How did people react to you when they found out?

I have been really good at covering up the fact that I had a mental health issue/crisis last year. Only three people in "real life" know, and that was not by choice. Two are family. One reacted surprisingly well, and was a lot better about it than I thought. The other one literally exploded on me and told me she never wanted to see me again - it was very ugly for a while, finally she came around to some extent, but we no longer talk about anything very deep. Had to tell my boss obviously, he was a lot better about it than I thought, he had dealt with MH issues in his immediate family and understood.

Honestly, I was terrified when this happened, and still uneasy. I feel like my life would be over if people found out I spent time going to a psychiatric program, even if it was "day hospital" as they call it. It 's been almost a year now, and I still worry about this a lot. I worry that reactions might range from people avoiding me/ending relationships to calling me out as a liar to kicking me out of the family.

Motown Johnny, welcome to PC. I'm truely sorry your relative blew up on you. You will find a varying reaction from everyone you tell. I have been in the hospital twice and once for a day hospital. I'm careful who I tell this to. My close family and a few friends know. I have been honest in relationships if they look like they are becoming serious because the person needs to be able to understand that I do have a mental illness. I don't think my life would be over if I told more people. I'm pretty much open with those who know me about being bipolar because I beleive it is the only way to educate people about the subject. If the subject comes up I'm honest and usually get decent results.
I'm sure you will get other opinions as well. That is why the forums are so great. Look around and post when you feel like jumping in.
Gayle

Motown Johnny Welcome!!! I hope you get the help you need and people don't get to you, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you have a problem. The more people know about your illness the better they can relate to you.

Nobody knows the truth. My husband just thinks I get depressed and I told him I hav PTSD but he will never know about the bulimia or self-harm. I can not bear the shame and humiliation it would cause in me.

I'd rather tell people so they understand me better and so that it can seem less scary. I feel like it can help people understand me and not think in weird. However, I think that it depends on the illness. It's easier to tell people that you have anxiety and depression over something such as an addiction or BPD. I'm covered in scars on my legs from self harm. If some one asks about them, I make jokes, such as telling people that Jaws attacked me, so the mood isn't as heavy.

Hi and welcome to PC. My family somewhat understands because mental health issues are so prevalent in my family. I have had mixed results telling people outside of the family. I have lost friends over it but I think it is because I have overwhelmed them telling them too much too soon and they did not understand. I try to be more discerning these days about who I tell. I realize not everybody needs to know. if I am not doing well, I can tell others so they can understand where I am at, otherwise they do not need to know what is going on with me. I function just as well as anybody else when I am doing ok.

The people I've chosen to tell have all been supportive. Some needed an explanation of what bipolar was. I'm selective in who I tell what to though - even if they know "bipolar" they may not know "suicidal" or someone may know of past OD's but not know of the bipolar. It just depends on the person and what I feel like sharing with them individually.

I've had people who I've told things to in the past start out as supportive, but it turned out that they weren't really, although I appreciated the fact that they attempted to be. Those friendships are all over with, because ultimately I can't stay friends with someone who can't accept me as I am. Which is probably why I don't share much with people... because if I don't tell them then they can't end up rejecting me for it.

I have slowly, over probably the past couple of years, been more and more open about the fact that I am legitimately certifiable in various ways. I worked as an administrator on a peer to peer mental health site and began putting it on my resume consistently, I would correct people and explain to them why and how I knew about mental health issues. Then about six or eight months ago I just decided it was so exhausting to keep dividing up my life into all these partitions.

And it wasn't even because I had some sort of shame I was carrying around. I don't use my mental health issues as any kind of excuse for anything I do, or use them to protect me from owning personal responsibility,so I am not ashamed. They don't make me a bad person.

I realized when I hid these things about me, it was really only so everyone else wasn't made uncomfortable.

So I just made massive post and note on Facebook which included all my friends, acquaintances, friends' parents, parents' friends, and just spelled it out: I'm crazy, this is how it is, this is what my life is like, if you have a problem with it, that's your problem.

Generally I got very supportive feedback.

And the less you apologize for things that need no apology, the easier it becomes. You won't always get a positive response. Sometimes people are mean or ignorant. But that gets easier to work with. And I'm not saying that shouting it from the rooftops is always a great strategy for everyone, but as Theodor Seuss Geisel (supposedly) once said:

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

My boyfriend was very hurt when he found out I harmed myself but did his best to help and support me.
My best friend does her best to understand and help.
Everyone else stopped talking to me or looked down on me. The whole school knows because when ever I begin recovery I stop covering it up. Only a small percentage don't know and an even smaller percent of people who do know treat me the same.

My family have lots of suggestions of what I can to do fix things. Family tend to want to ignore issues most of the times. I'm sure if I had physical problems things might be very different. Peoples explanation for my problems are quite varied.

Bottom line is - doesnt matter what others think..... its more what you think of yourself.

I have enough to deal with, without having to worry about what others might think. As far as my therapy sessions, I just say that I have "an appointment". I don't concern others with my issues because they are for me to deal with, and because everyone has issues. I'm just one who is dealing with mine in the way I do, with medication and therapy.

Excellent post!


Fuzzy

My family don't care about me so aren't concerned, a few of my friends know things are things wrong but don't like to go into it - not that i'd ask them anyway.

