[Audrey]

Ok, I was wondering if it is normal to just want to relax a lot. I can name a ton of excuses for needing to relax. But i have laundry that needs to be done, i need to figure out my finances, I need to clean like everything. If i don't get to cleaning my car, i'm sort of worried that the crums will destroy the carpeting. However, my car needed to be cleaned for months now. I kept thinking once this semister of school is over i will do it. Well, now it is over, and now i'm not going to school this semister comming up. My fiancee is starting tonight. I feel left out. We used to drive to school together. It used to be me who went to school and him who didn't. I've been going to school for the past 15 1/2 years! This is the first time i've ever taken a semister off besides summer vacation. I'm going nuts trying to manage that. There aren't that many summer classes in the summer, and if i do go to college in the summer, then i would also be going in the fall, and then next winter. So that would be a long time before i get a break. At the same time, i'm worried that i will go stir crazy in the summer time since i'm taking this semister off now. Anyway, my point of this post is to ask if anyone else just lets stuff that needs to get done go undone? I'm sitting next to a heap of laundry, and yet i don't have the ambition to get up and take care of myself. Everyone else in my family has all kinds of ambition. I just don't understand.

[ariel]

Not just you- I haven't cleaned the house myself in a year, had to have a maid come in before we had company. I do laundry, and go to work each day. It's been all I can take, because things weren't straightened up in the inner world, and that is more important than the outer one. But I am doing better and slowly emerging. Give it time.

-Ariel

Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic, in it.
-Goethe

[SeptemberMorn]

Nope. It's not just you. I'm that way, especially today. Maybe it was the bad news I got or maybe it's just that I've never had much energy, anyway. I've had depression almost all my life. That's what makes it almost impossible to take care of yourself.

Most times, I can just push through it and go ahead and do what has to be done. Of course, I use my arthritis as an excuse to sit down and "relax" every few minutes. Makes it convenient. It's the getting back up and getting on with business that is a pain!

What works sometimes is telling myself that it doesn't matter whether I'm sitting at the computer, watching TV or just vegging out, I'm still gonna feel the way I do, so why not just get up and do what I need to do and at least have that aggravation out of the way. I give myself permision to go ahead and feel bad, feel sorry for myself; it's okay. Just get up and do it! Like I said, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Good luck!


<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>

[dexter]

under "normal" circumstances i am a natural procrastinator, been that way all my life think i got it from my dad (have to remind everyone what the house of a professional procrastinator looks like: my dads house http://www.idexter.com

[FearsomeAnna]

Procrastination, it seems, is a serious area of study for me. I think I majored in it. My favorite motto is "why do it today if you can put it off till tomorrow?"

And Dex? That house is impressive. I mean, really, really impressive. I thought my dad with his remote control cars and his real ones were bad - we entered his study/office into the Tampa's Messiest Desk awards. Piles are everywhere - but he never loses a damn thing!! Your dad puts mine to shame.

My favorite phrase, it should be noted is "now where in the hell did I put my.....*fill in the blank*"

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[Audrey]

Hi everyone.. thanks for replying. I still haven't gotten a thing done, but i did manage to take a nap. Unfortunally, i should be sleeping now because i have to work tomorrow morning. Anyway, I usually don't have a problem with keeping things clean. but i've been trying my best lately. I usually try to get something done in a day, but today, it has just been sleep. Usually i don't feel guilty about taking a day off to sleep, but it just seems like lately i've taken quite a few days off. My joints aren't the best either. I have to go the chiropractor constantly. Dexter... those pictures really cheered me up. I just don't understand it. In school i procrastinate, but i have always been able to get everything done and still get all A's just by doing things the last minute. I just don't understand how when it comes to using my brian i can get it done, but when it comes to the everyday chores, it's like i just go limp. I started falling asleep on my pile of clothes earlier as i was typing my first post. I don't know why i'm tired all the time. I hope I don't have cancer or anything like that. Anyway. thanks for repling.

[Audrey]

Oh yeah, and Dexter, Maybe you should talk to your dad about e-bay. It looks like he's sitting on a gold mine! I mean there are so many people in this world who have nothing. That is just incredible. That is a lot of stuff.

[Audrey]

oh yeah, and dexter, does anyone still live there??

[Rapunzel]

All very familiar to me also. When my parents bought the house they have now they had to keep renting their old house for 8 months while they were figuring out how to get all their stuff moved out of the rental house. The first house they bought was condemned when they moved out. Since my father was in the Air Force and we moved frequently, I guess that kept any one house from getting as bad as Dexter's dad's house, but not by much.

If you are interested in doing something about it, here is something that has helped me: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.flylady.net>http://www.flylady.net</A> Flylady understands depression too, and following her system even helps with that. It seems that depression and houses full of junk go hand in hand.



<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[dexter]

I too found it much easier at work not to procrastinate, I was in a position of responsibility and even as my depression set in i found myself being even more efficient at work while at home finding it more and more difficult to keep motivated. Probably making it worse was that I was also doing a lot of work from home near the end so I would take care of work stuff efficiently from my house and then grind to a standstill when it came to personal stuff. Often using the stuff from work as an excuse to put off stuff around the house.

maybe it a way of punishing myself or "living down" to my expectations of myself subconsciously

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[dexter]

>>oh yeah, and dexter, does anyone still live there??

not at the moment, he is currently in a mental hospital and trying to return home. it is a long story. the house has been that way all my life. when i was young i would try to help him clean before i understood that there was something emotional going on there. i would spend all day cleaning one room with him and then i found out he was going out to the garbage and bringing stuff in and hiding it. he had (and still has) standard excuses like "i lost some money and thought it was in the papers that were thrown out".

my mom was miserable living like that but never spoke up about it, she used to defend him all the time. when she died my dad told the social workers that the house got that way because of his depression which was a lie. he is full of lies and manipulation which is why i can not and will not deal with him anymore. the social workers had volunteers to help him clean, he always puts on an act of enthusiasm but then sabotages the help. one i know he just would not let throw anything out (he gave her the "lost money" story) and one he just chatted up so that no work ever got done.

the social workers began asking me to help him clean up, he led them to believe that with my help he could get over his "problem" but that of course was another attempt to manipulate me back into his life. I had to explain to the social workers over and over about how he lied about the previous condition of the house, how he has a history of sabotaging attempts to clean, and how i would not help him because i'd "been there, done that".

unfortuately there was nothing more they could do. my dad was not declared incompetent so they can' t force him out or to clean up. he was later admitted into the hospital for depression and that ended up transfereing to a longer care facility. they are ready to send him home but will not release him while the house is in this state. so now he has convinced them that the best thing would be for him to move in with ME (!!!) and he'll go to his house each day and clean a little. that ain't gonna happen. my health plummets after a 1 hour conversation with him no way i will let him live here.

as of now this is unresolved.

it this had happened two or three years ago i would have been in heaven. i would have cleaned up the house myself while he was in the hospital. cleaning would have been very satisfying and i could have helped him out without having to be in touch with him. but the arthritis makes it something i can't consider and on top of that the depression really complicates things. just going over there to close the windows for him (that's when i took the photos) being there for more than a half hour was completely emotionally overwhelming for me.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[dexter]

>>Maybe you should talk to your dad about e-bay

the flaw in your logic is that it would involve me talking to my dad.

bad for me.

still with the hopeless state i am in now it is hard to consider that the ultimate fate of that house will be left to random forces, likely someone will have to move in and just throw everything out. there is a lot of valueable old stuff there that i would love to see put into an audio museum or sold to a collector for history's sake, but i don't have the fortitiude to even consider overseeing something like that.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>