Evil subconscious?

i guess i've just been stressed out over everything.. thanks for the replies, i do try hard to keep myself in the positive side of things but i guess we all dangle from a cliff edge from time to time..? I've just been planning on goin with the flow, its depression today but might be something better tomorow - who knows?
Dont worry be happy

i hate pretending to be happy i dont know how else to be anymore though

Hi, pretending to be happy can be stressful in itself you know. While I seriously admire your persistance (? ) and strength in looking foward you don't have to pretend anything here. So whatever yo want to say/whenever you want to say it.
But you are right sometimes can be about "weathering the storm" and riding out the worst of it- "tomorrow is another day". Still here for you if you want/need support with that.
Alison

i've isolated and withdrawn myself from ... everyone, since i was about 10 or so.. I think i used escapism through online video games, developed dissociative traits, isolated more.. im a push over in rl because i cant find the energy to say no, lead me to be an alcoholic and cause social phobia, and through it all suffering MDD and possibly personality disorder?
I like it here because people can learn from each other and i think thats the best way, for restoring "touch" to people

i think that lately though i have been pushing myself too hard, quiting drinking (im drinking now after a month or so of sobriety) slowed down the MJ use, almost quit smoking cigs ( but now smoking more again because of stress with medication), feels like a complete relapse but i know whats goin on in advance it seems... and these things will happen and its not a bad thing but should be a learning experience?

ive been trying not to read about the stuff and studying medicines like im in school, but i still have impulses too which is really leading me to wonder if i have OCD or something...
cant stop myself from obsessing over something that i get focused on, absolutely have to learn everything about it know what i mean?

anyway, im not sure where im going with this one... just sayin..

ill see what they say tomorow and hopefully i can get trazodone or something since i cant afford the others, and get rid of this buspar *arrgh i cant stand buspar.. does nothing but cause random headaches..

Today, 01:23 PM

anyone else here a chronic MJ user? that has disorders and found something that works?
edit: or just have any advice - im having difficulty quiting :/

I have a hard time telling people how I feel sometimes but I think its because I don't understand exactly what it is I feel , or why I feel this way, or why certain things bother me because they seem like stupid reasons to be upset in the first place.....but they upset me to No End all the same!

Not I. I find reality too interesting to try that kind of stuff.

I feel the same Alone & confused,

i started using mj at 12-13 years old, more than half of my life spent with it