[CaptainKirk]

Not my death, not anymore. But I can't stop thinking about the death of others, particularly murder.Today alone I've watched six or seven documentaries on serial killers, murderers, anything like that. I hate to see others suffer, and I want their suffering to end. But time and time again I've seen that suffering ended only with death, and now I feel like I want to help with that. But I hate that feeling and I don't know why it's there. It's another part of me I've never seen before and it scares me. I feel like seeing somebody die would be exciting. Sexually exciting. But saying this is hard because I hardly believe that these thoughts are mind. I feel like they aren't. It's terrifying. I don't understand this. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow afternoon, but I'm scared to tell him. I don't know what to do...

[Pikku Myy]

ohhhhhhhhhh..... crying with you just not myself either

I think that is at least partly our media at work. I imagine games make it exciting. It is fantasy so why not be fascinated? Zombie killing is not real and it's practically celebrated. It's a release which is also what sex does. You're objectifying it. It has been going on with women for decades. If that rings true then I think you are ok presenting it that way although I completely understand why you would be hesitant. I would be too.

[Silent Void]

At the risk of being blasted by other members, I think you should tell your therapist. To think about seeing someone's death making you sexually excited is not a good sign.

[Travelinglady]

I agree that the media are obsessed with death. Most every TV show seems to involve murder these days, for example.

I also agree that you do need to tell your therapist. I'm sure he/she has heard just about everything. This obsession needs to be dealt with since it is becoming sexual. Okay?