[desirae]

I read a book called explosive child because was interested in what the behavior of an explosive child was, I wanted to compare their behavior with the behavior of my two year old son. Well, the children described in the book were older children, so I couldn't compare to closely. But I do wonder alot if my son has an explosive personality.

Sometimes, when he's in an already predictable angry mood, if I was to take something away from him, he will flip out screaming on top of his lungs for long periods of times. I always worry the neighbors will think I'm over here beating my child senseless.

Sometimes he'll just all of a sudden become hysterical for no reason and scream for 30-40 minutes non stop, no matter what I do.

Then there are the times, like last night for example, when he'll cry and scream even after many different comforting angles.

I've tried everything, and the best I can do is ignore this behavior....which I do, but there's only so much my patience can take.

Does anybody have any suggestions that could help me either alter his explosive behavior, or help me become more patient....I'd really appreciate any advice.

[SeptemberMorn]

I don't really have any advice because I didn't have kids that did that. My daughter's oldest would have "meltdowns" similar to what you describe. That's one of the reasons she doesn't talk to me today; she would spank him really hard... I turned her into CPS after months of trying to talk to her.

I think today's thinking is to not reward that kind of behavior. Come to think of it, Jerry would send him to his room and would give him permission to scream all he wanted. Jerry just didn't have to listen to it. (MUCH!) Jerry would sometimes even go outside to lessen the desibles but would check in on him to make sure he was safe. After a while, Matt got the idea that it wasn't doing him any good so he'd stop and ask if he could come out.

My oldest son, on the other hand, would take his own child and secure the boys arms and legs in order to not get hurt and would just hold him tight. He'd tell him that as soon as he stopped screaming, he would let go. It seemed to work quicker for my son than for Jerry, but I don't know...

My first husband would have belted the kid a couple of times and said "You want to scream???? I'll give you a reason to scream!!!!!" That's definetely a NO NO!

You might want to look into why your baby is in an angry mood. Has he had enough sleep? Could he be hungry? Could it be something physical that he doesn't know how to express? Could he be bored? Seems to me something would be going on with him that he doesn't know what to do with, maybe some sort of an emotion. They say little ones will sometimes cry themselves to sleep as a way to wind themselves down because they don't know any other way.

Something is giving me a tiny little bell in the back of my head... something about a rocking chair... a book? Maybe one of the younger parents would know about this. Jennie? Sabrina?

Good luck, Des. They don't call it the Terrible Two's for nothing!

[darkeyes]

I'm not saying you child is Bipolar or could be, but there is another good book, called Bipolar Child, written by a well known psychiatrist and researcher.

The night thing may be "night terrors"? 20 yrs ago our peditrician, explaned what night terrors are, she explaned how the brain growth development and body changes can cause this, so that is why the child may wake up,crying and then even screaming.
This was very scarey, we couldn't evn hold him, he'd cry, we'd ask him what do you want, we'd walk around the kitchen and family room, offering him anything, that may help him, he appeared to be wake but more like sleep walking, then he'd come out of it,I'd rock him to sleep as he cuddled up, then he'd fall back to sleep in his bed.
This only happened shortly after he'd fall asleep.
It stopped after a few months and things went well, before that when he was a newborn it was colic,after he'd pass gas that would stop.
Night terrors almost resemble that in the begining, but then escalate.
Oh as there are so many books,and different points of view, we did find one about night terrors that helped put us at ease, besides the pediatricians explanation.
Day time he was fine.
And like all our babies do, grow up and adjust, well I can't say that for all, that would be a generalization, for some can have problems, either physical,emotional or both.
I really feel for you and could imagine how difficult all of this is.
I've witnessed kids freaking out in stores, and couldn't understand why, or if the child wasn't being disciplined in some way, that's a hard thing too.
Most of the time it may be that the child needs a nap or a change in sleeping habits, just don't know.
Have you spoke to your pediatrician? Maybe they can suggest something?
Meanwhile, hang in there, for before you know it this shall pass.
But give the pediatrician a call, just to rule out anything before it gets worse.
Take good care,
DE

Hi Desirae,

I have worked with MANY kids at that age, and what you discribe sounds really normal to me for a child at that age, if he was 6, well I would say something different.

