[melanie30]

i have been in a relationship for 15 years on and off. the last lets say 2 years have been on and off. this guy has ocd, add, ....i loved him to death and wanted a future with him.

we had a couple times when we were on break and did things with other people. sorries were said and we continued to be together.

oneday out of the blue, he wouldnt let me come over anymore. he wouldnt leet me see his parents, he kept me away from his friends, wont add me to facebook, wont let me near his cell phone.
but yet he kept calling me telling me he loved me and wanted me forever and cant live with out me.
oneday i saw him and it was like a demon was in his body. it wasnt him at all.
he started telling me he has life problems and he has depression and then last week he was telling me u know we havent really been together for 2 years . then he told me he met a girl at a bar and he was ready to give me her full name . he was like she makes me laugh and i think im in love and i can see myself marrying her.
then 2mintues later he is calling her a ***** and he said he liked her not loved her .
then he blames everything he does on me. everything is my fault.

i came out and told him he was mentally abusing me and i am very sick from it.
he came to my house the other day cuz i changed my cell phone number and email address so he had no way of contacting me.
he was like to me i didnt mean anything i said to you .then 2 minutes later he was like i said i liked her. thats all.

4 years ago i had an abortion and he now to this day tells me i owe him a child.
he says one thing and forgets he told me and he seems to be lying about everything he says.
my friends say if he really loved you and wanted a future with you he would have showed it instead of just texting it.
i feel so hurt inside. i did nothing to deserve this at all.
i get this is some sort of mental abuse.

there is more to the story but i dont have all day to type everything.

P.S back a few months ago i found out about a girl he claims was his friend and once when i was in his car he called me her name by accident. then his cousin told me cuz i ran into her he was seeing her back in sept meanwhile tellin me he wasnt and he loves me and cant live without me./ then 2 weeks ago i ran into his brothers ex gf and she told me back in sept my ex cAME into her store flaunting and introduced this girl as his girlfriend . then i confronted him about it cuz i was upset he was like i was just pretending to see why she broke up with my brother. which made no sense to me. then he i saw on
facebook there was a pic of her lips and he commented hubba hubba baby but yet still denies everything.

AS OF RECENTLY I GOT A MESSAGE FROM HIM SAYING I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU YET YOU DONT MISS ME YOU DONT TEXT ME ANYMORE. SIGH. I AM COMING OVER TODAY TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU.
then the abuse thing i told you about happened last friday . what happened was i showed up at his house he shut all the lights off brought me to his room where he was going to tie me up and try to have a kid with me then i pushed him off and he called me that melissas girl name again and said he confuses us cuz we are both mels and she frustrates him too and then he went to almost every window in his house like he was perniod someone was coming.. i left as i was pullin off driveway he ran to me and aqused me of takin his cell/ then he started to fake cry sayin he loves me and he wants me no one else then i said no i want nothing to do with u he was like can we be pen pals...and i drove away. then he text me monday saying he was comin wednesday and he called me wed at 2am i didnt answer. im not answering his calls or texts just ignoring him.

What kind of help and an opinion on what? The guy and the relationship?
Do you really need to be told that this is a terrible relationship? I think you must know that this is a bad relationship and that if you want a normal relationship it's way past time to move on.
If you like drama and strife then it's a perfect situation.

[melanie30]

Originally Posted by George H.

What kind of help and an opinion on what? The guy and the relationship?
Do you really need to be told that this is a terrible relationship? I think you must know that this is a bad relationship and that if you want a normal relationship it's way past time to move on.
If you like drama and strife then it's a perfect situation.

what your opinion on the guy????

The nicest thing I can say about him is that he is someone who is incapable of having a healthy relationship.

[clash]

He doesn't know how lucky he was to have been with someone that's as beautiful (both inside and out) like you.

[Odee]

I'd say cut all ties and move on. Do you really want to continue with several more years of the same struggle? I don't see how the on and off will ever stop being on and off. And you should NEVER be putting yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship.

I'm sorry. But you will be much happier with a guy who nurtures your emotions and wants to commit to you.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by melanie30

i have been in a relationship for 15 years on and off. the last lets say 2 years have been on and off. this guy has ocd, add, ....i loved him to death and wanted a future with him.

we had a couple times when we were on break and did things with other people. sorries were said and we continued to be together.

oneday out of the blue, he wouldnt let me come over anymore. he wouldnt leet me see his parents, he kept me away from his friends, wont add me to facebook, wont let me near his cell phone.
but yet he kept calling me telling me he loved me and wanted me forever and cant live with out me.
oneday i saw him and it was like a demon was in his body. it wasnt him at all.
he started telling me he has life problems and he has depression and then last week he was telling me u know we havent really been together for 2 years . then he told me he met a girl at a bar and he was ready to give me her full name . he was like she makes me laugh and i think im in love and i can see myself marrying her.
then 2mintues later he is calling her a ***** and he said he liked her not loved her .
then he blames everything he does on me. everything is my fault.

i came out and told him he was mentally abusing me and i am very sick from it.
he came to my house the other day cuz i changed my cell phone number and email address so he had no way of contacting me.
he was like to me i didnt mean anything i said to you .then 2 minutes later he was like i said i liked her. thats all.

