[Butterfly_Faerie]

I had my session today with my psychiatrist, brought stuff up about about depression, she made me do some homework just happy times in my life. Childhood, first animals, vacations anything to start steering me in the right direction, living in regret, no living in the past.. And I did that and it actually worked.

I feel more empowered now, I don't feel as stressed out, I don't think of my ex anymore, my body memories are becoming less. My dreams are gone for now (daydreams too) Anxiety is less, I'm also thinking about getting into school again to get my GED (adult learning) not 100% yet that I'm doing that, but I'm thinking about it.

The only thing that has got me down recently is the issue with the clothes not fitting. We came to the conclusion that it isn't the Remeron that is causing this, It's likely just my metabolisim, it's rare to see a 24 year old in a size 1... so I just gotta come with to terms that I doubt i'll fit in a size 0 anymore. She is going to help me keep a food schedule, and I'm exercising usually doing an hour on the elliptical... My family bought a brand new one so I'm keeping the old one at my boyfriends house, also did a bit of yoga and pilates...So we'll see what happens..

My homework over the next 2 weeks is:

*Related not live it* <--- the whole live in regret, not in guilt think

-Being empowered to make my own choices

- Keep schedule of of my eating.. putting a 'p' for portioned, and a 'o' for over eating ,and if I have to eat less bread or something, at least she can watch that.

Lastly -Write more good memories-

I came to realize that I'm living in the past to much. I felt shame and guilt over everything that happened with the rape, the abuse, the assualts... but I Cannot live in the past anymore, I can say I REGRET this has happened, and live with that.. at least then your not blaming yourself, it's an acceptance.

The weight thing, I'll be happy being a size 3 or whatever it may be, I still fit in 1/2 so I shouldn't be complaining, just put to red my size 0's I guess that's just a part of growing up.

Well that's what's going on right now.

I'll keep everyone posted.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>