using markups

(JD) · Feb 06, 2004, 01:48 AM

Ok. seems the simplest of things confound me...

I can NOT get any accentuation into my posts. Just how are those notations supposed to work? and I'm supposed to hold my head which way???

...I can misspeak like the best of us

dexter · Feb 06, 2004, 06:11 AM

The custom markup codes for this board all use square brackets, like [ b ]"text here"[ /b ] (but without the spaces) for bold gives you "text here" and [ i ]"text here"[ /i ] (again without the spaces) for italics gives you "text here".

On the post page, above the box to enter your subject and text, and above your username, there should be a line of text that starts "Fill out the form below..." and at the end of that line is says "Markup is enabled, so you may use markup in your posts." The phrase "markup in your posts" is clickable and will give you a box showing you the codes for urls, images, colors, smilies, etc.

I believe standard html tags are also allowed so you can use and (with no spaces) for bold and and for italic etc. I think you can make real html style links that way and also add things like a horizontal rule with < hr >
<hr>
rules rule!
<hr>
and other html elements like:
<ul>[*]unnumbered lists (like this one)[*]numbered lists[*]bold[*]italic[/i][*]links[*]images[*]clickable images[*]horizontal rules[/list]
Mostly I just stick to the custom square bracket links though using markups

Hope this helps.
<hr>

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

(JD) · Feb 07, 2004, 03:54 PM

duh me... well that's what I thought I was doing, but no results yet. Yes I see the info.. ok on the no spaces rule...

[b] like this [b] no, that's not right... this? ? ok another try: "this?" nothing. now what?

...I can misspeak like the best of us

SundaysChild · Feb 07, 2004, 04:07 PM

Looks like you forgot to close your [ b ] tag with a [ /b ] All tags like [ i ] [ image ] or whatever have to be closed with a [ / ]

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived."

(JD) · Feb 07, 2004, 04:11 PM

omg it all worked! it just doesn't work until you post the post! ok... I'll try some others maybe this one? I like color best thanks! I knew it had to be easy, those are the things I don't get.

...I can misspeak like the best of us

afterfostercare · Feb 08, 2004, 01:24 AM

I have always been fascinated my markup. I am going to try a font change using the following actual html code.

This should come out n a nice cartoony style fond if I did it correctly
I used a font size=5 this time!

<h4>I bet I could create a small table in here too.</h4>
<table cellpadding="5" border="1" width="100%" bgcolor="black">
<td valign="middle" align="Justify" bgcolor="red">This would be the text you see in the left hand "Cell" of the table.
</td>
<td valign="middle" align="justify" bgcolor="green">

This is the text you see in the right hand side and it is freakin YELLOW!!!
</td>
</table>
I bet I could past a bunch of code below from a web page and it would work as well...

<table width="100%" align="center" border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="10">

<td valign="top" bgcolor="white" align="left">

The Foster Care
Council Of Canada


Canada's Central Foster Care And Adoption Information Hub


www.afterfostercare.com

</div>

JOHN DUNN

<HR>
<blockquote>

<div align="center">
using markups

</div>

Note: This page is long, you may wish to print it and read it later.

First a poem my mother had published in the Sudbury Star Newspaper back in the seventies after losing her children to Children's Aid Society.

<div align="center">
<HR>

My Sons

I see their face in every crowd

Each time it brings me pain

Oh how I miss the boys I've lost

I need them back again

I so recall their dancing eyes

Their sweet and gentle smiles

Oh, please my sons, will you return

And stay a little while?

'Tis only once, in our brief span

We hold someone so dear

I'd relinquish all eternity

If I could have them near.

by: Mickey McLeod (Mary McLeod)

July 22nd 1944 - October 06th 1998 (suicide)
<HR>
Hello, and thanks for "checking me out".

This page is basically all about me for anyone who is interested. The picture of me that you see above was taken at the CBC building downtown Toronto some time around early 2002. This was shortly before I walked to the East coast in protest of how the Children's Aid Societies' keep their clients lives a secret, not only from the public, but from the foster children themselves later in life.

They do this in order to keep years of child abuse which has taken place in foster homes, training schools and group homes well hidden to minimize the number of lawsuits that will be filed against them. Some people might think I am crazy, or exagerating. But I was abused in foster care, my brother was abused while in foster care, and countless thousands of other foster care survivors have been abused and killed while in foster care as well.

At the moment I am living in a rooming house in Ottawa, (my 42nd offical place of residence) I have been here since March 2003, after a six month visit to Prince Edward Island from August 2002 - March 2003. I was born in Doctors Hospital in Toronto (which does'nt exist anymore like everything else in my history) November 16th, 1970, at about 5:30am! I think that is the earliest I have ever been awake in my whole life!