4 years ago i had an abortion and he now to this day tells me i owe him a child.
he says one thing and forgets he told me and he seems to be lying about everything he says.
my friends say if he really loved you and wanted a future with you he would have showed it instead of just texting it.
i feel so hurt inside. i did nothing to deserve this at all.
i get this is some sort of mental abuse.

there is more to the story but i dont have all day to type everything.

P.S back a few months ago i found out about a girl he claims was his friend and once when i was in his car he called me her name by accident. then his cousin told me cuz i ran into her he was seeing her back in sept meanwhile tellin me he wasnt and he loves me and cant live without me./ then 2 weeks ago i ran into his brothers ex gf and she told me back in sept my ex cAME into her store flaunting and introduced this girl as his girlfriend . then i confronted him about it cuz i was upset he was like i was just pretending to see why she broke up with my brother. which made no sense to me. then he i saw on
facebook there was a pic of her lips and he commented hubba hubba baby but yet still denies everything.

AS OF RECENTLY I GOT A MESSAGE FROM HIM SAYING I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU YET YOU DONT MISS ME YOU DONT TEXT ME ANYMORE. SIGH. I AM COMING OVER TODAY TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU.
then the abuse thing i told you about happened last friday . what happened was i showed up at his house he shut all the lights off brought me to his room where he was going to tie me up and try to have a kid with me then i pushed him off and he called me that melissas girl name again and said he confuses us cuz we are both mels and she frustrates him too and then he went to almost every window in his house like he was perniod someone was coming.. i left as i was pullin off driveway he ran to me and aqused me of takin his cell/ then he started to fake cry sayin he loves me and he wants me no one else then i said no i want nothing to do with u he was like can we be pen pals...and i drove away. then he text me monday saying he was comin wednesday and he called me wed at 2am i didnt answer. im not answering his calls or texts just ignoring him.

we cant diagnose this guy or tell you why he does things this way. all we can do is tell you whether we have been in this situation and how we have handled it..

yes I have been in this situation, romantic break ups can be very confusing. one second a person hates /blames and wants nothing to do with the other, other times a person remembers the good times and wants them back. its perfectly natural and most break ups have variations of these things.. I had one ex that came to my work place, tried to camp out in their car and other things too. with one I broke up with I felt I was in danger, got a protection order and called the cops.

my suggestion only you and this guy knows why he is doing what he is doing and how to best handle the rocky break up. if you think you are in danger go to court and get a restraining / protection order and then when he comes near you or contacts you call the police.

otherwise my suggestion is dont contact him. when you try to email him, try to see his relatives, phone him and other things.. (I go on this idea because you wouldnt have known he wont let you near his family and friends, wouldnt let you near his cell phone and other things he has forbidden you access to if you hadnt tried to do those things.) doing these things gives him mixed messages.

his trying to contact you...well you cant control what he does, you can only control what you do and how you respond to his attempts to contact you...if you dont want to work things out with him dont accept his calls, dont respond back to him when he writes and if you happen to meet out in public dont spend time conversing with him. show him you are moving on in your life and dont want contact.

think of it kind of like dieting....a person wants to loose weight but also loves the sweets. for some people its hard to move on into good eating habits when they are constantly in situations where they are in contact with those sweets.

some people have to put up firm boundaries and follow through with those boundaries. following through only part of the time doesnt work.

if you want to move on past this relationship, its up to you to set your boundaries and follow through.

if you want him back then stay in contact with him / accept him for who and how ever he is because you cant control him, you can only control yourself.

[BeeKeeper]

This guy sounds like he's emotionally abusive and in dire need of therapy. I would cut and run. And, since this seems like a lot to process, find a therapist to talk this through with.

Things will not get better. They will get worse. You cannot change him. Go find yourself someone who is healthy and stable.. Ive been there... Believe me, this relationship is not worth the pain it will cause you. Cut all ties and move on. Its scary and hard but it needs to be done.

[0w6c379]

My Thoughts: End this now. Don't listen to any excuses. Don't be wishy washy or hesitant for a minute. If you are he will pick up on it and continue the pursuit. Seek help if he is threatening or dangerous in any way. Good luck. You deserve much better and will find it if you cut loose.

[loudpipes]

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. I know it must be hard, but I would stay as far away from him as possible. Send him an email tell him you are done and that he is to no longer call you, email you or stop by. And that if he continues to do so you will get a restraining order. Then if I was you I would seek some therapy for all the emotional abuse he has put you through. Because dear heart it sounds like he has been mind #!##! you for along time.

[~Christina]

Just walk away, You can't change him, nor does it seem he wants to change. Life is to short.

Move on, now.