[FallenIntoDarkness]

It's commonplace for parents to help their children through various life milestones. Driving is one of them. However, my parents haven't driven since the 80s and now flash forward to 22, here I am with a learner's permit (G1 in my province) still trying to learn how to drive. Now, I didn't get it until August of last year, but I'm worried I won't be able to figure it out to pass my practical tests.

First of all, my driving instructor isn't very good at instructing me. He over-manages me and it causes me to not be able to focus on driving because I'm instead focusing on what he's saying instead. I'm also not able to get a lot of practice in between lessons because I'm stuck trying to get scattered help between friends and family (which is few and far between), frustrating my instructor because we are still doing basics halfway into the practical lessons.

It seems very frustrating to me that I'm having such difficulty learning such a basic skill.

Before you ask, I live in a poorly serviced area where transit services are not usable career-wise.

Are there any tips that anyone has with dealing with this sort of thing? I was diagnosed with GAD - if that's a factor.

Is there driving instruction nearby? The cost of lessons can be a problem but might you be able to manage a practise test with them?

[eskielover]

Can you change driving instructors to one you can work with better.

I am 63 & have been driving since I was 13. From 13-16 it was learning time out on deserted streets in the southern California desert.

Driving to me was critical. My mom didn't drive & my dad was working when rides were needed. Hated the sheltered life this forced me into & public transportation even back in those days wasn't the safest.

My desire to drive was so important. Maybe because I was young, I always felt one with the vehicle I was driving. That for me is key. I know where everything is all around me when driving & stay focused in case I have to make a sudden move to stay safe.

I started with smaller cars. Then Jeep Cherokees & now I have a huge quad cab truck I haul my horse trailer with. Love driving winding mountain roads. The key is knowing your vehicle. Having a feel of how it handles in different situations & always knowing what is going on around your vehicle when driving at all times.

[handheart]

Well dont be afraid and speak with your instructor to make his job well ,explain him the situation that you dont understand and yhat he speak to much because you pay to teach you good stuff

[FallenIntoDarkness]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Can you change driving instructors to one you can work with better.

I am 63 & have been driving since I was 13. From 13-16 it was learning time out on deserted streets in the southern California desert.

Driving to me was critical. My mom didn't drive & my dad was working when rides were needed. Hated the sheltered life this forced me into & public transportation even back in those days wasn't the safest.

My desire to drive was so important. Maybe because I was young, I always felt one with the vehicle I was driving. That for me is key. I know where everything is all around me when driving & stay focused in case I have to make a sudden move to stay safe.

I started with smaller cars. Then Jeep Cherokees & now I have a huge quad cab truck I haul my horse trailer with. Love driving winding mountain roads. The key is knowing your vehicle. Having a feel of how it handles in different situations & always knowing what is going on around your vehicle when driving at all times.

Yeah, I know a lot of people say "you don't need to drive normally" - but like I said for my career field (healthcare), it's quite reasonable to expect an individual to have a car. Let's say if I end up in ER Nursing, I can't be expected to walk or bus it to work if there's an emergency at the hospital.

[Melodysmooth]

I can relate to this subject. Sorry if this becomes a long post, I can talk about this for hours, lol.

Maybe, your situation is different than mine, it sounds like you just need to learn more on the basics and gain some practice. My issue was that even if I knew what I was doing, my mind would blank out or anxiety would kick in. Driving is one of my biggest phobias at the moment. I hate that this became a problem for me. My parents never taught me how to drive and never cared to because they were overprotective. I didn't even expect that this would be an issue until the age of 21 when my boyfriend taught me how to drive and I started getting panic attacks, just by the thought of driving so I would avoid it. I managed to get my license at the age of 22. Over the time I've gotten better and the one and only thing that helped was actually being behind the wheel on the road and placing myself out there.

I'm 25 now but even then and till this day, I drive to near by places, if I'm being pushed to, or when I feel comfortable. I proved to myself that I can drive, but I still at times there's still that anxiety. I am still struggling but I have someone who pushes me often to go for it and the more I do it the better, so practicing often is definitely the key.

Read driving manuals, watch videos online about driving, this may also help. I also started driving with small cars, but now I drive an suv and I admit I feel sooo much safer!

