See above.

I have had to reduce my anti depressant (under doctor orders). The suspicion is that it has been causing some major neurological issues. This is after dropping the lithium a few months ago.

I had been alright though. For a while. Actually, I had felt much more inherently stable than I have in a long time.

But now dropping the AD as well, which was pretty much the only AD to help the depression at all ever.

But... I can cope now. I mean... I have all these skills, right? So I'm trying to just deal. And I really didn't think it would make that much of a difference so for the first week or so it was business as usual.

Then more stress.
Then everything seems like twice as much work.

And now I'm not sleeping, now sleeping too much.

Not eating, now eating scrambled eggs at three thirty in the morning.
... My body hates eggs.

I'm laying in bed for a half hour, just thinking about sitting up. It's like some kind of mental anguish to just think about it. I look to the door and then back at the ceiling and eventually break the cycle by throwing myself out of bed.

But I don't know where I've gone; I love life so where did that "me" go?

My overflowing trash can or the pile of medical papers I still need to sort through? Am I tangled up in the looming pile of laundry in the corner?

But I'm here, I just feel muffled and clouded. I'm behind a veil.

I have such a hard time believing that such a little thing makes me crash.
Frankly; I'm pissed right the hell off about it all.

I can't reconcile this- meds aren't everything. I'm not nothing.
What am I supposed to do when the two most effective meds (I've been at this for over a decade now) contribute to seizure activity?

And why can't I just break through this? I didn't think this would suck so badly.

Can't change meds until after I see the neuro and have another EEG.

/me throws confetti

Happy Freakin' New Year!

[Ragamuffin77]

I'm sorry to hear this no words, just hugs

[0w6c379]

So sorry you are having such a hard time Josie. Being susceptible to seizures is just the worst. I hope you have someone checking in on you. It's a bad time for you now but hopefully, the doctor will be able to help. Have you tried more than one neurologist? All doctors are not the same, just a thought.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

/me throws confetti

Happy Freakin' New Year!

You can still write humorously, though.

[Perna]

Oh, that sounds so very hard! Have you gone to your regular doctor had blood and urine tests up the whazoo and made sure you don't have any hormone, vitamin/mineral deficiencies from the odd eating/sleeping, etc.? I know I just started taking Vitamin B-12 better, like my doctor suggested awhile back and it appears to be making a difference. I woke in pain this morning like I haven't for more than a month and know I overdid it with the candy yesterday, etc. I try to stay hopeful and when that is really hard, I go into "scientist" mode, endure, knowing it can take a much longer time than I'd like, and experiment.