From the blog entry
I have really complicated feelings about exhortations to tell girls they’re smart instead of beautiful, and also why I’m not a Ravenclaw
"There’s also this thing that happens where, once someone has gotten the impression that I’m so intelligent, expects me to not have a soul, a conscience, a sense of fairness, or a heart, and winds up really confused and disappointed when I do.

Other people’s perception of my intelligence has been over-leveraged as a survival tactic and bargaining chip for autonomy and personhood, for me to really be able to treasure it much for myself anymore."

I think compounding the issue is that discussing any of this, one might encounter other individuals who might be mean and aggressive in their response to this general topic.

Thoughts?

[A Red Panda]

I completely agree with that blog post. I was the "smart" girl and anything else about me was ignored or discouraged. Well. "smart" and "responsible". But I was never really even complimented on it... it was just a fact and classmates used it to their advantage and adults just expected more out of me.

I started to rebel by the time I was 12, where I started writing messy so my classmates couldn't read my work, and I started to not put effort in. By highschool, I only did homework that was going to be marked and I did not study. In university, I did not edit a single one of my essays - and I was an English major! I also did the minimum of studying and often did not attend class or do readings.

I wasn't able to enjoy my successes because I felt too pressured to achieve them, and then intentionally underachieved so that I wouldn't feel horrible over not having things perfect - because at least I knew that I didn't try!

Do I regret that now? Well yes. Who knows what I could have been if I'd actually tried to meet my full potential. But I was never encouraged, I was just expected to do well.