Well, I'm not quite sure how to go about fixing this...

I'm honestly not sure what forum this would go under, since it's a lot of issues that are all intertwined; plus, I have no idea what's wrong with me, so there's another problem.

Well, here goes... around a year and a half ago, I started noticing this other "person" in my head who seemed to have her own separate sentience. The two of us would talk, and though part of me knew it wasn't normal, the other was absolutely convinced that she was real. I'm not entirely sure if I genuinely thought that though, or if I just tried to convince myself she was because she was a better friend than any of my real ones. However, while she did seem to care about me, she had a cruel sense of humor, was more often than not criticizing my actions, and had a short temper that would eventually make me blow up at people for little to no reason, while I'm generally a docile person who dislikes anger and fighting. Eventually it got to be too much for me, and while she helped me a lot with my confidence and criticized me enough for me to change myself into someone I genuinely liked, I wanted her to go away.

So, I kinda did something stupid; I deliberately created another one. This one, being my own creation entirely, was essentially the exact opposite of the first. She was both meant to be a balance and someone for me to confide in I guess, as I didn't really trust anyone at the time. This just caused a ridiculous amount of stress with two other voices jabbering in my head, and after a while I tried to get rid of them, but I couldn't figure out how. At this point, I was still entirely convinced that they were beings in their own right.

However, shortly after this, I met someone whom I quickly became close friends with; being the first person my age I'd had much interaction with in a long time, I started to realize that this wasn't normal at all and I probably needed to get help. However, after I started to convince myself that they were just in my imagination, they started to go away. I assumed that it would all get brighter from there.

Instead, my mind found another way to make me miserable. Prior to this, I was just shy; recently, I've been getting more and more terrified of people, to the point where the only person I willingly talk to is the same close friend from before. I haven't told anyone about this, because I'm afraid they'll question and judge me, which will then likely lead to therapy and thus more terror. As to why I'm so afraid of people? I'm not quite sure. I'd say it's Social Anxiety or something of the sort, but I can talk in front of a large group of people without hesitation, never get embarrassed, and I'm not afraid of being judged besides the idea of being labeled as "crazy", due to the consequences of such a label. At this point though, I've found it's a somewhat irrational fear that everyone is going to hurt me - not on purpose, but I'm generally a very caring person and get upset when others don't care as much about me.

I've also been experiencing another two issues; the first is that I've been witnessing a decline in my emotions over the past year or so, save for fear. I'll get occasional spurts of other emotions now and then, and it's getting better, but it still bugs me as I used to be a highly emotional person. Second, I can never seem to let myself be happy; it's a fear of being crushed to the ground again. For example, earlier today I asked somebody to do me a favor, and when they accepted, I quickly took it back and begged them NOT to do it, even though it would have made my life a lot easier if they had. I think part of it was that I'm not used to hearing "yes" as an answer; whenever I do, I freak out because I'm not sure how to handle the situation as simple as it may seem.

tl;dr, I need help, but I'm so terrified of it that getting it will only make me worse. What am I supposed to do? Also, does anyone have an idea of what's wrong with me?

Sorry for the wall of text...

Hi, Ephemeron, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

It sounds to me like you have been too much alone and have a really good imagination :-) I would perhaps find a counselor/therapist for your anxiety and shyness issues and learn to focus more on the real world than living inside your head.

Yes, you do sound pretty lonely with all those thoughts by yourself. could you please go to the doctor at a free clinic or get involved in some type of project as therapy, i'm definately sure you would need some type of therapy, even if it seems scarry, i think you should attempt it. i did have a similiar experience, when i was younger and got the help for me, so i am a good example to tell you this.

Ok so I don't want to freak you out because this could be a lot of things but psychosis and schizophrenia have a lot of these symptoms. Creating personalities in your head could be as simple as having an imaginary friend but it could be equivalent to having voices. I had distinct personalities that would talk to me but I would never see them. Also the lessening of emotion could be something called flat affect another symptom. The only way to find out is goto a psychiatrist and get help. Getting help will not make you worse it will only cause you to be labeled. A psychiatrist would be my first choice but I'm really not sure if your sick or not and so a psychologist might be able to clarify what's going on.

This will not get to you in a very timely manner so I'll just keep it general. It sounds as if you have a highly creative imagination. You can also create a force within yourself that pushes those voices or those psychosis (though I'm not certain it's psychosis if you can control them) out of your way. When you find them getting in the way of your functioning level, they are gone. Good. There are however other ways of contributing to your own creative side, for us bi-polar affected people can be very creative,

It sounds as if you have created these "people in your head" to help you. They can be your friends and confidants. One judged you, the other more compassionate. We need both in our friends. Most friends cannot fulfill that double bill.

What it sounds like you may need is friends (multiple) whom you can trust. Hard in this day and age. Difficult in any day and age, actually. I would go to the doctor to have him check it ou. Just check it out. You don't have to go to him/her with a set sense of what is going on. Just remain curious about the process when you speak with him.

I have a friend inside my head and have had for quite a while. I know shes not really there and is not an entity at all, just a thought, or creation if you will, quite unlike my mother and more like my dad who encourages me, can see things my way but can also give me clarity. I take her out of her hiding place to listen to her semi-frequently, when things are going either very badly or very well.

Nevertheless I would give a psychiatrist a call. Remain open to all rational possibilities and that the answer is not what you may think it should be.