[Ohlostme]

Had an altercation at the grocery store. Some woman had finished paying for her groceries and didn't move out of the checkout line while they were being put into the cart for her. I was behind her. She'd had tons of stuff as it was, and my back was killing me (it's strained. I had just come from the acupuncturist). The checker was ringing up my stuff (I didn't have much) and I was going to pay with my ATM. I couldn't get to the machine to run it through because she was still in the way. I said "Excuse me." She told me that the girl hadn't finished packing her stuff into her cart. Like that gave her the right to stand there, blocking everyone else from getting their transaction done.

I must tell you, I don't "do" rudeness well. To me, that was just rude. All she had to do was move around to the side of her cart and I could have pushed mine through and reached the machine (there was a line behind me waiting, too). My blood started to boil. Just before she started walking away, I mumbled under my breath, "If you'd move your fat ***, we could all get out of here." (She wasn't fat all over, but she had an enormous ***. It filled the whole aisle) She turned around and said, very confrontationally, "What did you say?" I asked her what part of that she didn't understand. She started yelling at me, poking her finger in my face and cursing me - not swear words. She was saying that my behavior would come back on me a thousand times, and that sort of thing. I told her "same to you." She walked away.

As I was finishing my transaction, she came back, yelling some more (and pointing her finger in my face) that I had hurt someone today (her, presumably) and I had to live with it. I just said the same thing back to her, pointing my finger (just copying her behavior. By this time I was tired of her venting).

All the way home I was pissed. This woman chose to get upset about what was said (many people would have just written it off or said something rude to me), and made me a scapegoat. She acted like she was a poor, innocent victim, all the while she was reining curses on me. This broad was no sweet, innocent person that this big, bad monster insulted. Quite the opposite!

It's California, I swear. People are so obnoxious here.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - While I am sorry with what happened to you today I still must be honest and say that...... You both were wrong in your actions, but that I too can understand the stress and hurt from both sides.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

are you familiar with the serenity prayer?

grant me the
serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change

courage
to change the
things I can

and the
wisdom
to know the difference.

[(JD)]

I'm sorry you were too ill to be shopping, it's tough to do what needs to be done when not feeling up to it.

I'm not sure you were scapegoated. I think your pain must have caused you to take personal offense at the woman's need to have her groceries bagged?

It's unfortunate that you felt calling her names was an acceptable response to her being there. She was in front of you, and therefore, imo, rightfully being served first. Learning to wait in line was something I learned in kindergarten.
(Actually at home first, I am from a big family )

I hope you will be able to work on your anger with your T. Pain makes it a short distance between being able to cope with a situation, and striking out at strangers.

[arod13]

ohlostme- not that it makes it right i probably would have done the same thing or i would have wound up pushing my way through to get to the machine

[ozzie]

It sounds to me like you do rudeness very well. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I would not have liked it for someone to tell me to move my fat self out of their way.

Maybe it would work well to get your money from the atm before getting in line at the checkout. Just an idea to save you some problems.

Im with everyone else in this thread though it was a bad situation and I am sorry you were in that situation of the woman yelling at you but regardless of how slow someone is in a grocery store it is concidered rude and inappropiate for other consumers to be calling the person ahead of them fat. Maybe that person had an eating disorder and part of her treatment plan was standing up for herself and not allowing people to call her fat. regardless of what part of her body others think is fat and how slow a person is it doesn't give others the right to instigate a fight by telling someone if they had only moved their fat ***. What if the person behind you had been just as impatient and said under his or her breath but yet loud enough for you to hear- well if you would only move that crippled arm faster.. you would not have liked it because that person would be subjecting you to a derogatory and rude comment about your own body and the fact that you could not move any faster at that moment.

Bad situation yes but in my opinion she was well in her rights to defend herself against the rude comment about her body just like you would be in your rights to defend yourself against rude and inappropiate comments about your body.

[Ohlostme]

“I think your pain must have caused you to take personal offense at the woman's need to have her groceries bagged?”

I didn’t take offense at her “need to have her groceries bagged.” I took offense at her need to block the checkout line aisle while doing it. When I am at the checkout stand at the grocery store, and I get my receipt back from the checker, I automatically step out of the line, around to my cart where the bagger is bagging things, so I’m OUT OF THE WAY. Why should a whole line of other people be held up because of me? I’m actually aware that there are other people in the store who might like to get their transaction done, too. Why is that much courtesy impossible for others?

“…regardless of what part of her body others think is fat and how slow a person is it doesn't give others the right to instigate a fight by telling someone if they had only moved their fat ***.”

