[Boopers]

In order for you to understand this, I have to explain alot, so this is going to be long.

Ten years ago, my husband and I were in a very financial bind. This was when I was still working before I became disabled. My husband is a construction worker, so during the winter months, he was off alot.

My husband was off for several months and we had used up all of our savings to pay the mortgage and the bills. My paycheck paid for groceries as I was only making minimum wage and we had two teenage sons at the time.

My mother-in-law is very wealthy. I'm not talking a couple hundred thousand, I'm talking close to a million.

We were going to lose the house as we just couldn't come up with the mortgage payments anymore. My mother-in-law offered to pay our bills until my husband got back to work. We didn't ask, she offered. We were very grateful.

Instead of giving us a lump sum to get by with, I had to send her the total each month of the bills and she would send us a check for that amount and I would pay the bills.

There was no mention of paying her back and she knew we were struggling.

Well, a few months ago, she asked for the money back. We were shocked to say the least. We told her that we didn't have the money.

Apparently, she told my husband's sister and so a few days ago, we received a letter from his sister, telling us that we needed to come up with the money to pay their mom back so she could invest it and get interest from it.

I had no idea that his mother had kept track of every penny she gave us as I didn't. Well, she did and his sister said we needed to come up with $7, 280.00, even if we had to borrow against our house.

So, I went to the bank yesterday and applied for a loan against our house. The lady said it would not be a problem and we would have the money in a couple of weeks. I will have to use my social security check to pay this back. I had been using my check to pay for my prescriptions. I don't know what I will do now.

His mother knows all my health problems but has never called to ask how I am doing or has never visited me in the hospital when I was hospitalized several times. Once, I was in a coma and on life support for three and a half weeks and she never visited me. The doctors told my husband that I wasn't going to make it but I pulled through. She only lives an hour away from the hospital, but never showed.

My husband told me that after this is over with and she is paid, he wants no more to do with her. I have to admit, I feel the same way. Am I wrong for feeling hurt? I also feel upset and mad over this. Why would she do this to us?

I would welcome any comments on this as I don't know if I'm wrong for feeling this way. I need others perspectives on this.

Thank you,
Linda

[wisewoman]

Well,if you are goingtoavoid her and have no more contact with her the I would have hubby and you write a nice letter stating that you were not under the impression that you were supposed topay her back as there had been no mention and that to do so now would be a hardship for you but you are no table to make one payment, you need to send her x a month, whatever you can do comfortably. In doing this you realize you probably lose any inheritance but she is not struggling, and borrowing would make you struggle. Why is sister writing the letter anyway? Sounds a bit odd. Is she worried about her inheritance.

So it's a choice, you may lose family eitherway. Mom may be a bit off her rocker andit would be interesting to see where sis fits in.

[biplol]

Boopers, this is a touchy subjet.
Part of me is looking at her like a really selfish person, I don't like when people don't share with others the fortunes in life.
If I was her I wouldn't ask for the money back at all, but obviusly there was some miscomunication. Now, why is her daugther letting you, guys, know about all this? I think the mother is the one who needs to talk to you. This is a private matter and I think when there are a lot of people involved, that tends to complicate things.
Also, i think the money is an issue, but feelings hurt because of your illnes is a different story.
If you really want her to care, you need to let her know.
But is my sugetion that maybe you need to separate the issues and with a clear head, talk frankly to her.
In any case, best of luck to you hon, PM me if you need a ear~

[wisewoman]

I would add that many people would rather DIE then touch their capital investments so she may be rich but cash poorand needing more income so asnot to touch the investments. Also, can you see if you are covered under any state medication plans?

[SeptemberMorn]

Boopers, I'm so sorry this has happened! Had it been me, I would have refused to pay her back. She can afford to be without the money, you can't. BUT... you probably did the honorable thing.

You have every reason to be hurt and angry. And what business is it of your SIL?? It's none of her concern... unless she's going to get that money instead!

I would put distance between you and your in-laws, but I would think seriously about not having anything to do with your MIL. Although she sounds like a very cold person.

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope things are going better at this time. Do you have any proof that your mother wanted the money back? You may want to go see an attorney, since your mother in law did not put in writing that the money was to be paid back. You may not have to pay her anything back legally. I would get a legal opinion, since paying her back would lead to financial problems for your family. Take care soidhonia

[January]

Hi Boopers,

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

I think your husband should speak with his mother and find out exactly what she wants. He should ask if you can make payments so you don't have to go without your medicine.

It is none of your SIL's business and your MIL was wrong in telling her about the situation. The SIL was wrong for writing the letter to you.

Again, have your husband talk personally with his mother and see if the problems can be resolved that way.

My very best to both of you,

Jan

[Boopers]

Thank you all so much. You have each given me different ways to look at it. I don't want to be bitter over this. I need to do alof of thinking. I just can't wait to be able to send her the money since now that I know she wants it back. We really don't understand why his sister is involved. My husband hasn't been close to his sister as she married rich and she always puts on airs. So, now with her getting involved with this, he is super mad.
Please say a prayer for me to be able to heal my heart.
Thank you guys,
Linda

[(JD)]

Sorry, but you don't owe her a thing unless you signed a contract or a document that was witnessed. Don't put a loan on your home for family squabbles, that's the only stable thing you have in your life.

If you must, out of moral obligation repay her, then tell her you willsend her whatever extra you have, and leave it at that. Don't sign anything now. What's to say she won't then say you also own her $$ amount and then what will you do? I don't cotton to family who does this. Sounds like the relationship is already in the toilet, don't ruin your own finances over it also imo. Sounds like there's more gossip going on and finagling that you are privy to. Don't kowtow to such shennanigans.

She has no right to the money if she offered and sent it. I pray God will show you your obligations are for self respect and self care also...and to keep your marital relationship strong.

Tell her as God provides you will pay her back her gifts.

[biplol]

((((((Linda))))) My prayers going your way, so you can find the right and best thing to do~

[sabby]

Family and money are never an easy thing to deal with. Lesson learned, when it comes to money being given or loaned, put things in writing as to expectations of gift or loan and how to repay. It saves a lot of headaches down the road and each of you know what is expected.

Definitely, you and your husband should speak privately with your MIL to find out what she wants and expects. As far as your SIL being involved, could she possibly have power of attorney over her mother's business affairs? If not, then she should keep her nose out of things and I wouldn't give her the time of day.

Please don't act too quickly before getting all the pertinent information from your MIL. Maybe she is misinformed about your life situation and thinks you are in a better way than you are. Lack of communication can cause all kinds of problems.

I hope things work out for you!

Hugssssssss
Jean

[Wants2Fly]

Wow, it sounds like this came out of left field. No wonder you feel hurt. Lots of good suggestions here already; I especially like the pay-back-over-time plan. Best wishes for a good resolution for you.