[bluesky2012]

First of all I apologize if my English is not so good, it is not my native language.
Secondly, I haven't found a certain thread topic with my problem that's why I've decided to share my story here. It's a very long one, but I'll try to keep it relatively short.
My problem is the obsession over someone. I'm 28 years old, female and I've been obsessing over a man for about 15 years. Let's call him David. Some would call it the "celebrity worship syndrome" and in a way it actually is. He is a singer and he has been and still is a tiny bit famous in the music world, but not too much in order to call him a star or something like that.
I've known about his music since I was 13 years old and back then I started obsessing about him. First it was about his voice, I was really crazy about it, then I saw pictures of him and I was crazy about his looks and then I began to be more and more obsessed with him in general. I lived with this passion for a lot of time, in all my teenage years. He was in my mind all the time and I did a lot of things for him back then, although I never did something really bad or crazy (I mean illegal or something like that).
But back then I always had the feeling that I was still a child who was allowed to be like this and never thought about it like a mental health issue. And, although I always took it seriously, because the passion was driving me insane, I was always sure that it would go away when I would grow up, especially when I would meet a boyfriend and be in a relationship.
The problem is... it didn't. It has just "switched off" temporarily from time to time so far. When I had my first serious relationship and I was totally convinced that I found the love of life, I thought I had finally gotten over David. Especially because I made so many efforts about it. I removed every single thing with him from my house and I stopped communicating with any other fan which could remind me of him. And this lasted for two years! Then I realized at some point I was actually the same crazy about him and that nothing had changed.
I lived like this with this on and off thing for some time and then again at the beginning of my current relationship I tried desperately to forget about him, because everything was going so fine in my relationship and I didn't want to spoil it again. Until a few months ago when everything got new dimensions. For the first time in my life I was lucky (really lucky) to meet David and to hang out with him for a day and a half! And I was in heaven, the dream of my life had come true, something I had never ever dared even to think about! A lot of time afterwards I was so happy, I couldn't believe it happened. And I know what it's usually typical when you meet your idol, that you are disappointed, and I also thought I would be, but it was not like this in my case at all! He was really EXACTLY how I imagined him to be, just perfect for me and we spent countless hours just talking about stuff. But yes, that was all, because he told me that I am very beautiful and seem a very nice person, but he's very happily married and he has found the love of his life. I mean I had obviously already known that he was married, but this time I felt it differently, really like a blow over my head. That day ironically both made my dream come true and crushed my dreams forever.
I realized he doesn't want this, so I had to get back to the normal "fan status". I tried and try not to stalk him, not to disturb him, my God, I would do anything just to see him happy, but since that day the obsession has gotten in me much worse than before. He's constantly in my head and I dream about him all the time and then I wake up and sink in depression because I realize I won't ever be with him, maybe not even talking to him again. I'm trying to hide it usually and to behave like a normal person, I am actually really a normal and rational person when it comes to any other stuff, except him. But I feel that this obsession is killing me and I don't know what to do anymore. Needless to say my relationship has gotten worse in the last months and this is the thing I hate most, because it was a very beautiful one. My boyfriend knows about my obsession, but he loves so much and tries to somehow "heal me", but so far there aren't any results. It seems this obsession doesn't have anything to do with any other man and it exists independently of any relationship I am in.
I just want this obsession gone, but I really don't know how! I have tried everything I could throughout the years, remove all the stuff and references that somehow reminds me of David, stop listening to his music, even avoiding it as much as I could. But these were just temporary solutions and at some point everything came back again. Besides, I am not a lonesome person, I am really social, I have friends, I have a nice career and a job I love, so I have things to keep me occupied. But despite all these things, the obsession is still there and it seems to get worse and worse as time passes.
I must say after all this long time I've become hopeless that I can change something, but still ... I would appreciate any advice or comments about this, especially how I could stop or at least minimize this obsession and especially if someone has lived something similar. Thank you for reading.

[Leed]

Sounds like you've tried everything to rid yourself of this "obsession."

You REALLY need to see a therapist, my friend. Have your medical doctor refer you to a good therapist. Perhaps a therapist could try hypnosis or something, but a therapist is the only answer. It's time to find out WHY you can't let this go.

Your medical doctor can refer you to a therapist who is best for you -- he'll know who to send you to, so talk to him.

I wish you the very best. Will you let us know how you come out? I'd really like to know! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by bluesky2012

