[xEmilyIsSadx]

My boyfriend Jared recently lost 2 of his friends. Im not sure how close they were, to me it seems like they werent as close and Jared says they were...but w/e. So the 2 boys that died (david and trip) we locked outside of their house, and had been drinking and using painkillers, started a fire in a van to keep them warm as they went to bed. the fumes put them out, and the car blew up. me and jareds other friend, tony, was on the news because he was about to hang out with them that night. we are all glad he didnt die as well. but still, all this is really upsetting jared. he acts like its killing him, but when i talk to him about it, he yells at me and says "its not affecting me and i dont need to be lectured by my girlfriend!"...it really made me sad because im only trying to help him, and hes just yelling at me. when i lost my CLOSE friend in a car accident, i was upset, but when people grieved with me, i accepted it. im over it now. i dont think about it every day, and mourn on the anniversary of her death. i think thats normal. i told him to take baby steps, to slowly move on. those boys werent his life. they didnt hang out EVERY week. we are all skate boarders. we have a huge range of "groups" and we all have seen everyone. everyone in this huge town knows us, and we know them, but it doesnt mean we are all best friends, or even friends at that. i think hes aking it a bigger deal than it is, because he has been sad lately, and he wants something to blame his sadness on. i sort of told him tht, but not really, because whenever i try and help him or give advice, he yells at me and says im lecturing him. i dont know what to do. im doing my best to be there for him. i know when to give him space and when to not. i love him, he says he loves me. but u no, after the recent break up (we got back together) its just going to be hard. i dont know what to do with him. because im not in school right now, hes my life. he is just being so withdrawn from me. i dont know how to act about his friends. he has pictures of it on his myspace...he hashis myspace name "RIP TRIP AND DAVE" and so on...he is just making it SUCH a big deal....he needs to try and let go. he needs to run his life...he has problems like me...he needs to take care of himself. i dont know what to do.

[bebop]

think of it this way. it isn't a big deal to you but it is to him. maybe they were friends since childhood. you said you didn't know how close they were right? even so that is a very tragic death and it is going to affect him even if they were not bosom buddies really. everyone reacts differently to death. please just give him some time and try not to be judgemental. he needs this time to grieve

[SeptemberMorn]

I thought you and Jared had broken up!

Seems obvious to me he either doesn't need or want your help. Just leave it alone.

[xEmilyIsSadx]

^^^ he wanted to get back together ^^^

and i know for a fact they have only known eachother about a year, seeing eachother on and off. ive done lots of research on the deaths, and it turns out, i may have known the two boys too. even before i found htis out, i had been very upset. i dont handle death easily. at all. i hate it. it depresses me in an instant. i feel horrible, and i reall need to jared to be here for me, but he is upset to. and i have to be there for him. if you knew him, ud see what i mean when i feel like he is advertising their deaths and how he knew them, more than he is feeling sad about it. im trying to get us through this..

[Rapunzel]

Grieving is very complex, and each person grieves differently. He might be having some "survivor's guilt" because it could have been him with them in that van, or other thoughts that he has that he feels bad about. I hope that he is able to get some counseling to help him get through this time.

Rap

[xEmilyIsSadx]

I visited the garage they died in last night and prayed. i feel better about it, but i just wish i could have stayed longer, and prayed with some other friends that were going. i et spiritual connections better when im in a group. but apparently he went to it too, and we feel alot better about the whole thing.