[eskielover]

So many things have been going on lately, it's hard to even know where to begin. The stress of dealing with the medical & hospital records I got on my Mother have definitely cleared up many things, only it didn't make her look any better than what I was already thinking.....it only has reinforced the feelings I was having. I am still trying to put all the pieces together from what was happening in the records & what was happening in real life. My psychologist suggested that the hospital may have an ethics board that I can take the information to & discuss the situation with them. This could help them realize the mistakes that were made & help them improve the way they handle situations like the one I was in.

I found out that the person who claimed to be a licensed RN wasn't licensed & I am sure that the hospital will tell me that she wasn't employed by them either. The whole thing was based on fraud. I found a person to talk to about the fraud & placed a call to them the other day. I was asleep when they returned my call, so I need to return their call. The lady had been on our local TV station the other day, so I am hoping that it might be possible to get the situation I went through publicized so that it might save others from a trauma like I experienced.

I have not been able to put the situation behind me....maybe because I feel a need to let people know about what can happen to elderly people who are dying & that is can happen to them. I haven't been able to control the anxiety attacks I have been having since it happened 1 1/2 years ago. The worst part is that the fall weather is bring back the feelings & memories of the whole thing. Why the cool wind, russle or leaves & fall smells can cause the flashbacks is frustrating, but something I can't seem to control.

However good is happening without any help from me. I had my Mothers home put up for sale with a great real estate agent when I didn't like the change of offer the person gave me on the "as is" home. Well, he put on the market last weekend. He said that he was planning on getting several offers & having them possible pushing the selling price over the asking price. Then he planned on having the offers presented to me later this week. I told myself that I wasn't going to hold my breath.....nothing ever goes as smoothly as people think. Well, he got a full price offer, & possibly another full price offer too. Wow, within 2 days, hopefully everything will go well.

The real estate agent that is listing the house is being photographed for a TV show & wanted to use our house sale as the basis for the show. I agreed, but for some reason, I have a huge fear of it being shown publicly. They want to add my being given the offer as part of the show too. For some reason, it is causing a huge amount of fear & I don't exactly know why, but some irrational thinking is putting something strange happening into what will happen. I know I am my own worst enemy with my thoughts......but Thursday is when they are going to video the offer being given to me. It's hard enough doing things privetly without loosing it, but I don't know what is going to keep me from falling apart.

The good news is that I will now have enough money to finish the payments on my home while putting it up for sale & also purchasing my farm in Kentucky (which is going to take quite some time to figure out). I am going through thinking that I want to build my new home & now purchase an already built one. They just don't seem to have big enough homes for all the stuff I have. Starting to look for a farm or property is exciting, but also scarry. I don't want to make any mistakes at this point in my life....I can't afford to. Once I get myself settled in Kentucky, & move my dogs & all our stuff there, then I can get our home ready for sale. That will be a great relief. Good thing do happen in their time.

It just seems like there are so many things to do along the path to get from point A to point B, that I am sure I will probably mess something especially when the anxiety attacks get in there to mess up my thinking.

I had fun with my filly's 2nd birthday. I took some grated carrots & mixed them with molasses. Put them on a plate like a little cake with 2 candles in them. After taking the candles out, she ate the carrots off of the plate......it was so cute.....then she gave me a molasses kiss after that. She is a gorgeous filly & wonder how big she is going to be when she finally stops growing. She is already 17+ hands high.....already bigger than her Mommy.

I am also enjoying my new puppy. He is already 5 months old & quite a character. He was an oops breeding & I made sure that Destiny was spayed after this litter....she is too old for any more litters. This litter had 3 puppies & I was really lucky. My psychologist had a patient that wanted a female puppy & she got first choice. My psychologist was wanting a puppy, but his wife was seriously against it. Well, she was on vacation & he decided to take one of the boy puppies home. The 2 that were left had one quiet one, & one that loved to bark.......well, I knew that the only way the puppy would be accepted would be the quite one. He took the puppy home & by the time his wife returned, the puppy was settled in. Initially his wife was not very happy, but he soon grew on her & she loved him & enjoys being with him too. He is a great therapy puppy & hangs out in his home office.

Well, I had to keep the last one......after all, it is the last puppy litter Destiny is going to have & I just couldn't not keep the one puppy that was left. Besides, he was such a character, it would be hard to find a home for him anyway.....such was my logic. He liked to push the kibble around the bathroom floor with his nose, so his beginning name bacame Dozer (short for bulldozer). As they grew, I ended up dropping things in the bathroom & it seemed like it always landed on his head. He would end up diving for under the counter, then he would scurry on his belly & dive for under another counter. When he started doing that, it looked like the belly crawl that they do in the military, so I started calling him GI Jo Jo. That ended up as GI Jo Jo Dozer & many other combinations until I finally came up with JoGI (Jogee). When I pick him up, he has hugs for me.....wrapping his front paws around my neck & he back paws around my waste. He sleeps on my bed with me, curled up by my tummy for hours. He leaves long enough to go to the bathroom & ends up right back next to me. He also loves to lay on his back with his legs up in the air next to me laying on my back. I think that his daddy gave him alot of his guardian angel genes...& since the other name I have for Leo is Boo, I guess he gave JoGI his "Boo genes". I have to admit that my eskies have given me so much love & caring that they have helped me deal with alot of the time I am having the anxiety attacks.

I will have to put some photos of him on the site when I get a chance. It seems like I have so much going on in my life right now that I can't keep much of anything straight.

To help things also, my Pdoc got my husband infolved in his clinical trial for adult ADD. He put all the things I have been having problems with my husband together & thought that adult ADD might be the problem. He has been on the trial for the last 2 weeks & will see if anything changes (whether he is on the actual med of the plecebo is also a possibility). The other issue is even if the meds help, he is going to need help to learn how to deal with the reality of life once the meds allow him to be in a state for that.

I try to visit here once in a while.....to see how you all are doing, but it seems like it is getting harder & harder to find time. I know you all are dealing with your own set of issues....& hope that you will be doing ok. I know that this time of year is hard for me, with the holidays being at the anniversary time of the trauma. It seems like this is a hard time for most people, so my best wishes are with you all,

Debbie

[JustAPixie]

(((((((((((( Debbie )))))))))))

I'm glad your cloud has a silver lining... Could luck with the whole public presenting thing!!!!!!! Will we be able to see you on TV?