[fshch13]

I just turned 20 and I already feel like I've been through so much that I'm almost an old man in my head. But recently after getting home from studying abroad and losing a relationship that I had with a girl from another country while there, I just feel like I've fallen to ground zero for some reason.

I'm so serious about the future, so confident, so sure of what I want and how I'm going to do it. I will graduate undergrad in 3 semesters and then I'm going to go to law school, but I feel like I've missed out on my youth somewhere along the way.

With my parents, our conversations are always about politics or religion, and almost always fall into an argument. I just can't seem to lighten up; everything's so tense and gloom. I want to go out and make friends and have fun, but I feel like that would "get in the way" of the ambitions. I can't seem to view the idea of dating a girl without thinking about the long-term implications of doing it anymore after my last relationship spiraled out horribly over months, and got so serious so quickly because the girl was using me to basically rebound.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel stuck somewhere between my future and ambitions and my loneliness and desire to have friends and maybe a girlfriend. I seem to analyze and judge everything anymore, and my family has this toxic atmosphere of religious and political conservatism that I can't cope with being around. I've begun to already look at escaping this small town that I live in again, permanently, because it really seems to bring me down a lot and nothing exciting happens. After my study abroad experience and meeting so many people from major cities in the world, I feel cut off from the real world and the life of the world. Every mental health test I take seems to point to the idea of me having several PTSD symptoms, but I don't feel like I really have anything wrong with me per say, I'm just dissatisfied with the idea of losing out now.

What do you all do to keep yourself from becoming too serious? What can I do?

[spondiferous]

Yep. I'm right there with you. So I have no answers because I struggle with this too. My mom always used to tell me I was born a little old lady. It sounds like your family environment has had a lot to do with it, and I don't blame you from the sound of it. There's no way I could breathe in a politically or religiously conservative environment, let alone both. I say it sounds like you've been positively stimulated in the past (being in cities, etc) and so you have an idea of what inspires you and helps you feel more a part of the bigger world. I say go where your heart is. One thing about life is, we only live it once. And as we age for some reason it becomes more and more difficult to just do the things we love; it is not culturally supported to be that way. We are supposed to be MORE serious, MORE responsible, MORE accomplished over time. I am having the opposite experience, minus the seriousness.
I say do what you want. And do it now. We can only live our lives for ourselves. Not for anyone else.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Hi,

Basically I'm you, but the female, 22 year old version.

*sigh* My life went from small town to a big city for university. But somehow, for the first three years of university, I isolated myself by staying in close contact and letting myself be controlled by, this horrible long-distance relationship I was in. I never partied in high school and only went to a couple for the first three years of university... I felt like I missed out on that "wild" phase it seems like people are supposed to go through in their youth. WELL.. I made up for that in 4th year. I went every weekend.. and I'm not going to lie.. it was FUN!!
But the friendships I created when I was just hanging out/partying with people didn't last. I came down with depression during the last part of 4th year.. and people couldn't handle it. I ended up moving home because I couldn't afford to live away. And I was surprised because it's like I was accepted right back into my old community of friends (minus that controlling relationship, got rid of him and I'm never looking back).

Anyways. That was a little tangential than what I meant.

I was like you. I knew what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be. I plan on being a clinical psychologist. My original plan to finish my bachelor honours with specialization on time and head straight into grad school. It was too much. The application process is lengthy and was too much to handle with all my classes in fourth year too. And then depression happened.. and it was just... ugh. Too much stress all at once. While I was trying to recuperate from depression.. I realized I could still take a year off and keep my ambitions and go forward with applying to grad school the following year.

I mean... it's up to you. There's more than one way to success. You don't have to do it so A, B, C, D, E... life has so many twists and turns.. you might as well just go with it

[Gus1234U]

all i can say is: stay in the present, be mindful of what you are feeling now, remembering now, hoping for NOW... watch how it changes, notice if you drop thoughts and feelings that don't fit your view of yourself right now~

study some Mindfulness.

i was old too young, and now i'm young too old ,, what is TOO anyway? BE HERE NOW~!

[LavenderFruitNinja]

I cannot quite relate since my age is 14, but I often feel the same way; perhaps just not to such a violent degree. All my classmates and people my age are very active and enjoying their childhood and growth into being closer to adulthood. They often get together with friends and laugh, and seem to have quite an easy time connecting with others and socializing.

I tend to be a lot more serious, though not really by choice. Plagued by pessimism, I suppose. I feel quite old, and can actually connect more to the conversations of adults about the state of the world than with the dialogues of my classmates, about movies or plans over the weekend. I haven't been through much, except my anxiety and perhaps depression, but I can relate to the feeling of being old and not quite being able to enjoy childhood.

[Max Ra]

..... when I am talking to people at times and I feel the other 'might' disapprove of me .................................

[Perna]

It sounds like instead of living today, you are trying to live in the future. However, your future is made up of what you do today so, yes, studying is very important if you want to get into grad school but making friends and relaxing is too or you will be that much further isolated/in the stress lane when you get to whatever your future turns out to be.

You cannot know the future, you can only want and work toward certain things but you should look at what you are working toward, that is wholly in your control, and make sure it is "balanced". You have experience with a world view so now you might want a small town experience; you have experience with a woman who used you so now you might want a few experiences with other sorts of women, starting a relationship, maintaining it, ending it with class, etc. You may want to back off how fast you finish school, learn to work and rest together rather than just learn a "go-go-go" mentality?

Everything we do we are learning; it is not just in school but in what habits we pick up and what we pursue and how we pursue it. I would pursue friendship and laughter too, not just law school.