[henrydavidtherobot]

Ive been having a bit of a rough time since I moved to a college town. I'm a lot happier than I was in my home town, but I've been struggling with finding balance in every thing I do. As a perfectionist, I tend to work too hard, which leads me to miss out on my writing and my experiences.

I've had trouble building an ideal social life. I have a hard time finding people that I like to be around. When I force myself to try and make more friends, things go wrong. I've lost so many friends this year for nothing that I have done.

I've been excited to be spending time with a guy a like, but I don't think it's going anywhere. I find myself nervous and impulsive around him and he hasn't made a move in a while. Im not used to rejection, and it's causing me unneeded stress. No one gets it because they find connections with people more easily.

I'm stressed and exhausted all the time. I'm often lonely and unsure hw hat to do to find friends here. I'm just so confused because I'm attractive, smart, kind, and into fun stuff. Im having issues with self esteem.

I'm sick of being alone most of the time and only being able to connect with most of my peers if I'm drunk. Does this feeling get better with age?

I feel like I ostracized myself more by bugging my crush to return a sign we stole this weekend. I can't help that I'm not as "chill" as my peers. I don't want to do things that make me feel uncomfortable to reduce this outcast feeling, but I don't get why nobody likes me

[LovelaceF]

Hi henrydavidtherobot,

Sorry you're going through this. There is always this expectation that college is going to be a rich and fulfilling experience with people who are destined to form deeply connected friendships. Unfortunately that's not always the case, as you seem to have discovered.

I find this line from your post particularly illustrative:

"I feel like I ostracized myself more by bugging my crush to return a sign we stole this weekend."

I wonder whether you're simply hanging out with the "wrong crowd". One could argue that stealing signs is not particularly smart, and that perhaps a smart girl like you should be hanging out with a more responsible circle of friends. When you say that you're into "fun stuff", what exactly does that mean? Parties? Impromptu productions of Shakespearean adaptations? Spray painting bridges? Tipping cows? "Fun stuff" is about as subjective as it gets. Do you friends enjoy similar "fun"? My guess is that they do not, and that you are incompatible with this group because they are enjoying rule breaking and you are a rule follower.

[Travelinglady]

You might want to try posting in the school forum, too, to see if other college students are struggling with this kind of issue. Also, have you checked out our college student social group?

[henrydavidtherobot]

I did definately had that expectation. Sadly, my youth has caused me to mature faster than my peers and it is hard to relate with others. I'm into drinking (not drugs), "hipster" media, poetry readings, video games, art, other culturals, community events, art, being outside, intellectual discourse, etc ... The theft isn't typical of my friend and he kindly returned it with no judgment. I'm not sure how to meet the "right people". I go out often will different groups and am very involved at my university. I even had an okcupid for a minute. I'm convinced that I just don't fit in here the guy I've been talking about is actually the most simular person to me I've met so far, but I'm over keeping my hopes up. Hanging out with him is a nice change of pace from my party animal friends. There is just no one here for me, I guess.

I think I will try that forum. Thanks for the heads up!