I was apprehended into foster care at the age of eighteen months when my mother, Mickey McLeod, who was suffering from a bout of depression at the time, tried to commit suicide. Instead of offering our family assistance, the Catholic Children's Aid Society chose to break us up.

I am the baby of the family, and I have an older brother Ronnie Dunn (Bike Courier In Toronto for seventeen years), an older sister Cathy Senis, another older sister Linda Symonds, and of course, my dearly departed mother, Mickey McLeod of Prince Edward Island, who committed suicide October 06th 1998.

I was moved through thirteen different foster homes until I was eighteen years of age in 1988, and survived years of physical, verbal and emotional neglect at the hands of the Catholic Children's Aid Society of Toronto.

I also witnessed the abuse of my brother (who was with me until I was thirteen) and the abuse of other foster brothers I lived with in group homes. Since then, I have lived off and on welfare, moved over fourty times to date, and have held over sixty different jobs because for some reason, I can not maintain employment.

Maybe it has to do with my life in care. If so, why do the Children's Aid Societies, who have the knowlege of the effects of children living in "LIMBO" as they call it, and who do this to children, not do anything to help them as adults? They could help us by giving reports that state how the damage affects them as adults, so they have an easier time of getting assistance as adults such as ODSP, (disability supports) Social Assistance, discounts from higher education facilities such as College or Universities and other programs of self improvement?
</blockquote>

</blockquote>

RELIGION

<HR>
<blockquote>
Today: Sunday November 29 2003. Today I woke up to choir music on my alarm clock, just around 7:30am. I forgot I had my alarm set because I usually try to make it to St Lukes for breakfast each day. They have free meals for the poor.

Anyhow, I woke up hearing the choir music, and for some reason, decided to go to a church. I think it has a lot to do with watching the Matrix Part II.

The Matrix has an overall theme of spirituality, but it is well hidden behind talk of machines vs. humans. So it is tolerable. I personally can not stand when someone tries to push religion on me. All it does is make me angry for some reason.

But after watching the Matrix, I kind of thought that the message they were getting out was that it is all about choice. Our ability to make a choice as a human being. And that choice is to believe in something, or not.

I also got out of it, that hope is a unique charactoristic of human beings. And, if you have hope, you can do almost anything. Without it, you fail, and faulter.

All of my life, for some reason which I am not yet sure of, I have hated religion because I can not believe in some "GOD" or non-existant being. I have always believed that Jesus existed, but I don't believe he is "son of GOD" or that Mary was a virgin blah blah blah.

I am for some reason, to bound by the physical world to let myself get wrapped up in all that talk. I have the same angry reaction to Christmas. Santa, blah blah blah. I hate it. I prefer to go to a bar, get drunk, and dance to way-cool tunes all night rather than sit at someones house watching lights blink on a Christmas tree and all those anoying decorations lying around.

But that is a different story. Back to religion. The Matrix somehow instilled in me that we must have hope to carry on, or to thrive. Without hope, we have nothing. This is still so new to me that it is a bit of an argument in my head. I know now that I must have hope. But hope for what? Hope that there is a God? What good will that do.

I get so angry with myself for this argument. When I watch masses of people who have blinded themselves with the belief of God, it makes me feel angry. I feel angry because I see these people walk to church in all kinds of weather, to appease their Gods, but what do they do to help their fellow human beings?

They just seem so self serving that way. "Lets make ourselves look like good church going citizens". But then they get in their car, go for coffee, or head right back home to carry on with their lives.

For me, it just drives me crazy. They walk past hungry people on the street, and think, "what could I possibly do... I will pray for him/her". But in reality, they could do so much. Sometimes people just need an opportunity. Not always financial. Sometimes it is resources. Access to resources so they can get ahead.

Praying to God, will not give them these resources. But back to what I was actually trying to get at. Religion. And hope.

I woke up, and for some reason, I felt a strong urge to go to a church today. The last time I went to church full time was before I was seventeen back in 1987. After I left the group home (was moved for abuse) I never went back voluntarily.

But today, for some reason, I just started getting ready, and decided to go. So. I went. I went to a small church called "St. Johns" in Ottawa. A ten minute walk away from me.

</blockquote>

THERAPY

<HR>
<blockquote>
At the moment, I am in therapy for the first time, and have been since approximately April of 2003. I decided to get into therapy for a couple of reasons.

My first reason was because I am finally sick and tired of living WAY below the poverty line, eating unhealthily, losing jobs, [censored] up relationships, and generally "failing to thrive" in society.