First you want to rule out anything medically. Have you talked to your doctor about this? There could be caused for the outbursts, gas, food allergies, etc. So I would take him to the doctor just to check everything out .
If everything is fine, I would just say your little guy is having trouble expressing himself and the yelling helps reduce his stress of not being about to communticate about it.
Someone also suggested that it could be that they are tired or hungry. Sometimes they need more sleep or food if they are going through a growth spurt.
I think what you are doing is fine, but it it doesn't work, he isn't too young for a "quiet time" of like 2 minutes or so. Does he still nap?
I am sure you know most of this stuff, it is just finding the right thing to do , but sometimes nothing works, that is the thrills of being a mother. LOL So just scream along with him. LOL Just kidding! ;-)

One thing I learned from taking care of my friends normal children is that sometimes children just like adults do feel crabby for no reason meaning the problem may not be related to wha is going on right then, and just need to let it out. I know some days even with having enough sleep and everything going great I feel like just stomping and so on. and in children this happens alot at two and three when their taste buds are changing their body chemicals and levels are changing and so on. they don't call it the terrible two's for nothing.

So when my friends children were gonig through a crabby just need to scream stomp and so on I told them I know that sometimes everyone feels like just going off but that kind of stuff needs to stay in the bedroom where it doesn't bother someone watching tv and so on. I even had in the bedrooms a "mad and anything box" newspapers and picture magazines so thaat the child could rip up things and pick a picture that told me how they were feeling. and had a box of ball like stuffed animals and "beanies" that the child could dump out and then play basketball with them and the box. Made my house much more calmer.

[(JD)]

Some children do experience the "terrible twos." What the child is learning, no matter when disordered or not, is how YOU react. What is important, and you might already be doing this, is in addition to either ignoring the bad behavior (or better yet, placing the child in a different room from you and company, or leaving the area so there's no audience), but rewarding good behavior.

It might take a little more effort, but it's well worth it. When he gets the idea that "Hey, I'm just sitting here playing quietly (lol does a two year do that???) and here comes mom with a hug and a new idea! That's great!"

Even a two year old will get the picture: " I get more attention, and I like it, when I am good, than when I'm angry and mean."

Consistency, as you probably also know, is the key. Remember, 21 times of correctness to replace incorrectness... good wishes!

[Peanuts]

That book, the Explosive Child, was and is a life saver for me and my family. I just can't say enough good things about what we learned as a family on how to understand and deal with my son who was explosive from the day he was born. The book was recommended by a social worker in my school district.

My son also cried non-stop and would not be comforted. We would try everything. Not until he began to speak did we learn that the tags on his cloths were HURTING him. That the lumpies in his socks were hurting him. We changed all his cloths and socks - he was more settled. He has Sensory Integration dysfunction - which we found out when he was 4yrs old. If we could go back in time to when he was a baby, we would take all his cloths off and instead of wrapping him in a blanket - we would skip the blanket and simply turn up the heat.

Don't give up looking for solutions to dealing with your son. He is definitely crying for a reason and it is not to make you upset or control you. Ignoring him may not solve whatever is bugging him. Even though it sounds silly, pay attention to what he is wearing. He could be sensitve to the feel of the fabric, clothing tags, long sleeves/short sleeves, socks etc.

As my son grew older and started school - the techniques in the Explosive Child book helped a lot. It helped to look at our son as a person who needed more practice at social skills and tolerance for frustation than the average child. It helped to look at him from a learning disability perspective rather than a willful child perspective.

A lot of folks will tell you that everything your son is doing is age appropriate for a two year old and not to worry - I was told the same thing. And then we started getting kicked out of every daycare setting, preschool, summer camp... It might be age appropriate but the intensity may be more than what is normally expected.

If you feel in your heart that something is up - keep looking, keep asking questions. Get a professional involved to evaluate the situation. A pychologist evaluated my son at age 4 and referred us to an occupational therapst who helped my son with the Sensory issues. Previously, the pediatrician kept telling us not to worry that the behavior was not unusual for his age. And then when the daycare kickouts started (because my son was spitting, biting, hitting, pushing when frustrated) she suggested we enroll in a parenting program. The parenting program she recommended teaches parents how to get their GED, fill out application for employment, how to recover from addition, etc. All noble causes but there were not our issues. I feel lucky that we hooked up with the pychologist who finally put us on a path where we could help my son.

Sorry this is so long a post - I saw the book title and just feel so strongly about it that I just had to post back. Don't give up searching for your child and good luck.