[tealBumblebee]

{Not sure if this is the right area to post this but...}

So, I know that its not necessarily the healthiest course of actions, but I self efface and I, honestly, prefer it that way. Problem is, tomorrow we are having a big "intimate" family dinner (like 20 little ones, all of their parents, many of the grand parents, etc.) and they are a very loud (but friendly) group of people. The problem is, it will be an hour and a half away from home and I won't be able to escape when I get tired/bored/grumpy.

I was counting on my new phone to get here today and "setting it up" to be my distraction (i've never had a "fancy" phone so plenty to learn), but now I will have nothing to distract me (lost my old phone). I plan to take a book, but I always get the "what are you reading, what's it about" questions, not to mention it can come off a little antisocial. My family likes to know how everything and everyone is, they want to play games, have a talent show and a modeling show (which they recruited me for and I couldn't say no and be polite).

Don't get me wrong, its all great stuff and a lot of fun but after a few hours sometimes I just shut down and don't have anything left to say to anyone and then it gets awkward because i'm smiling and trying to keep up appearances but it just stresses me out on the inside. Thats when I turn to my phone .... that I don't have.

Do you have any tips on how I can self efface in this helpless situation?

Self effacing means modest, unassuming, not liking to draw attention etc. Is that what you're talking about? Okay, reading a book at a party is probably not a good way to blend in and not attract attention Neither is looking at your phone.
Best suggestions I can come up with are always look like you're talking to someone... blend in. If it gets to be too much, move on. Maybe entertain the little ones a bit. There's always a lot of trash and paper etc at a party... volunteer to take it out Ask people what's going on in their lives. People love that. It's nice if you at least pretend to listen to the answers lol. Could even be interesting.
Good luck... I understand

[tealBumblebee]

I didn't realize it would cause me to draw more attention to myself by doing those things (perhaps why they don't often work). I guess its one of those, as long as I don't see you you don't see me kind of theories haha.

I will give being engaged a shot; I do actually love hearing their answers, hate giving answers about myself though. (I get a lot of "why are you still single? Got a bf yet? Why not you're so pretty? What are you dong now? Where do you work? What do you do there? Are you back in school?").

Thanks for all the tips, playing with the kids and tidying up definitely wouldn't be out of character for me as I naturally do that to get away from people lol.

Mission for the day: blend in.

[A Red Panda]

I allllways go the route of hiding in plain sight. It is SO much more effective than trying to be a wallflower.

Volunteer to do the dishes and things like that - everyone will love you for it, and it gets you slightly out of the way.

I'm also big on finding a heated conversation that others are having, and then standing/sitting with them and listening and just not really volunteering much else. So you're with people, engaged in a conversation, so others won't draw you out of it (for the most part) and chances are the people going at it will not notice that you're only rarely adding in anything.

Also... distraction via asking them questions is always useful.

"So, do you have a boyfriend yet?"
"No, I had a few interested, but I didn't like them very much.... so how's hockey been lately?" (Key is to answer, and then provide a topic change via asking them a question about their own... and a little bit of lying is ok when it comes to getting them off your back!)

"Why are you still single?"
"Oh, you know how it goes....I'm trying to not dwell on it. Say, how's your kid doing at school these days?"

And I find answering questiosn about work and school are pretty easy and simple things to just give them. They're family, they will ask. Doesn't mean you have to tell them a whole lot, but it's usually easier to tell them something more substantial than "it's good" so that they'll feel satisfied and stop asking more.

[MotownJohnny]

The kids - do you like kids? Maybe you could volunteer to help some of the moms supervise the younger children.

[tealBumblebee]

Thanks for all your advice - I kept it in mind! It actually worked out very nicely I ended up just backing out of the modeling thing and it didn't upset my mom (60% chance it would have) but she said it wasn't well put together anyway ;] And the way the tables were set up I was able to sit with the family that I see daily (mom, 2 aunts, uncle, 2 little cousins) so I was able to stay comfortable/at ease. Not to mention one of the kiddies was sick and needed all of our hands on with him and the rest of the time we just had fun playing games with the camera thing on the other kiddies new leappad. Never even took a book out Thanks guys!

[A Red Panda]

I'm glad to hear it went really well teal!