Facing a dilemma about whether to tell my counselor something.

Here’s the situation:
I’ve been planning something for over a year that I really think will help me find myself and become a better person. I call it SWEP—Summer Wilderness Escape Plan. I’ve got supplies and locations and I really want to spend a few weeks alone in the wilderness. I do have experience hiking and backpacking and know all the rules and feel that I’m prepared. I think this is something that will benefit me. I’m 19 years old and a girl.

As the summer nears, I feel myself beginning to chicken out. I really want to tell someone and the most obvious person would be the college counselor I’ve been seeing for depression and other issues. However, I don’t want her to talk me out of it or see it as a suicide plan. I also don’t want her to worry because what I’m planning is dangerous to the point of recklessness.

This is not something I can tell my parents and I don’t have friends I can confide in. I feel really sick about lying. I’m going to have to lie to my parents and say I got a summer job or something out of town and then lie again about why I can’t call them every so often. They’re very protective and quite strict, even though I am technically an adult.

Please tell me what you think—advice or comments of any kind are welcome. Thank you.

Wow. I don't know you, so I can't share an opinion as to whether I would agree with you about being prepared. But you may be, and for some people, this kind of excursion is a freeing and therapeutic experience. I can't say if it's healthy or unhealthy for you to do this, but I do think you should talk about it with someone in your life. I would probably recommend telling your college counselor, even though I understand your worries.

I agree, you're an adult, and it's your decision. I don't think it's a great idea to go off without them knowing where you are, just in case. They will worry.

I would not go off alone. I think you have a dangerous fantasy going, based on your use of the word "escape". When I was about 20 and within a semester or two of leaving college I decided I wanted to join the military and be stationed as far from my stepmother and family as I could be to find myself (I was picturing "Alaska" :-) I don't think it works like that (I'm 62 now) and I'm glad that plan (I did the tests/interview to be an officer after graduation, I wasn't chosen) did not work out for me.

If you are chickening out, I would take that as a clue for myself. I'd try to figure out a job or schooling, something that would "separate me" from whatever it is I was trying to escape. My parents lived in suburban Maryland and I moved/went to live in Washington, D.C. (all of 45 minutes from them :-) Figure out a more practical way to escape, that moves your life forward; it is my experience that "vision quests," and finding one's self quickly doesn't last. One has to live one's life, day-by-day, you can't jump ahead or "arrive" at somewhere you think will be better; living and experiencing life is not what we think about it.

lyravincent,

I don't understand why you can't mention to *Jane that you're going to Timbuktoo to backpack for a few weeks. You could tell her that you're bringing your maps and cell phone in case of an emergency. That's not so bad, is it??

But, no, it isn't safe for one person (particularly one woman) to be hiking alone for 3 weeks without telling a soul where she's going. Unless you want your missing person's case to be covered on CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, etc. or something like that.

Heck, 30 years ago that wasn't the safest thing for a young woman to do. Now? I hate to sound like Ms. Negativity, but today's society is even more dangerous than it was 30 years ago. I sure as hell wouldn't want you to be camping out entirely alone for weeks, without telling anyone where you are!!! Please at least tell a friend and your parents where you're going and bring emergency equipment with you.

Very best wishes to you!! Oh, and welcome to Psych Central!