I didn’t instigate a fight. I made a comment that she chose to take offense at. If a fight ensued, it was her choice to start it. Her reaction to my comment motivated her verbal attack on me. I said one very accurate sentence. She chose to make an issue of it, going into a tirade. WAAAY overreacting.

“What if the person behind you had been just as impatient…”

He was, actually. He looked like he had back problems, too. He was hanging onto things, squatting down, etc., like he was in pain. I recognize the behavior, having back problems myself. We both wanted to get out of there.

“.. you would not have liked it because that person would be subjecting you to a derogatory and rude comment about your own body and the fact that you could not move any faster at that moment.”

Ah, but she could have moved. She chose not to. It’s the California mentality – they’ve all got entitlement problems here. She felt entitled to block the aisle with her fat ***, even though she had a very simple and logical choice of stepping aside, next to her cart, while the bagger bagged her stuff, so that a long line of people didn’t have to be held up by her. I always think that kind of rudeness results from lack of personal power. If she feels powerless, and holding up a whole line of people makes her feel like she has power, then she doesn’t care how rude she is, she’ll do it.

I will admit to being rude, making a comment about her fat ***. But I am NOT wrong to think that she should have taken the one lousy step that would have gotten her fat *** out of the way, so that other people could do their transactions. I do. Why can’t she?

[SeptemberMorn]

It sounds like no one has told you yet that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. You could have risen to the occasion and asked her POLITELY to allow you to reach the machine. Chances are, she probably would have moved.

[mrpieeater]

I also think that your main flaw was in the nature of the comment you made. If you had rationaly explained, i.e: 'excuse me but you're blocking the aisle, others need to get their groceries through too', there may have been no confrontation, thus improving things all round. You complain of her rudeness, but what you did could be conceived as of being even ruder!

I do think it's good you stood up for yourself though, just try to keep it cool!

'excuse me could i please just get through to the ATM?'

'thanks!'

[Bethsway]

For standing up for yourself Hurray!!
But for the rude remark you made...well..could have been put to her in a nicer way...like maybe I really can't reach the machine...please move just a bit more...something like that...really, you didn't expect her to answer you after that remark? I think you really know who started the argument...lol

[AlteredState01]

Scapegoated? Don't you mean victimized? NOT that I think YOU are the victim here. You were the instigator. Isn't it a ***** when you can't get the whole world (or just the stranger in front of you) to do what you would do?

I know I have big problems with that one, too. Especially in line-ups (that seems to be one place I always get anxiety attacks)!

I rock back and forth, shifting my weight from one leg to the other, and dissociate until it is my turn, otherwise, I'd have a black eye every time I went shopping.

I could ***** like you did, but it just makes me *****ier, and *****ier is not good for me. It just makes me do even more embarrassing things. See where I'm going with this?

AS

at the first of the post it was stated that the poster couldn't get to the "machine" to RUN her card through. she was trying to pay for her groceries, not get money from an ATM machine. just to clear that up.

i must tell you that your blowing off of saying "if you would move your fat ***" is ludicrous and childish. and you defend your right to say that. NO ONE has the right to call people anything just because you don't get your way. i sure hope you didn't have any children with you. if i had been there with my granddaughters, i would have moved to another line to spare them the spectacle.

i've been to the store when i couldn't hardly stand up and i haven't started a fight in the checkout line yet.

standing up for yourself? you started it. it's called "because nice matters"........ ......nice does matter and this situation surely wasn't nice. in any form or fashion.

again, i suggest you study the serenity prayer. and also start thinking about how you can take into consideration that others live in your world.

if you lived in Colorado and someone had done this in line ahead of you, how would you have responded?

[SeptemberMorn]

Ummm... I THINK SHE'S GOT IT ALREADY! IMO, we've all made our point. Enough is enough, ok?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It sounds like no one has told you yet that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This goes for the rest of us, too!

[(JD)]

Well, I'm not so sure. However, the use of the term scapegoat does not apply to our member here, imo, but to the woman in front, as she was selected to receive the blame for who knows what Ohlostme is going through.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Main Entry: 1scape·goat
Pronunciation: 'skAp-"gOt
Function: noun
Etymology: 1scape; intended as translation of Hebrew 'azAzEl (probably name of a demon), as if 'Ez 'OzEl goat that departs--Leviticus 16:8(Authorized Version)
1 : a goat upon whose head are symbolically placed the sins of the people after which he is sent into the wilderness in the biblical ceremony for Yom Kippur
2 a : one that bears the blame for others[b] b : one that is the object of irrational hostility

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

IMO, HER anger was not irrational, she had been verbally assaulted, imo. Our member ((((ohlostme))) is the one who displayed irrationality, imo.

