[hartbroken]

I was wanting to know what your life was like before you were mentally ill. Did you have quarky behaviors that gave it away, or did you act pretty normally? How happy were you? Things like that..

[Webgoji]

I've fought Major Depressive Disorder for darn near 30 years now. It wasn't as bad when I was younger though. I've been told that I was "the man"; that guy that walked into a room and everyone just suddenly calmed down. Everything was going to be okay when I showed up. I guess I was confident, tough and had a moral compass that always pointed due north.

I do remember that I was ready to take on the world. I wanted to be a plant manager and run things the right way. After college I owned my dream car (not the big dream Lamborghini, but I did have a WS-6 Trans-Am) and my own place and stuff. I was lonely, but pretty good.

Now I'm just a shell of that, but working on recovering.

[gayleggg]

I had a happy childhood. Was the life of the party in high school. Married and had a beautiful little girl. I enjoyed being a stay at home mom and wife. We went and did things and enjoyed life. When my daughter was 8 depression hit me hard and things have never been the same since.

[lizardlady]

In retrospect I've been depressed most of my life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 40s. I have to say I was pretty miserable before my diagnosis. Once I saw a pdoc and got on meds life got much better.

[LavenderFruitNinja]

I don't remember any of my time being a kid, really. Then again, I don't remember much. But I am also 14, most people my age probably don't remember being young. But for me, I can't really remember a time before I had anxiety... My mom says I was pretty anxious when I was six or so, but not even close to the level I'm at now.

[PrisonBound]

No different before my diagnosis. the problems were there...just w/out a name. I've had problems as long as I can remember

I've battled depression since as far back as I can remember, so I consider it "normal" for me. I was not shocked at all when I was diagnosed, haha. I was relieved when I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety not too long ago, because then a lot of things started to make more sense.

[Grey Matter]

I had a happy "normal" childhood, until I turned 14. Then it's been pretty much the same.

Strangely ignorant and blissful with a good bit of melancholia around the edges.

Until the fecal matter hit the air oscillation device, that is ...

Then the ignorance and bliss were gone & the reality of it being Pure D Hell really set in!

[healingme4me]

This is twisted, for me, to express...Let me start, I found out, my dx, on a summary sheet, last year?? Must have been, I started back with my pdoc, in oct '12. After a few months off. So, late last year, early this year, I get my summary report, with my dx on it.

I expressed, to myself, that's it?! That's all?! Because, people around me, or perhaps listening to my ex, and his relatives, too much, and having had an exhaustion moment several years ago...seriously...

That's it?! I was thinking, due to my past SI/SH/SA, I was sure to have BPD. And, then I went in, asking about bi-polar, because some of the arguments with my ex were rather, well argumentative, and his family, some were, well, she must be, or it must be ptsd or god knows what else...especially after knowing my mom was calling my neuro and telling him stories(and wanted my dad to have a hospital lined up for me--I was dxed with MS, suffering from fatigue, maybe a bit of post-partum stuff, it wasn't cool, how I've been treated like I've got a severe illness. When, it's anxiety and depression. just anxiety and depression, from an ivy league school grad...

life, since knowing my dx....validating of my reality.

[healingme4me]

My 'exhaustion', ever feel, like you've been sleepwalking, but awake? 6 months, after my third baby was born, brings us, to summer time. I was waking up to the reality, that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, with my then husband. Three kids, oldest barely out of diapers, mom calls me, talks me ear off, each morning, then my 'husband'(for intents and purposes of this one) is calling me, a couple times an hour, while he's off working 50-60 hours a week, and I am home, no car, sort of new to my town, no job. Mind, you, for this, I'd yet to have MS tossed my way, so it's a hot summer, I am connecting on a support group, and personalizing a bit, as can happen on line. And, many sleepless nights, many arguments, with the ex, struggling to keep up with his house cleaning demands, change diapers, chase babies/toddlers/preschooler around. Hearing over and over and over again, all about his co-worker and her life story.
Watching tv one night, was having what I know now, to be heart palpitations, and you know, when you are half asleep and the tv fades in and out, some times, it's really loud? 'There's something wrong with the Queen's Heart.'
(ummmm, what was that?--getting really nervous, because, yeah, what's wrong with my heart, anyways? Mom calls, next day, mom, it was really strange, last night, but I'm just sitting there and the tv gets really loud, and that's what I heard. Mom, I feel like I'm dying, I can hardly move....mom, there's something strange, going on on-line, this one, here, reminds me, of my ex bf. Mom, I was just online last night, and this site pops up, talking about this man and losing his wife in '97, and how she's borderline and he wants nothing more than to find her and something about san diego and telecommunications...mom, did someone hack my computer?! I broke up with the ex, in 97! Or mom, could it be that guy I hooked up with in 97?? Which is it? Who is it?! And what's going on...

Mom, is it possible, that site, I go to, though anonymous, why are some people around me, talking that talk?

So, one night, I decided to start praying. Either I'm dying, or...I am about to die. It was like walking in a fog, haze, tunnel vision.

So...yeah, anxiety, depression, that's it? Because, mom starts thinking I'm having some type of amnesia, after one night, I grabbed my baby books, ex was upstairs, and I felt, this life, like this, cannot keep going on. So I'm texting to my bff, telling her, I just don't feel good, do you believe in god, and tell me something, do I call the ER? I knocked on a couple doors, not knowing what I was going to ask, but the third door, it was. Old friends, now adult son answered. I didn't ask, much more than, um, hi..um...do you need spiritual healing? Then no, And Im like, ok, have a good night...elderly man, says, it's a little late to be walking the kids, and I said, yes, I need to go home now. Get home, ex is freaking out on me.

Then, next day or day after, took the kids, to play outside, in the heat, had this little back yard, not fenced in, real tiny and one starts off down the street, I've about all I can do, three little kids and me, to chase after them...go to knock on neighbors door, for help...can you help me, get back home...who starts coming up the street but my husband. Guy asks, do you know him? no.
why didn't you recognize me? my vision is cloudy, I need to call the doctor.

and so, I ended up with my MS dx..and future referral to my pdoc...

yep...hence, their desire to label me, insane. the non medical community, well, the small faction of these relatives...

[MotownJohnny]

I consider the moment I was mis-diagnosed as bipolar and condemned to a psych program to be the moment I died. August 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm in a quack psychiatrist's office in Rochester Hills, Michigan. It was my death sentence, I have been on death row ever since, just awaiting my execution. Dead man walking.

So, my life was often a pure living Hell before then. I was frequently in emotional torment.

Now, after, is much worse, to an infinite degree. Before, I felt like an equal member of society, now I feel like a pariah. I wish I were dead, I want to be dead, and the temptation to purchase the means is very, very strong.

I truly grieve for who I was - I may have been a mess, but I had my sense of pride.

I have nothing now and no reason to live.