[meowcat7]

I have depression and adhd. But it seems like something else is wrong with me. I'm a junior in high school. I don't have any friends, but I'm not lonely. Sometimes, out of sheer boredom, I wish I did, but overall it doesn't really bother me. I can make friends, but I never try to become closer to them. Pretty much everyone that I have been close to has screwed me over. Some social situations make me uncomfortable, to the point that I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than talk to people. It's not so much that I'm anxious around people, it's just that I don't feel like talking to them. I don't like who I am right now but I don't necessarily care what other people think of me, unless it affects my life in a negative way.
It's strange. When I was about 12 I was extremely paranoid. I never had visual hallucinations, but I thought ghosts/creatures were watching me and trying to hurt me constantly. And I mean constantly. So I guess you could say that I was hearing voices. I was physically ill at the time, and when I got better it stopped. Nothing like that has ever happened to me since, but looking back, I seemed to be schizophrenic. I became a loner about a year and a half ago, but even before then I didn't really care for friends. As of now, unless being friends with someone benefits me(they have access to drugs or alcohol) I don't really care. I have empathy, and I don't manipulate or lie to people. I just don't care about anyone but myself anymore. I can't find a mental disorder that really describes me. It's confusing because I know that I'm a f***** up person. I'm not asking for a diagnosis but some insight would be nice.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, meowcat7, and welcome to Psych Central! I would think your depression might be causing you to withdraw from other people from some extent. But it could be that something else is going on, too.

Are you in therapy? Of course, getting professional help and evaluation is the way to go. Then you would know for sure what's happening!

Again, welcome!