[Perna]

Yes, I agree with you she should have moved and it was not unreasonable of you to say "excuse me?" and expect that. But no one had "taught" her to move out of other people's way (like your mother and my stepmother taught us) and doesn't sound like she had a lot of common sense to pick up on how her behavior was impacting anyone else's or, she just didn't care.

However, theoretically it was still her turn since her groceries were still being "processed" so, that there was a problem I would blame on the store. Not having enough clerks or clerks working at differing speeds and providing a "comfortable" checkout situation is their problem and under their control. The customer is never wrong. You're the right size it's the pants that don't fit.

The bottom line is you came to the store to buy groceries, not to be forced to interact with other customers well, ill or in any other manner.

[seeker1950]

Just recently I've been in some in-store lines ( I live in rural WV). At the Post Office, I was on my half-hour lunch break, waiting in line, and an elderly lady in front of the line did her business, but continued to stand and talk about her problems to the postmaster. Luckliy, another postmaster came forward to the second register. I was annoyed, but I also have compassion, and realize how this elderly lady was feeling, probably the big outing of her day to the P.O.
Then, I went to the Rite Aid drug store this past weekend to pick up a few small items. None of the registers were open, and the employee at the front register shouted at us customers..." I can't check you out right now; you'll have to go back to the pharmacy." I was annoyed, but walked back to the pharmacy where several people were already waiting in line behind an elderly man getting his prescriptions. The pharmacist finally got all his meds processed, to which the man responded he didn't have any money.. I am standing there and listening to his sob story about the cost of meds. ( I think he managed to get his insulin which was paid for already.) The line never moved the whole time I was standing there for at least 10 minutes, so I finally went back to the front register, feeling annoyed at the store for putting customers in this position. ( I felt very sorry for the elderly gentleman, by the way, and know we could all be in such a position sooner or later.)
Standing in line...it ain't fun, but we all gotta live with it.
Patty

[seeker1950]

I have to add this one...It's the worst "in-line" story of all, and it's my elderly mother! She's 80, and going to KMart for her prescriptions, she bought a whole bunch of other stuff, then got her prescriptions filled, placed all the other stuff on the pharmacy counter for checkout....Seeing that there were others waiting in line, I said to her, "Mom, you can go to the other checkout with all this stuff...." to which she replied..."SHE can do it!" meaning the pharmacist. Then, when her bill was paid, she stood there and balanced her checkbook!. making all the people in line wait even more. (I hate to think how Ohio would have reacted to this! LOL!)
Patty

great one, Patty!!!!!

[(JD)]

Still thinking about this? I'm disabled. I don't look it. I can't move as fast as everyone might want me to. I see most ppl grab their purchase, grab their purse and grab the change and begin walking out of the store. I can't do that...how can I do that? Those ppl might be able to juggle all that into one hand and open their purse and put their change away and get their keys out all while hiking to the car. I can't. I have to wait, put my receipt, card and or change away, get out my keys and take my purchase. Don't be rude by trying to push me out when it's quite acceptable to get ready to leave the store. Sorry about that. If you yell at me I might smile at your ignorance. If you cuss at me, it might upset me so much I have to take longer to collect my thoughts and begin again.

[Rapunzel]

Whew, it got a little hot in here (and I'm always cold, so that's saying something). I have discussed this thread with others on the administration team. We want members to be able to say what they feel they need to, and sometimes we disagree with each other. We just need to consider the possible effects of our words and actions on others. That goes all around - a little thought before either opening your mouth or pressing the submit button goes a long way. Just keep it respectful. It seems to have calmed down in here - let's all do our part to keep it that way. Supportive, respectful responses.

Thanks!
Rapunzel

[Rapunzel]

Just to clarify, I didn't mean to single anyone out. That post was to everyone.

Rap

[JustAPixie]

Could it be that both you and the women infromt of you both have issues, you were in a hurry, maybe she was already annoyed about something etc. There are so many things that have an affect on a situation. Maybe she just couldn't keep it in and you were the last of it and she lost it, finding a reason to vent her own pain, blaming you for not only being rude, but for other things in her life. Sometimes people just lose it, I know I have, and I have felt so bad afterwards... maybe she got home and realised what she had done and felt remorse, maybe not. What she did was not right, but refrain from judging her if you don't know her situation. She could have heard some bad news that day that she hasn't processed yet.. anything.

I don't think she meant to hurt you as such, but you were the available "scapegoat". Maybe she went home, felt better and because she yelled at you she didn't need to yell at her family... maybe you did a good thing...

[AlteredState01]

Now this is how we need to behave like - normal people. Normal people get irrate, PD people FREAK OUT!

We cannot forget what being "in public" means. If normal people can do it, so can we. We just have to be that much more aware. That, or take another pill to help keep calm.

AS