Did your parents tell you that you were smarter than you actually were and how did this affect you?

[MotownJohnny]

Alas, the opposite, dear old dad called me worthless scum. 40 years later, I get the positive encouragement I needed then from my PT.

[ToeJam]

No.

Though at school I had the same kind of treatment as Motown. Ended up going to University regardless so stuff them.

It took me along time to trust people who said I actually was intelligent as I felt it was just a set up for further bullying.

[dumburn]

definitely not, I remember being maybe 14/15 and trying to talk about university and possible careers with my father he said "People like YOU don't go to university, they'd never accept a dumb**** like you anyway, people like you are locked away to keep everyone else safe and happy"

I think that's the point I pretty much gave up trying to impress him or do well for myself.
Self fulfilling prophecy at it finest!

[Webgoji]

To an extent actually.

My parents told me I was very smart. My grade school teachers told me I was very smart. My high school teachers and classmates told me I was very smart. And heck, I had the proof; 3.98 GPA, 132 IQ, 36 ACT Score. I was ready to go on and ...

... wait ... how come I can't work through this ..? you mean ..?

All that meant completely ZIP. After it's all said and done, I'm pretty much a complete failure (again with proof). Because in the "real" world, being smart doesn't mean Jack. Because in the "real" world, being correct doesn't mean Jack.

Long story short, while many people blame their past for holding them back, my truth is that my upbringing didn't have anything to do with my failure as person. The world is far more complex than being smart or working hard or being a good person will amount to.

[almakic88]

Originally Posted by dumburn

definitely not, I remember being maybe 14/15 and trying to talk about university and possible careers with my father he said "People like YOU don't go to university, they'd never accept a dumb**** like you anyway, people like you are locked away to keep everyone else safe and happy"

I think that's the point I pretty much gave up trying to impress him or do well for myself.
Self fulfilling prophecy at it finest!

I'm so sorry dumburn. I know how hurtful that can be because my folks said the same thing to my older brother when he was that age. You are not a dumbass. You can do anything you set your mind on. Don't listen to what your father said because he was likely projecting his own failures onto you.

[Arwen_78]

My teachers said I could be if I applied myself, which never happened. Don't know if I found anything that I could feel like applying myself too.

My mom on the other hand pushed for me to go to college but made me feel like I was too stupid to even graduate from high school

[eskielover]

No one in my family ever went to college.....I pushed myself because growing up...in the schools at least in California in the 60's....we were encouraged to go to college & be anything we wanted to be if we applied ourself...& applying myself was one thing I was good at. I wasn't an outstanding student even though I had my share of 4.0 semesters....I also had my share of struggling with chemistry & calculus.....but could do almost anything else I was interested in.....so I went for it even though my parents had no idea how to encourage me to succeed at anything....they also didn't discourage....so I guess the "no harm" was a good solution.....they let me excell or fail given my own drive which had always been outstanding.

On the other note....I met a guy in college who bragged about his high IQ & his outstanding GPA in HighSchool while he failed miserably in college because he thought himself smarter than most of the professors so refused to apply himself to the classes he didn't care about.....sadly, it was the attitude he had about everything in his life...not just his college work......had absolutely NO COMMON SENSE.....things I saw before I got married that were red flags while my mother suggested that he would mature as he got older.....never did.....as I was leaving him...he was still claiming that he was a failure as an engineer because of the university he went to.....the same one that his younger brother graduated from with honors & became an associate director of a power company.......Both had equal intelligence.....however one had the desire to apply himself & work for everything while the other wanted everything handed to him on a silver platter & didn't want to work for anything....sadly, I chose the looser who never did grow up & learn how to be responsible financially or otherwise. It was definitely interesting to observe the 2 different personalities coming from the same home & same upbringing......not sure what really makes the internal values that drive success vs failure....but it's definitely interesting to observe.

[shezbut]

My mom used to always tell me that I was so smart, so pretty, so blah blah blah.

In school however (primary schools), I was basically told the opposite. I struggled in class ~ retrospectively, I can see that was due to social stress & anxiety. Boys always teased me for being ugly and skinny. Girls were always snooty and snide with me. A very horrible experience for me!

nope, they sure didn'tr

as far as they are concerned, i don't exist.

so...

