Something I wrote on my Tumblr that I thought you guys might like...

American society values a variety of things: money, sports, business success, religion, celebrities, and “normality”. Society teaches our children to be good at sports, excel in extracurricular activities to boost their college applications, graduate high school and college with the highest possible GPA, do well on the SAT and ACT’s, be beautiful on the outside, get in to the best possible University, get married, have 2.5 babies, work until retirement, and then die.

Something it has forgotten to value is each other. Stand United? Screw that. I have heard more insulting, offensive, ignorant, and uneducated statements and opinions on mental illness than I care to admit. And I don’t think these people have the SLIGHTEST idea as to the damage they are causing by saying these statements and perpetuating a horrendous stigma on mental illness…and not even that…on expressing “negative” emotions in general. I am a mostly recovered mentally ill adult, and the statements I hear leave a sting and piss me off, but I have developed skills to cope with it…but what about the people who are where I was a few years ago. Wait, no…what about our young teens and children?

They are who I really want to talk about here.

For some ungodly reason, people seem to think that children have the intelligence of a turnip and aren’t aware of the emotions that they experience on a daily basis. NOT TRUE. They feel all emotions (happiness, sadness (sometimes even depression), fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, etc) just like adults, they may just need help expressing them. And as parents, teachers, brothers and sisters, neighbours, pastors and other religious leaders, and anyone else who is close with these children, it is our duty to LISTEN to them. And no, this doesn’t mean hearing, “I’m sad,” and responding with, “There’s no reason to be sad! Be happy!” That creates an invalidating environment, retards a child’s emotional growth, and begins the process of creating acting out and problem behavious. It gives the child the impression that their emotions are wrong and unimportant.

Your child’s EQ is just as, if not more, important than their IQ.

If you or the school starts noticing changes in your child’s mood or behaviour, talk to them. They may be depressed or sad. Something may be happening at school. Something may have happened at home that upset them and they need to talk about. They may be exhibiting warning signs of mental illness. Or it may be nothing…but even just checking in with your kid lets them know that they are important and that their emotions matter.

I think about these things because of what happened to me and people I know. I think about these things because of kids I know that need help…or at least just someone who will listen to them. I say these things because our children are dying by their own hand…and still no one can see the obvious problem.

I’ve often sat back and thought that if my parents had gotten me help when I was younger, would things have gotten so bad? Would I have gotten so sick?

I first threatened to kill myself when I was 7. SEVEN. My mom told me I was being melodramatic. I was violent as a child and broke a girl’s ribs in 3rd grade. I have absolutely no memory of 2nd grade and all my mom would tell me was that I came home from school every day crying. How is this normal? And still…no one tried to help. By 4th grade my school couldn’t handle my acting out and sent me to be evaluated by a psychiatrist to make sure I wasn’t “disturbed”. The psychiatrist invited my mother to attend the evaluation which I believe is horribly wrong. My mother is and has always been the main object of my stress and fear, so I was unable to be honest. The psychiatrist wasn’t able to notice my fear and twisting of answers and told my mom it was just a phase and would pass. Yes, a child wanting to kill themselves is just a phase. I grew up and in high school began cutting and using drugs. I was caught doing these things and my school called me an attention seeker. My parents saw my cuts once and yelled at me for them. I asked them to go to therapy and still they said no. That I was just eccentric. I became horribly depressed and my grades suffered, and because of the poor grades I was grounded and confined to my room for months at a time. I went to my guidance counselor asking for help. She nicknamed me “mopey”

I wonder if she would have chosen her words more wisely if she knew I would spend the next almost 10 years in and out of hospitals, treatment centers, and psychiatric and drug addiction residences? Probably not. My senior year something in me snapped. I literally had a period of pure insanity. I made a plan to kill my parents, because I was at my wits end and I couldn’t handle anything anymore. I confided in a friend what I was going to do, and the next day 6 cops were waiting for me at my house to look for a gun I hadn’t purchased yet. They saved my parents life and I am thankful for that. But what happened? Thankfully my parents decided not to press charges, but I was kicked out of my house and was now homeless for the first of many times to come. Still no help for the blaring illness I clearly had. My school, after realizing they now had a homeless mentally ill student, told my parents that either the state was taking custody of me or they were putting me in therapy. They chose therapy.

But why did it have to get to that point? Why did it take my brain snapping in to violent insanity after year after year after year of screaming at people to please PLEASE help me and being ignored to FINALLY start getting help?

And the sad thing is, had I killed my parents, the news story would probably have been about a mentally ill girl killing her parents, and people would be sobbing and wondering about what could have been done to prevent such a tragedy. And they would never have known about the abuse at home. And my story would never have been known. And they would never have known that I had been begging EVERYONE for help since I was a little girl.

How many people out there have a similar story to me…or worse? How many children out there are going through the same thing…accumulating permanent damage day by day that they may not see adulthood. And if they do, they may not be as lucky as me to ever see treatment. They may just be in and out of jail like so many mentally ill people are.

We need to start educating ourselves and the public about mental illness, emotions, and childhood emotional development. We would see less childhood violent acts (towards themselves and others), we would see less bullying, we would have more functional and happy children.

I don’t think that people who bash on mental illness realize that they may be directing those words towards adults, but the children can hear it. And this happens in a variety of ways.

1. Mentally ill children in school’s who are all ready suffering for whatever reason. Hearing these statements makes them less likely to ever reach out for help.

2. Their own children who will repeat their statements to their peers and grow up perpetuating this disgusting stigma.

3. Their own children who may be experiencing less than desirable emotions or developing mental illness and will be too ashamed to ask you for help and hate themselves for being something you show explicit distaste for.

[lizardlady]

Excellent post!

[poptart316]

I think treatment can only help so much.. I had a really rough childhood, I started having depression in 1st or 2nd grade, I didn't really understand my feelings and couldn't comprehend depression or knew why I felt the way I did.. I just remember that I had absolutely no energy, I never brushed my teeth or hair and would wear sweats and these ugly pink boots because I didn't feel like tying my shoes. My mom caught onto it pretty quickly and got therapist and put on meds.. but the way I see it now she was putting all the responsibility onto someone else and not really doing much on her part as a parent. My mom was absent, she had left me to be raised by my grandparents while she went off and married an abusive alcoholic. I think THAT was one of the reasons why I was depressed, she abandoned me. She was around somewhat, but very distant and she never really talked to me or knew what was going on in my life. I experienced a lot of bullying and childhood traumas that I think I could've avoided if only she would've been there to offer more guidance. I was sent to shrinks/doctors, put into a special ed school, put into hospitals all throughout my childhood and adolescent years and I don't feel like it did any good, in fact I think might have even perpetuated my problems by making me feel "different" and like there was something wrong with me. I just feel like she could've handled the situation better.. I'm not saying I didn't need professional help but she could've did her part and prevented things from getting so out of control.