I would suggest finding someone who can dedicate some time to teach you more often, perhaps even finding another instructor if possible, if not find what you feel will help you improve and ask your current instructor if he can take that into consideration when it comes to teaching.

[FallenIntoDarkness]

Originally Posted by Melodysmooth

I can relate to this subject. Sorry if this becomes a long post, I can talk about this for hours, lol.

Maybe, your situation is different than mine, it sounds like you just need to learn more on the basics and gain some practice. My issue was that even if I knew what I was doing, my mind would blank out or anxiety would kick in. Driving is one of my biggest phobias at the moment. I hate that this became a problem for me. My parents never taught me how to drive and never cared to because they were overprotective. I didn't even expect that this would be an issue until the age of 21 when my boyfriend taught me how to drive and I started getting panic attacks, just by the thought of driving so I would avoid it. I managed to get my license at the age of 22. Over the time I've gotten better and the one and only thing that helped was actually being behind the wheel on the road and placing myself out there.

I'm 25 now but even then and till this day, I drive to near by places, if I'm being pushed to, or when I feel comfortable. I proved to myself that I can drive, but I still at times there's still that anxiety. I am still struggling but I have someone who pushes me often to go for it and the more I do it the better, so practicing often is definitely the key.

Read driving manuals, watch videos online about driving, this may also help. I also started driving with small cars, but now I drive an suv and I admit I feel sooo much safer!

I would suggest finding someone who can dedicate some time to teach you more often, perhaps even finding another instructor if possible, if not find what you feel will help you improve and ask your current instructor if he can take that into consideration when it comes to teaching.

Yeah thank you for the insight.

How did your boyfriend help you? Was he very heavy on the micromanagement?

[Melodysmooth]

Originally Posted by FallenIntoDarkness

Yeah thank you for the insight.

How did your boyfriend help you? Was he very heavy on the micromanagement?

At first he wasn't, but when he realized that I didn't believe that I can do it he was heavily on it. We would argue a lot about it, I refused to drive but he keep pushing me to do it. He would sit on the passenger seat, sometimes I would even sit and have my hands on the steering wheel and he would hold the steering wheel with one hand and control it while I would control the gas and pedal (not something I would recommend that drove me very nervous, but somehow it worked).

Then, once I got more control of it he would guide me through words, "try not to stop too close to the cars, let go of the gas, press the break slowly" and so on until I got the hang of it on my own. There's things I don't feel comfortable with though but still learning.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by FallenIntoDarkness

Yeah, I know a lot of people say "you don't need to drive normally" - but like I said for my career field (healthcare), it's quite reasonable to expect an individual to have a car. Let's say if I end up in ER Nursing, I can't be expected to walk or bus it to work if there's an emergency at the hospital.

HUH????? I commented that I hated the sheltered life that not driving causes even for the kids of someone who doesn't drive......It's important to KNOW how to drive. Limiting one's life by not driving is not a good thing because in most places public transportation is horrible & it doesn't get one to the places in a timely way in the first place.

I resented my mother for not driving & being totally dependent on everyone else & being totally stuck when there was no one there for her to depend on when my dad was working. That was why it was so important for me to learn how to drive as young as I could learn because I didn't want to be anything like my mother. Driving = Freedom & independence.

[FallenIntoDarkness]

Originally Posted by eskielover

HUH????? I commented that I hated the sheltered life that not driving causes even for the kids of someone who doesn't drive......It's important to KNOW how to drive. Limiting one's life by not driving is not a good thing because in most places public transportation is horrible & it doesn't get one to the places in a timely way in the first place.

I resented my mother for not driving & being totally dependent on everyone else & being totally stuck when there was no one there for her to depend on when my dad was working. That was why it was so important for me to learn how to drive as young as I could learn because I didn't want to be anything like my mother. Driving = Freedom & independence.

Yeah - my post wasn't 100% relevant and I apologize. I was mostly agreeing with the fact on how necessary it is (a lot of people argue against it saying "oh you can just get other ways").

At first he wasn't, but when he realized that I didn't believe that I can do it he was heavily on it. We would argue a lot about it, I refused to drive but he keep pushing me to do it. He would sit on the passenger seat, sometimes I would even sit and have my hands on the steering wheel and he would hold the steering wheel with one hand and control it while I would control the gas and pedal (not something I would recommend that drove me very nervous, but somehow it worked).