[anna_goth27]

Not really. My mom would often point out my weaknesses. When I was in high school she would compare my grades to my friends' (who are mega smart. One of them was Valedictorian). So obviously I never miss and grew up thinking I was smart when I wasnt. I think academically I was pretty smart. I am sure that if I had applied myself I wouldve done ten times better in school.

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[gayleggg]

No they never really said either way, but I could always tell my dad was disappointed in my grades. And I knew by second grade that I was a slow reader, so I felt stupid. But it wasn't discussed.

It wasn't until I showed a talent in art as an adult that they finally said "Wow, where was this all these years. (Hidden in fear of judgememnt)

[SeekerOfLife]

I had a previous therapist that told me three times on three different occasions that I was "highly intelligent". At first, I wanted to laugh because I thought he was trying to get me to believe in myself. Later, I thought perhaps he was just saying it because he thought he should. And later, he was re-emphasizing it.
I know I am not smart. I am regularly told I have no sense....told I am retarded. And experiences through the years only emphasize that some people are smart, and some are not. It actually made me feel worse to get false praise, than no praise.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Did your parents tell you that you were smarter than you actually were and how did this affect you?

No, but my teachers did. The main effect was that it freed up a lot of time I would have otherwise spent studying.

[IowaFarmGal]

My parents didn't believe in praise. They were very good at criticizing when they weren't ignorring me. I'm supposed to be smart according to tests but I never thought so and my brothers told me I was dumb.

[avlady]

i was the poor girl in the rich girls all girl school, i had to hide my face in shame sometimes as i felt unworthy to be with them. today that type of stuff doesn't bother me and don't even know why it bothered me now that i'm older i am a little glad i had that experience as it was a learning one. i love to learn and that is a life's lessoned learned well.

[spondiferous]

I always got really good grades but I never really heard anything about it from my parents. What they would apparently do instead is lord it over my younger sister in such a way to shame her for her own academic performance.

[nicoleflynn]

No, my mother was struggling to be a single parent and had no time to worry about how smart or not smart I was. I was a C student and really didn't care. I loved dancing, singing, writing, poetry, etc. However, at age 60 I went back to school because I wrote about my life and won a scholarship; amazed myself! Now am a Sophomore at 67.

[choocha]

My dad (mainly) thought I was, and still does think I'm smarter than I am. I hated disappointing him and had recurring nightmares about being in a race that I couldn't ever get to the finish line of. Metaphor for him pushing me to achieve unattainable goals and never being good enough etc. He would be snooty with me when I brought home straight A's instead of straight A+'s. He is so convinced that I'm a super-mind that I still question whether I really am dumbing myself down to fit in with the masses. I'm still unsure. Very troubling and confusing. Especially considering I never finished uni and have a very menial low-paying job now.

[blueparakeet]

My parents told me that and still do, which I think is why I feel like such a failure now. So did my teachers for the most part, except one which I'll explain. I can't finish school because of my MI and I think my friends think I'm dumb because I had to drop classes or skip so many semesters in college. I didn't really apply myself before college and when I got to college I had plently of 4.0 semesters.

However there is this one professor I had who called me stupid and slow. The college didn't have a disabilities office and to get accomodations for my ADHD I had to go to all the deans. When she saw I needed extra time she told me "You shouldn't be in this class. You're just really slow and stupid." I felt horrible.

But I think everyone telling me I'm smart sets me up to feel worse about myself. All my friends have graduated and have lives now and because of the MI (not the ADHD, something else) I haven't finished or done anything worthwhile.

I know this is off-topic but I recently had dinner with one of them and when I told him what program in school I wanted to do, he said "Oh it's hard to get into that. Are you sure you want to do that?"

Why do parents and teachers think I'm smart, and the psychologist who tested me too, but my friends think I'm just stupid? That hurts.

[ZeldaX]

It really really hurts when your parents say things to you that are at odds with your reality. I was incredibly bright but, as my mom always reminded me, who wants a bright girl? What she wanted was a prom queen. But, aside from Carrie, not too many mentally ill girls who are extremely symptomatic end up as prom queens.

Fact is, we are all pretty smart, some of us very smart, and some of us very smart at very different types of things. And we are all kind of pretty, some very pretty in different ways. Anyone who says anyone else is stupid is either angry, ignorant, or so messed up they need to go around attacking other people.

[Melmo]

My mom had always told me (and still does) that im so smart. I never believe a word of it though. In my mind, I'm stupid and can't do anything.

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