Secondly, I have been told repeatedly by concerned friends over the years to take care of myself... to go get looked after. To figure out what is wrong with me. They have told me that yes, the life I lived WAS messed up and damaging, and that yes, it probably has been the cause of my adult life of fifteen years worth of suffering.

No matter how I look at it, I feel like I am copping out, but at the same time, now that I have been in therapy for a few months, I have begun to progress a little bit towards figuring myself out, but it is going to take a long time. I feel at least a couple of more years at one session per week might help.

The reason I feel like I am copping out is because I am asking my therapist for a signature on a form that will go to my welfare worker, which will give me a period of recomended time away from having to actively seek work. Now on to the guilt section!

</blockquote>

THE CHOICE - WORK OR THERAPY
<HR>
<blockquote>
This is where the guilt sets in. But here are my choices as far as I am concerned. When I look back over the past fifteen years of my life, it is filled with lost jobs, (60+), lost apartments (40+) broken relationships, financial hardship caused by the above, and malnourishment which all contribute to years of hell, and costing the tax payers wasted money.

I can go on for the rest of my life as I have been for the last fifteen years, or I can take some time off to concentrate on fixing myself, or at least figuring out WHY I have lived like this, and hopefully, learn how to put a stop to it.

If anything, once I have figured it out, or at least got a handle on things, I might learn how to help others who are living in the same situation. Even if I can't help them directly, maybe they could learn something by looking at my life which may assist in getting them on the road to recovery.

In a couple of therapy sessions, I have learned that I would militantly protect a child who was about to be humiliated by a foster parent, group home staff, or fellow foster sibling. This kind of surprised me because I was asked by my therapist to go back to the times I was abused, or intentionally humiliated, and asked, "what would you do if you were there right now and witnessing that?".

My reaction surprised me. I just instantly knew, I would do everything in my power to make sure the child did not have to endure the humiliation that was about to be inflicted upon him/her by that parent/staff. I would tell the child not to worry about them, and give them some positive feedback, and get them away from the situation somehow, or tell them how to turn it into a powerfull place to be. I even thought about it enough to realize I would risk my job, or life to do it.

It is not for money, or fame I would do it, but rather just out of PURE Empathy. See I suffer from something called Empathy. Some say it is a good quality. I say it is also. But to have so much empathy that you can not succeed in life because you always feel what the other person is going to feel if you succeed over them, to the point of stepping back, slowing down, or stopping to let them succeed is not productive for me.

I think it is what has held me back over the years. I also know it was developed by my life in foster care of being abused, knowing how it feels to be abused, belittled, admonished, and punished, then, when you are rewarded for doing something good, it is mixed with the feeling of rejection by your peers because the staff would rub it in the faces of the other boys, who were maybe not so well "behaved" this week, making you feel guilty for being good.

These are just some thoughts that have come to me over the past few months in therapy, and hopefully over the next couple of years, I can come to terms with a lot more.

But deep down inside, I feel the whole reason I was put through this life of torture and pain, and why I have been kind of "reserved" from normal society, is so that I would learn all of the feelings that are caused by being involved in the foster care industry, and to one day use that "weekness" of empathy as a strength to help others who are going through the same thing.
</blockquote>

PHYSICAL HEALTH / LIFESTYLE
<HR>
<blockquote>
Well. My physical health is something that I don't even know anything about. The last time I had a family doctor I was under eighteen years of age. That is over fifteen years ago!

I am amazed when I hear how people go to a doctor at least once a year! WOW! I must be pretty healthy!

But now at age 33, (November 16th 2003) I am starting to feel the little aches and pains creeping in. Especially while I was homeless here in Ottawa from August until October 2003.

I find that I can not quite bend as quickly as I used to, and when going from a sitting position to a standing one, it is a lot slower and noisier. Not only do I hear bones cracking, and stretching sounds from tendons, but I am beginning to hear more surprising sounds such as little groans when I jump from a three foot wall, or try to climb a steep hill. Yes, I know... just like an old man! What's with that? Am I aging? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

I would even be interested in seeing my own medical records from my life but the Catholic Children's Aid Society is keeping that TOP SECRET as well! [censored], I am not even allowed to have my own medical history? These bastards really know how to piss someone off.

How do I know that there is not something in there I should know? Something with my blood, or mental health even. They won't even tell me who my doctors were. Or my teachers, former foster parents, dentists, nothing. But anyhow, this is the section on my physical health, not my ***** board.

About my physical lifestyle. Well, I am a tall thin geek basically. A long haired geek. I am by far not the "mover" or "construction" type. Nor am I a mechanic, a carpenter, an engineer, a doctor, or a professional. I am a computer geek though. So physically, computer work is not very challenging. I do love to walk around though. I walk almost everywhere.