I hope you have more positive experiences.

I have a hard time not being open, it's part of my personality. When I'm manic I tend to tell people even more than usual. I have become a little more discreet, but it's hard. I haven't had much negative feedback until recently when I went on disability. People can be ugly about that! I now tell people when they ask what I'm doing that I'm not working right now and leave it at that.

I am quite open about my mental issues. I have a fabulous school community who really is inviting and open to people who are different. I realized when i was in residential that it was a rare thing i had- to be accepted and appreciated despite hving mental illness. i have never been bullied or anything like that. i have only had positive reactions.

I'm used very selective about who I tell but gave up caring when I stopped SH. When I first went in hospital most of my family thought I was making it up. They don't any more but I still feel wary about discussing things with them. My friends are far better I tend to be more open with them because sometimes I wear t-shirts and show my old scars so most people know I have had issues. but over all i would not say anything, although on certain days when the paranoia and funny ideas are at a height I would say it's obvious as I become very agitated and anxious..

I do not share my MDD with anyone. My children and H know, my son's pdoc and T, my pdoc and gen practitioner. That's all. My mom and dad knew because this started when I was in grad school, but now they are gone. My family does not understand. My sons -ages 23, 22 and 18 think I am a lazy, fat slob. My H has given up on me. My 16 yo has inherited my mental illness. I just found out because I sought treatment for him, he is automatically ineligible to enlist in the military, which is his career goal. I cannot bear to tell him. There is no tolerance for mental illness in our society.

My husband is schizo-affective w/depressive disorder for 20 years. His parents do not believe he has a problem, even though he has been hospitalized several times and psychiatrists have told them so. He is on disability and his family thinks he is physically able to work, but is just lazy. That keeps him from telling anyone else about his condition.
My depression is controlled by meds, but most people know b/c I ended up hospitalized after I decided to take my life in '96. At the same time I was anorexic and looked like I was very sick.
Oddly, I found that a few doctors talked to/treated me differently when I told them I'm on anti-depressants. They'd spend so much time trying to determing if my symptoms were psychosomatic. And I rarely ever go to drs for anything. I'll put off going until I absolutely have to. Now I just don't tell them. Thankfully, my primary care doc isn't like that and knows my history.

Well, I just started this therapy with my new life, new friends (old but new as in no one knew about my past before college life), new job, etc.

I self harmed initially in college one time, my roommate found out about it (she walked over to me and literally looked to see what I was doing). I exploded on her. She kind of seemed shocked, so I left. When I came back they were talking about suicide (3 roommates) so I just assumed she was talking about me (which it turns out she wasn't) and I told her some very nasty things...she said she had thought about it and would tell the dorm mother about it, so I just was like whatever. Do you. As we do now, we later talked about it, she explained she was just bluffing because she was frightened I had exploded on her and had never planned to tell, and I apologized for the misunderstanding. We never brought it up again.

I told my best friend about it (shes still my best friend to this day) that initial time, she was there once when I tried NOT to commit suicide (was drunk), and she knows i'm in therapy now. She's very supporting about me doing whats best for me, but we never really talk about those things anymore.

Other bestie does not know about the self harm incident but he knows about my past suicide attempts and I have to say he is THE MOST supportive person EVER. Too bad i can't love him like that because he would be the perfect companion.

My other friends know that I have "moods" and they've learned when to give me space, a listening ear, or a hard cold truth. Only one of them knows that I've started therapy, and she admitted to having seen one a few times at her school.

I told my dad about starting therapy (and how I wanted him to stay out of it - he volunteered to talk to the therapist about my past), he admitted to seeing one for a short time on his own in college as well.

None of my friends/family know the extent of whats been going on with me lately, only the two besties, 2 of my friends and my dad know about therapy and no one knows that I have started self harming (again), but mainly because its personal and I don't want them to worry about me.

So all in all, i've had a pretty good response, but I will say that I am VERY selective of who I let in or call friend and those relationships have taken at the LEAST 5 years to develop. But in that time, I've truly learned how awesome they are in their own ways.

People don't want to hear about it. That includes family.

I don't tell anyone that I have mental health issues.
It's mostly out of fear, and also because I know it's none of their business.

The only people that know of my so called "disorders" are my parents and three very close friends. They are supportive, but I'm not et ready to tell anyone else about it. I know someday I will, but since I'm not working or anything right now I won't have to tell anyone for a while.

I told my parents and my closest friends and they reacted better than expected.
Other than them I didn't tell anyone and I don't think I will tell anytime soon. I'm sure at work they suspect something but they'll just have to label me as the awkward one in the office. Whatever.

I feel like everything was a HUGE mistake letting ANYONE know about anything going on with me. People stopped talking to me...started talking ABOUT me...judgment and rejection is what I got from people. Very little compassion. Not much help. Sometimes I regret even opening up to my Ts about all of it. But I suppose that part was necessary.
I regret ever telling my husband about my ED...I regret a lot. But going forward, I will be VERY careful about telling anyone about any of my issues.

I had the same thing when I stopped covering my arms because I was in recovery so I felt comfortable not hiding my scars. That was my big mistake.

Everyone else already knew... I was the last one to find out so, they were relieved and happy I am finally accepting my illness!