[needamommy]

I am very interested in connecting with my very lonely and frightened inner child. How do i determine the age she is stuck at? i really feel as though it is around the age of 3 or 4, but how can i know for sure?

[MotownJohnny]

I do think you instinctively know, and also I think you get "stuck" at the age of the worst trauma. For me, life was really hard as a teen, my father's mental state was really bad, he was horribly emotionally abusive. I feel like I was stuck at about 16. Never felt like a grown man really, felt stuck at about 16. The age when he really tormented me, wanted me to stay away from my mom. Found out later he accused us if having sex, which was completely in his mind but really angered and hurt me when I found out.

Grew up a lot in the last year, I feel like a man, not a kid.

[possum220]

She is just a little kid. Personally i dont think knowing the exact age is important. She may not know herself. The fact is you are aware or her. Take care of her.

[kindachaotic]

If this is concerning enough that finding out would benefit your healing,
consult your therapist or consider getting one.
Some think it's integral in fitting in missing time frames of your life.
Others don't want to go that deep into their past.
BTW Welcome to PC!!
Take care

[-jimi-]

I don't think I have an inner child. Are you supposed to have one?

[Fuzzybear]

..........

[lizardlady]

The "inner child" is a psychological concept. It's not referring to an actual child within the adult. It's referring to the child-like aspects of one's personality. There is no specific age for the "inner child".

Some folks with DID have child alters. I have one. She's about 4 or 5. She was one terrified Little One. It took a long time in therapy to convince her she was safe and "I" would take care of her. I am integrated now, but I can still tap into her if/when I need to. If I feel her starting to want to come forward it's a sign to me that I need to take better care of myself because she is feeling threatened.

Several of you mentioned that you feel like your development stopped at a certain age. That's not unusual. Development can stop at the time of a trauma. Good news is that healing can take place and the person can move forward.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by jimi...

I don't think I have an inner child. Are you supposed to have one?

Scooby Do quote

"You've touched my inner child ... and made him REALLY MAD!!"

[avlady]

I had scarlet fever as a chile and now i get really nervous when i get sick, i remember my parents driving me to the emergency room, i was hallucinating i was seeing snakes on my pajamas. I still remember it and I think when i'm sick with flu or other illnesses it brings back the feeling of having a fever again and it scares the heck out of me even to this day. Maybe that is my inner child too?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by needamommy

I am very interested in connecting with my very lonely and frightened inner child. How do i determine the age she is stuck at? i really feel as though it is around the age of 3 or 4, but how can i know for sure?

here where I am (NY the one in the USA as apposed to the New York in other countries) the inner child doesnt have an age. here the inner child concept means a person feels like a child. example someone getting married can feel like they did when they were 10 on their birthday or 5 when they went to kindergarten or 18 when they graduated high school. its all relative to a persons own life experiences and emotions they have felt through out their own childhood...

which means only you can say how old you were when you felt the same emotions you are feeling as an adult.

now if you are talking instead about alternate personalities ages. well that alternate personality will either tell you or they wont, they will either sign their name and age on things they own/draw what ever or they wont. theres no real way to determine an alternate personalities age unless they tell you, some people can match the alternate personalities memories to events in their life chronologically and sometimes that will reveal an alters age but doesnt always because alters can be anything any age in which was needed in order to survive the trauma they went through that caused the person to have the alternate personality.