No confidence whatsoever...

First off, mods, if you feel this could be placed in a better forum feel free to move it. I just wasn't sure where to put it, so I put it here.

In the interest of making this post TLDNR, I will keep it as short and to the point as I can. Then, any of you who are interested in the details or have any suggestions can reply with their question or reach out to me via pm or e-mail.

I am a 29-year-old Active Duty Army veteran and I'm currently serving in the Reserves. I have 4 children, a beautiful wife, and a spoiled rotten dog. I have an IQ of 146 that most people would give their left arm for. I have deployed 3 times to Iraq, served as a U.S. Border Patrol Agent, and worked as a subcontractor for Apple Computers doing tech support. As you can see, I have been around the block a few times and I have seen first hand things that many people only DREAM about doing. Between my above average IQ and my experiences that are well beyond my years, I should be the most knowledgeable and confident person I know.

Why, then, do I not feel like it? In fact, I feel the exact opposite. I am envious of other men who seem to exude confidence. I am timid and shy and, as a result, my life is not nearly what I want it to be.

Aside from my Reserve commitment, I am unemployed. I have had very few interviews after sending out numerous resumes, and I just can't seem to land a job. I am almost certain that this is due to my apparent lack of self-confidence (I swear it's as if people can smell it from a mile away). It's as if I walk into a room and all eyes are on me saying, "Look at this loser!"

I have never had even a modicum of self-confidence or self-esteem. I am humble to a fault. I constantly have this tiny voice inside of me saying, "You'll never be the best at anything, so don't bother." My lack of confidence in my own abilities has led to a general fear of being successful. I am terrified that I am not good enough and when the spotlight and all eyes are on me, I will fail. So, I try to fade into the background and not bring any attention to myself.

Because I am unemployed, my wife and I are not having sex. We have had some relationship issues, but the bottom line is that my wife needs a man who is successful... A dominant Alpha male. Being unemployed and generally a weenie in all aspects of my life does not project that image in the least bit, and so my marriage is in shambles as well.

I have been extremely conflicted my entire life. I want more out of life. however, it also seems as though I suffer from an overabundance of apathy. I shy away from leadership positions and I self-sabotage and squander golden opportunities that have been given to me.

How do I turn my life around, gain confidence, and stop leading such a meaningless existence?

Is the VA offering you any assistance? You should definitely look into it, I'm sure you know this...but most of the time YOU have to do the legwork...the VA isn't very vocal at announcing services it offers Vets.

I'm sure that the VA could help. If not, I have also just recently been approved for state medical assistance due to my low income. I just feel like this is something I should be able to just... do. I shouldn't have to worry about going to see someone to help me feel better about myself. Maybe I am beginning to realize that I might need to talk to someone about it, which is perhaps why I have posted on here...?

There is no shame in needing help from other people. Even for something that you "think" you should be able to handle on your own.

Read your post. Just a hug from me. Don't doubt yourself. You've done so much and you will, again. Be a friend to yourself. Listen, listen hard, and empathise. Talk again