First of all I apologize if my English is not so good, it is not my native language.
Secondly, I haven't found a certain thread topic with my problem that's why I've decided to share my story here. It's a very long one, but I'll try to keep it relatively short.
My problem is the obsession over someone. I'm 28 years old, female and I've been obsessing over a man for about 15 years. Let's call him David. Some would call it the "celebrity worship syndrome" and in a way it actually is. He is a singer and he has been and still is a tiny bit famous in the music world, but not too much in order to call him a star or something like that.
I've known about his music since I was 13 years old and back then I started obsessing about him. First it was about his voice, I was really crazy about it, then I saw pictures of him and I was crazy about his looks and then I began to be more and more obsessed with him in general. I lived with this passion for a lot of time, in all my teenage years. He was in my mind all the time and I did a lot of things for him back then, although I never did something really bad or crazy (I mean illegal or something like that).
But back then I always had the feeling that I was still a child who was allowed to be like this and never thought about it like a mental health issue. And, although I always took it seriously, because the passion was driving me insane, I was always sure that it would go away when I would grow up, especially when I would meet a boyfriend and be in a relationship.
The problem is... it didn't. It has just "switched off" temporarily from time to time so far. When I had my first serious relationship and I was totally convinced that I found the love of life, I thought I had finally gotten over David. Especially because I made so many efforts about it. I removed every single thing with him from my house and I stopped communicating with any other fan which could remind me of him. And this lasted for two years! Then I realized at some point I was actually the same crazy about him and that nothing had changed.
I lived like this with this on and off thing for some time and then again at the beginning of my current relationship I tried desperately to forget about him, because everything was going so fine in my relationship and I didn't want to spoil it again. Until a few months ago when everything got new dimensions. For the first time in my life I was lucky (really lucky) to meet David and to hang out with him for a day and a half! And I was in heaven, the dream of my life had come true, something I had never ever dared even to think about! A lot of time afterwards I was so happy, I couldn't believe it happened. And I know what it's usually typical when you meet your idol, that you are disappointed, and I also thought I would be, but it was not like this in my case at all! He was really EXACTLY how I imagined him to be, just perfect for me and we spent countless hours just talking about stuff. But yes, that was all, because he told me that I am very beautiful and seem a very nice person, but he's very happily married and he has found the love of his life. I mean I had obviously already known that he was married, but this time I felt it differently, really like a blow over my head. That day ironically both made my dream come true and crushed my dreams forever.
I realized he doesn't want this, so I had to get back to the normal "fan status". I tried and try not to stalk him, not to disturb him, my God, I would do anything just to see him happy, but since that day the obsession has gotten in me much worse than before. He's constantly in my head and I dream about him all the time and then I wake up and sink in depression because I realize I won't ever be with him, maybe not even talking to him again. I'm trying to hide it usually and to behave like a normal person, I am actually really a normal and rational person when it comes to any other stuff, except him. But I feel that this obsession is killing me and I don't know what to do anymore. Needless to say my relationship has gotten worse in the last months and this is the thing I hate most, because it was a very beautiful one. My boyfriend knows about my obsession, but he loves so much and tries to somehow "heal me", but so far there aren't any results. It seems this obsession doesn't have anything to do with any other man and it exists independently of any relationship I am in.
I just want this obsession gone, but I really don't know how! I have tried everything I could throughout the years, remove all the stuff and references that somehow reminds me of David, stop listening to his music, even avoiding it as much as I could. But these were just temporary solutions and at some point everything came back again. Besides, I am not a lonesome person, I am really social, I have friends, I have a nice career and a job I love, so I have things to keep me occupied. But despite all these things, the obsession is still there and it seems to get worse and worse as time passes.
I must say after all this long time I've become hopeless that I can change something, but still ... I would appreciate any advice or comments about this, especially how I could stop or at least minimize this obsession and especially if someone has lived something similar. Thank you for reading.

you probably cant find a thread about this issue because in general being infatuated/ obsessed with singers/actors/ and other "famous" persons isnt a mental disorder ....unless certain things happen like a person believing they are that famous person, having delusional /hallucinations that the famous person is with them all the time ...believing the unreal conversations/actions with the famous person is real... then it falls into a mental disorder called Schizophrenia, psychosis and other mental disorders.

one thing that jumped out at me in your post was your statement that its typical for people to be disappointed when they meet their idol... around here in New York which is in the USA disappointment isnt a typical reaction.. most people around here are very happy/excited/ some to the point where they faint/scream/ try to take a lock of their idols hair/catch what ever their idol is throwing and other very happy and excited feelings/behaviors. the only time there is any disappointment is when things like the idol cant sign autographs or has to cancel the show.

I understand you want to get rid of this preoccupation/infatuation/obsession over your idol.. maybe you can learn to live with it in a different way and then it will ease up for you and eventually go away if thats what you want.

both my wife and I have our idols. We have seen our idols in concert and on Broadway many times. sometimes we travel to other towns, states to see our idols. We have also met our idols back stage and at after show parties. We both keep scrap books about our idols.

As teens and adults we have also entertained our selves with fantasies/thoughts/ .... about our idols. Some of our fantasies/thoughts/... My wife and I have many times roll played about our idols during our intimate moments together.

guess what... its very normal to have an idol, fantasize, think about, roll play about those idols ....as long as the person doing the fantasizing/thinking about/ roll playing understands its all imaginary/ pretend/ not really happening, and never will happen with the idol.

guess what... it was our therapists that told us to go ahead, have fun, play around with our fantasies/thoughts about our idols. it actually enhances/helps/ makes better relationships when you fantasize/roll play about idols. and for some it actually fullfills that need to be part of the idols life.

yea you and this idol will never be an item/couple/together...but its not the end of the world... and its not the end of your fantasies/infatuation with this idol.

Im wondering if maybe its the thought of having to give this idol up is the reason why you are focused on the fact that you and he will never be together... kind of like me and my being on skates...Ive never been on skates and never will. but I have always wanted to be able to skate like the pros. The more I focus on what I ....cant... do and what .....wont ....happen the more I sink down into depression.

you dont necessarily have to give up thinking about, fantasizing about and being infatuated with your idol. instead of focusing on the negative (you wont be a couple) look at the other positive ways in which you do have that idol in your life (your fantasies, thoughts, how its made you into the person you are, and other positives) acknowledge your thoughts and fantasies when they come up instead of trying to push them away/get rid of them. the getting rid of them will happen all on its own when its no longer full filling some conscious or unconscious need in you.

Some people incorporate their idols into their lives the way my wife and I do. some people turn their infatuation with their idols into a very lucrative business adventure (here in america even though the singer/actor Elvis is dead you can still find people dressed up and living the same life as Elvis, some put on shows just like their idol Elvis did...)

my point is there are many ways in which a person that is infatuated/obsessed with their idols can still get their needs filled and still have their fantasies and such in healthy ways.

my suggestion talk with your treatment providers, they can help you incorporate this idol into your life in positive ways while working with you to understand what need in you is being full filled by your infatuation/obsession and can help you feel better about easing up on yourself and eventually help you let go of your idol if thats what you really want to do.