[tinyrabbit]

I have always had a habit of daydreaming and making up imaginary lives for myself. Sometimes it gets out of hand. This is one of those times. Due to various things going on in my life, and things from the past that are on my mind, my eating issues have got worse and my daydreaming habit has also got worse. I guess I just feel like I want to talk to someone, anyone, who understands and doesn't think I'm a freak. (My T says I'm not a freak, but he's on vacation this week.)

When I was a kid, I used to invent imaginary lives for myself. I did quite a lot of research in various ways as my rule was that they had to be 'accurate'. Doing the research was always the most satisfying part: once it was done, I could theoretically relax and get on with imagining the world I'd created, but instead I'd scrap it all and start again.

Recently I read a novel called The Panopticon by Jenni Fagan. The main character does something she calls 'the birthday game' and it's exactly the same thing I do: pick a birthday, build a life around it. I bought the book on Kindle and showed my T some sections as a way of explaining this whole thing to him.

My T has helped me recognise that my fantasies often contain information about how I'm feeling about my actual life. I told him I used to imagine being a girl whose mother had died and he said that's not surprising "because sometimes we think we've had a mother but we haven't really".

Since I started acknowledging CSA by my dad, I keep making up alternative lives where the CSA still happened, but it was someone else: a teacher, an uncle, a brother, a sports coach, a step-parent (not that I have those), anyone except my dad. I don't know why I don't just imagine a life without CSA. I feel like a freak.

I've also been fantasising a lot about having a sister, and I don't know if that's because I wish someone shared my pain and I wasn't alone. I don't know. I just know I'm spending too much time in my imaginary world and not getting enough done in the real one. It's a coping mechanism and it will get better in time, but I just feel like such a freak because I can't just concentrate on being me.

[A Red Panda]

I daydream a lot to, and make up fake lives. Except mine are never, ever, grounded in a real setting - right into full out fantasy and science fiction I go. I find it easier to get back out of it.

I'd take a guess that maybe you imagine yourself in different CSA scenarios because they feel like less of a betrayal than the abuse from your father feels. Parents are SUPPOSED to be out ultimate protectors, and your father failed at that so badly. You totally aren't a freak for daydreaming like that. It probably would also help in processing what happened when you can make the situation a bit less personal by having someone else as the abuser - it lets you take a tiny step backwards to look at it.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

You totally aren't a freak for daydreaming like that. It probably would also help in processing what happened when you can make the situation a bit less personal by having someone else as the abuser - it lets you take a tiny step backwards to look at it.

Thank you for saying I'm not a freak, I really needed to hear that. And thank you for pointing out that it allows me to start processing or looking at it. I hadn't thought of it like that before. Thinking about it feels like jumping in a fire and this is a way of turning the fire down.

[Poppy Princess]

Yeah, I daydream too much too :/

[gayleggg]

Me, too, in the past. It was getting so bad I could have a conversation with someone else that I would drift off into dream land. My husband used to say "Earth to Gayle" when he saw I had drifted off. I finally, decided I needed to quit since I was wasting part of my life. So, I did a stop mantra. Every time i would catch myself going into dream land I would say stop, I continued this until I finally stoped. I was not easy since use it put me to sleep. but I finally won. it is like anything compulsive, when it enterfers with you day to day life, you will seek a solution. Good luck to you.

Needless to say I don't think you are a freak. You will find alot people here on PC that have the same problem.

[MoxieDoxie]

Sucker Punch

When I saw this movie for the first time......I jumped off the couch in excitement because it is exactly what I do! I go right into fantasy land to escape and avoid.

[prideandprozac]

Me too, but with me, I'll lay there re-imagining the same scene until I get every detail right---dialogue, characters, facial expressions, motives. Yeah, it's hard to even get anywhere in my little daydream/fantasy lol

i'll post what i posted in another thread a few days ago

i used to create this soap opera where the people in it would do, and be the people who i wish i was- but don't really anymore... well, sometimes i guess- but not too much.

not sure it's ever clashed with reality though.. though i have said things like (if i'm in a situation) what would such and such from my soap opera do...

[tinyrabbit]

Thanks for all your responses. Moxie I've recorded Sucker Punch, I need to watch it!

[spondiferous]

I used to spend all my time in various realities. The only people who had a problem with it were my parents, and even then not all the time. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with fantasizing or having a healthy imagination (that's how I think of it). This world sucks enough as it is sometimes. Why take away one of the few things we have control of?

[avlady]

Daydream OnYOU"RE ok