[tobturn]

Hey everyone, in short:

Used to be terrified of not being able to become a respected actor/comedian because my severe acne was returning after it disappeared for two years thanks to antibiotics, then I thought about disfigurement and got totally terrified this would happen to me.*

Didn't understand where the fear was coming from, started thinking it was a premonition.

After months I got convinced it wasn't because the thought about disfigurement would've never popped up in my head if it wasn't for the acne.

Then a new theory suddenly popped up in my head: what if it was a premonition, but thinking about disfigurement triggered it? It was gonna happen anyway, and I never would've known if I didn't thinking about it, but thinking about it triggered the premonition.

I know OCD does this, it searches for new possibilities and theories to stay scared, but the thing that is worrysome is that at first(and still) this new theory was really really hard to put into words. It was more a feeling than a thought. Everytime I think about the theory and try to get it clear in my head and to find the right words to describe it, I get this really frustrated feeling, like my mind wants to run away from it. I get stuck.

I'm really scared that this means it IS a premonition**if it's more of a feeling rather than a thought doesn't that mean it could be a prominition? Why do I get stuck and get frustrated when I think about it?

Take care all

[Perna]

You cannot tell the future. However, your thoughts and actions now can influence how you behave in the future.

If we do not know the future, why not make up and think about good "premonitions"? It is in your head, not anyone else's, start thinking about becoming an actor/comedian if that is what you want to do; what do you have to do next to get on that road you want?

If I cannot get one of my anxious thoughts to leave me alone, I accept it (that I am having the thought and trouble with it, not that it is "true") and think about what I might be able to do about it? In this case, I don't see much you can do about it if you are "doomed" to be disfigured? So, you are not disfigured now/yet, why waste now? It is a worry similar to worrying about getting old?

One of my favorite book quotes is, "The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story" and I use that to help myself too; if I am not happy, if the end is not here yet, the story is not finished? It keeps me in the present and working toward my goal.