As for food, well, I eat like [censored]. Basically, I have lived off Mr Noodles for fifteen years! Kraft Dinner comes in at a close second, but over the past couple of years, I have not even been able to afford Kraft Dinner. You see, a Mr Noodles is usually only about 40 cents each or less. That I can afford. I eat them raw, by opening the pack, then opening the chicken powder packet inside and pouring it's contents onto the noodles to add flavour, then I start crunching away.

I never learned how to cook, and for some reason, I have a great fear of cooking. I do have a fear of fire from the time I was stuffed head first into a furnace and maybe that is why when I see people frying food, I am always freakin out that it is going to catch fire, turn it down!!!

</blockquote>

DUMPSTER DIVING
<HR>
<blockquote>

The past couple of months have been particularly hard on me. I have been walking around the streets looking for food, money, or anything such as "you won a free pop" under the lids of pop bottles on the sidewalk.

Just last week, I found a Nanaimo Bar in a dumpster behind a candy store. It was great. I was so down and out, walking around feeling sorry for myself at about ten o'clock at night, when I saw the big blue dumpster behind the store. I walked down there thinking maybe they threw something out that was damaged, and found a little Nanaimo Bar still wrapped in Saran wrap.

A person had purchased it during a fundraiser, then simply threw it out, I know this because on the plastic wrap, there was a little sticker that said something like "Thanks for helping with Breast Cancer". I was so excited. I felt like I had just found a hundred dollars.

I quickly turned around, and started to unwrap it. I gave it a little sniff to see if it was ok, and took my first bite. Hmm.. it was excellent. Fresh, sweet, and just what I needed. A treat.

That night I also headed behind each and every Shoppers Drug Mart I could find because another former foster kid told me how they go there regularly to get food, milk, and other items they throw out at the end of the day due to damage. But I had no luck there. I only found lots of paper work and boxes. Oh well, next time.

Subway's garbage did not escape my prying fingers that night either. But they too had nothing that was really, clean or dry to eat.

I am too embarassed to pan handle so I resort to back alleys at night.

One night, while walking around, I had an opportunity to make some serious cash. An almost instant $100.00! I will explain. A black guy walking up the street towards me stopped me and asked the time. I told him I don't have a watch, and appologized. He said, no problem and then started to ask me how well I know the city, and started asking questions about how open minded the city is. He told me to walk with him, while we talk because it looks like we are making some kind of drug deal otherwise.

He told me his girlfriend works as a stripper, and they are in town for the night, and just looking for someone to join them for an evening. I thought right away that this sounded pretty cool. But was worried about who "she" might be.

He went on to describe her as Asian, and I was sold immediately (I love the look of Asian women) and kept walking and talking. He asked me how much money I would ask for to play with her. Now that was a bit of a twist... a woman asking to pay for fun with a guy... but I kept walking and listening. I said.. well, at the moment, I am walking around with no money, no food and looking for change on the sidewalk.. so any money would be good right now.

He said I seemed like a nice guy and all, and that because I need it, $100.00 bucks would be cool with her. I started thinking this was cool and was into it. I am not stupid, I also was thinking of the fact that he could be psycho and have ten guys in a room ready to just kill me for the fun of it also. I am always thinking prepared.

But then things started getting a little more strange. He was asking if I am into nipple play and all that, and me being of the swinging community a few years ago, I knew what he meant because I have talked with many people of different interests and personally it was not my "thing". I just enjoy normal, but open free sex. I am not into the fetish scene. But also have nothing against it.

He started telling me that she likes a guy to take command and to be really into nipple play, and this is when I started to no longer be interested. I told him that I was not the kind of guy who can dominate a woman like that, and that I was not hardcore into the biting, and twisting nipples really hard as he was asking of me and told him "thanks but no thanks".

I was really mad after that because I needed the money so bad. Also a once in a life time opportunity to be with an Asian woman, plus getting paid!!! haha... oh man, life on the street... you gotta love it.

Hopefully that will be over soon. I am going to try and get a job as a bike courier here in Ottawa. If welfare springs for a bike, I can get a job for the winter. We will see.

</blockquote>

SMOKING / DRUGS / DRINKING
<HR>
<blockquote>
I used to smoke for thirteen years. I quit smoking cold turkey on December 24th 2001. It was quite hard because at the time, I was living with my friends who mostly all smoked in the apartment.

I was still drinking, but I am proud that I quit smoking. It was hard, but well worth it. I quit because I was a walking courier in Toronto and was just starting to get concerned with the fact that I could feel my lungs all day long.

