality disorder, or Complex PTSD. I would advise you to seek therapy and make sure you are feeling stable for a good amount of time before you undertake any sort of upsetting/traumatic work in your sessions.

While EMDR has helped many, many people, it did not work for me. My emotions are so sensitive, and I am so easily overstimulated both psychologically and physically that I found EMDR to be traumatizing. I have had to spend a large amount of time first just learning to trust my therapist, allow myself to express my emotions, and learn basic coping skills that I should have learned as a child but didn't.

For me, "trauma work" has had to take place slowly, in small chunks, in order for me to be able to process it. Otherwise, I felt overwhelmed and depressed after sessions, and the material we'd discussed would continue roiling in my subconscious for a good 2-3 days afterward, making it very hard for me to concentrate on my work and taking care of my daily responsibilities. Also, any amount of emotional release, like deep sobbing, just leave me physically exhausted! Thus, the need for me to "go slow" in therapy work.

You sound like a very sensitive person too. Make sure that you supplement any difficult emotional work in therapy with good self-soothing strategies. Learn good self-care and coping skills. Learn relaxation techniques. A good therapist can help you do this. This way, you can keep yourself built up while you deal with those painful experiences from your past.

Best wishes,
Peaches