[MrPants]

Today I started a new job (cleaning cars). I was really looking forward to it, but for the last two nights I've had the most awful insomnia, it's like my mind and body are exhausted but I just can't turn my brain off. My body feels slightly numb and kind of heavy, I'm constanly on edge and anxious and when I do finally manage to start slipping off to sleep I suddenly wake up just as I'm losing consciousness, apparently scared that I'm dying rather than falling asleep.

After I finished work today I was so exhausted I thought I was going to faint or collapse or something similar. My body felt weak and shaky, I was finding it hard to concentrate and I felt like I was a million miles away, like I was disconnected from my body or something. I was worried that I was dying or going crazy. The worst of it lasted about half an hour, but I managed to keep completely quiet about it and not show that anything was wrong - I didn't want my new boss to think I was a wacko on my first day. Thankfully I'm feeling better now, but I still feel kind of spacey and very tired. I have had this kind of thing before, too, but today seemed to be the worse I've experienced. I haven't seen a doctor or anything yet, because I don't want to worry my parents (I'm 19 and they have more than enough to worry about, with us being nearly broke and all).

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Was it a panic attack, or something else (I didn't have any of the chest pains, choking feelings or cold sweats usually associated with them). Am I going mad? I seem to be simeltaneously exhausted and restless. Also, does anyone have any tips for getting a good night's sleep?

Thanks.

EDIT: Crap, I just realised this should probably go in the Anxiety forum. Sorry.

[bptoo]

MrPants (Interesting screen name BTW ),

I had the exact same problem for years, and sometimes still do, before myself my T, and my Psych all put our heads together and came up with the answer. During the week, regardless of how tired I was, I was waking up between 11:30 and midnight, my brain would start to run 90 mph, slip in and out of sleep with a jerking motion. I also had a somewhat similar daytime routine to yours.

What we came up with was a symptom called Anticiptory Anxiety. Basically, it's whenever you have something, a task, a dr's appt, etc., that you have to do, your mind can sub-consciensely (sp?) interfere with your sleep patterns while anticipating you doing those things. When I was doing this, I would clock watch too. No sleep med, or increase in doseage of them would help the problem. How we broke me of this (for the most part) was to make sure I maintained absolute regular bedtimes (which sucks in the summer, because I get up at 2am), and I put my alarm clock on the floor where I could still hear the alarm, but not see the time. Your daytime experience could just be a result of not getting enough sleep. There is a big difference between staying awake on purpose, and having your body force you to stay awake.

Sometimes our problems really are all in our head.

I could be be totally off-base here, but your post had a real familiar ring to me. Anyway, I hope things get better for you and congrats on the new job. Oh, and BTW, welcome to the forums. I'm very glad to have you as a member of the family!

Be well,
Greg

[MrPants]

Thanks

I dunno, I've had this kind of thing before and not had anything I was anxious about coming up on the horizon. Still, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I don't usually get to bed until sometime between 3 and 5 AM (no, really) because my dad gets in from work late and I have to wait for him to get back in case he accidentally lets the cat out (I adore my cat, and there are ravenous foxes round here that have been known to eat them in the colder months, as well as gangs of teens who shoot them with air rifles, and of course the usual traffic hazards). Maybe that has something to do with it.

I just realised (thanks to this site) that a lot of what I described sounds consistent with a panic attack. The thing is, though, it didn't feel like panic as such. More like extreme exhaustion and despair. I was anxious and worried, of course - I was worried that I was losing my marbles - but I wouldn't describe it as panic, just overwhelming fatigue, physical weakness and faintness, as well as the extremely unnerving feeling of being disconnected from my body and from reality. Would this still count as a panic attack?

I just can't understand it all. A few months ago I was a relatively happy, confident, well-adjusted teenager. Heck, I even studied psychology for a year in college (though not in nearly enough detail to self-diagnose myself, of course).
I wanted to learn Japanese and travel the world. I wanted to join the Air Force, then maybe go into journalism or the computer industry. I wanted to live. Then suddenly, while I was in Islington with a friend last October, I suddenly felt like I was going mad, like I was overwhelmed with despair and worry, like I was losing touch with myself or reality, and I haven't felt the same since then. What the heck has happened to me?

MrPants (Ben)