I was running around all day, delivering packages, climbing subway stairs all day, running around, and did I mention running around all day? It just finally got to me, and while I was at my favorite industrial / goth bar called "The Vatikan" (1032 Queen West) on December 24th, X-Mass Eve, someone stole my pack of smokes off of the bar while I hit the washroom. That was it. I decided it was a sign, and quit.

As for drugs, well, I did not really ever get into those. I tried when I was seventeen and eighteen, but smoking pot, hash, and oil only ever made me sick. I was always the guy at the party upstairs on the couch with a pail, or out in the back yard.

As for the drink... well, I am still quite good friends with her. She is my girlfriend at the moment. Because I don't want a girlfriend right now, I have settled for her. Mrs Alcohol.

I am kidding in a way, but as I was just thinking about this, I realised that it has been around in my life since I was seventeen.

It was what introduced me to friends, gave me a sense of humour, and gave me a social life. Instead of failing in school, I was out with friends. Partying on the beach, or at their houses, having a good time.

I was finally able to be liked instead of being told I am doing something wrong. I was funny instead of failing. This is where our relationship began. She just made me feel good about myself. And still, to this day, she is my friend.

I admit we don't see each other as much as we used to, but I think that has to do with age, and the relationship just seems to be getting old. Stale. When I am with her, I feel great. But when she is gone in the morning, I am left with extreme hangovers. Because I don't like those hangovers, I have been, pulling away from her I guess you could say

Yeah, now that I am getting older the drinking thing has really slowed down. I have looked back and seen the many crazy things I have done while drinking. Things like walking down the middle of the Don Valley Park Way in Toronto, an eight lane highway basically at 4:00 in the morning. Or walking from Whitby to Pickering after a night at the bar. Freaking out on a girlfriend over stupid things. Waking up in kitty litter. Waking up in a strangers house. Getting my briefcase stolen from me at 5:00am while sleeping on Bloor Street and Church which contained confidential papers from CBC. You know, little things like that.

So yeah, now I basically only go to one club here in Ottawa called Zaphod Beeblebrox on York Street on a Tuesday Night because it is Industrial Night. I love industrial nights. Also Monday night is a good night because the DJ plays requests such as Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, etc.. Retro.. you get the idea.

So yeah, now instead of partying every night like in Toronto, I only go once, or twice a month due to my finances. But if I were rich, I would go twice a week for sure. That is cool with me for now. Over time I would like to be able to go to a bar and dance without having to have a drink. This is due to self esteem, but hey, one thing at a time right?

</blockquote>

RELATIONSHIPS
<HR>
<blockquote>
This is quite the big one for me over the past couple of years. I just got out of a very long, and good relationship with a very special woman named Sarah. How on Earth she ever put up with me I will never know. But she did. For four years.

We had our times of course, but mostly it is because of my views on relationships. For some reason, I am very open minded and into the swingers thing. I just feel that nobody should feel they are owned by a partner. A relationship should be free, open, and not fear based. You should feel that you are happy with your partner, and not worry about the future, or when you are going to see each other next. Just be happy when you see each other.

I mean I do like to see my partner when ever. The better the relationship, the more often, like anyone else, but for me, I think I have a different view. I feel that even if a week passed, as long as I was doing something that kept my mind busy, I would be ok. I also feel if my partner finds someone attractive, she should be able to go and be with him for a night or three if she wishes.

I will elaborate more on this later, but for now, I am just tired of concentrating on me right now. In conlusion, I have decided to remain single for a while. It has been over two years now, and I am quite happy with just me and my magazines.

</blockquote>

MY LIFE ON CBC RADIO

<HR>
<blockquote>
I did a documentary on CBC Radio called "Too Many Stops". It is a thirteen minute audio production which takes you on a virtual subway ride through my life in foster care, comparing the two against each other. You can listen to it now by clicking on the link in the table of contents called "CBC DOCUMENTARY". If you don't have the ability to listen to audio on the internet, feel free to order a copy of my foster care CD-ROM.

If you wish to give me any feedback on this page, feel free to visit the Contact Us page.

</blockquote>

Back To Top Of Page



</td>
</table>

Foster Care Radio
http://afterfostercare.com/news

(JD) · Feb 08, 2004, 04:34 PM

Show off! heheheh using markups

You do that well. I blush because I know in my prior state, this would all be child's play.

The "actual html code" didn't print... and how you actually did the other fonts and colors didn't either (I know, that's part of the idea.) Please post how you did that (I guess you need to add spaces so it will post?)

Oh wow, here I am telling you how to do this? pardon.

I am curious with how you have access to the internet there... in USA our libraries offer use, but require long waiting and short time on.

...I can misspeak like the best of us

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