Then, once I got more control of it he would guide me through words, "try not to stop too close to the cars, let go of the gas, press the break slowly" and so on until I got the hang of it on my own. There's things I don't feel comfortable with though but still learning.

I'm okay with braking and the basics. It's the fine tuning of skills like turning (I tend to get nervous and stop before I turn, even when it's wide open) and can't seem to get past that simple step.

[BeaFlower]

I understand, I have bad driving anxiety too. I have the license since several years but never drove alone and also with my parents I drive rarely. Now I decided to go back to driving school (not the one where I went before, because the instructor was rude and gave me anxiety; luckily my new instructor is better), and I'm maybe feeling a bit more comfortable, but I still have many steps to do, like driving alone
Could you find a second instructor? Maybe ask suggestions to your friends to find a good one.
Good luck to all who are learning to drive

[Melodysmooth]

I'm okay with braking and the basics. It's the fine tuning of skills like turning (I tend to get nervous and stop before I turn, even when it's wide open) and can't seem to get past that simple step.

Practice more, I think you'll improve this once you're on the road more or even if you practice in streets not heavy on traffic, like a quiet neighborhood or so. I use to get nervous while turning too, especially in real right spots. Actually, I still have trouble with this sometimes. Instead of making a complete full stop try reducing your speed very very slowly,almost as if you were to completely stop but not exactly until you're half way or practically in. I feel it's safer and better, especially if someone is behind you that alerts them to not get too close because you're still turning.

[dwr3]

I was very motivated to get my driving licence. I passed my theory test on 4th attempt and practice...well, it took me 8 times. I could say that we have the most difficult exams in Europe, bla bla, but most people pass on their 1-4 attempt anyway. I had two driving courses, two different instructors. Spend a lot of money. One told me I have cognitive issues and will have a hard time learning to drive and he generally didn't think I should be driving, the other one was an old, disgusting pervert who was too busy making sexual comments to pinpoint my mistakes.
Actually I passed just by chance, I was awful, didn't sleep the whole night, was driving almost like for the first time... The examiner finally gave me a Positive after an hour and ten minutes of driving, telling me that I need to work on my stress.
But hey, I've failed seven exams before, mostly due to lack of knowledge and bad impulsive decisions. I already knew I'm gonna be a ***** driver. My cognitive skills are too bad, my focus fails, I have too many questions, poor short term memory, I cannot judge speed properly.
That's why, after passing my exam, I tried driving a bit with my dad (which once ended with creating a traffic on a small street) and then stopped. I never sat behind the wheel on my own.
That still makes me very sad, because all of my friends are driving freely since 3 years, they drive for fun a lot and I could never participate. I wanted to get the car and stuff. Before I started my course, people were laughing at me that they cannot imagine me driving and they were right. It was just another thing that made me feel worse and behind of everyone.

[BeaFlower]

(((dwr)))) I understand you. I was in your same situation till some time ago. Now I'm maybe getting some courage. But it's hard, I know. But, you can learn, I'm sure. Like you said, it's the stress and anxiety the main problem. You need practice, like me. And having bad instructors didn't help you; I recently went back to driving school and found a good instructor and he's helping me a lot.

[dwr3]

Thank you for your reply.
Maybe, one day, I'll try again. For now I cannot afford my own car anyway and I doubt if I will in the near future. My father's car is 20 years old, an old bmw, that's almost falling apart and I don't really wanna drive it, because he wouldn't forgive me even scratching it, there's always some trouble with it, especially the cooler, and I convinced him that I cannot drive anyway (I was driving with him a few times). The car is pretty long and wide and that's not good for me either. Most of my friends had their cars bought by their parents, they're paying for everything, I can't have that. It would be easier to have an automatic transmission (Most people in my country drive manual, automatic cars are pretty costly) and - my dream - a new car with this posibble crash sensor, but I would have to get rich. Yet the biggest problem is not the car, but the constant need to process the road in a right way and constantly changing enviroment.

I can't afford to insure my car so have been relying on public transit. It means any spontenaety or sense of indipendence has fallen by the wayside as I must plan out every outing well ahead of time. Now, I did have horrible anxiety when I was driving. I would worry exssessively that I might tick someone off.