Mentally ill from childhood

I feel this way all the time.

I am not against meds. I hope no one thinks I am. But I do think they are thrown at patients far too often without consideration for other methods that may work best. I did not want meds. I wanted the therapy. Because I feel I could benefit from someone to talk to. And yet, I had meds thrown at me and was given a therapy session once a month, for 30 minutes at a time. Egads.

I often feel that with early intervention for many of my issues, I would not be as bad off as I am now.

I often say that I cannot remember ever being happy, and sadly, I am not lying. For as long as I can remember (which isn't that much as it is, as my memory suffers in some areas, too - huge bits of my life are just not there).. I've been depressed. Depression was just always 'normal' to me. I can remember sometimes watching other kids, who were happy, and wondering why I couldn't be the kind of happy they were.

When I first saw my NP, he had a psychiatrist with him to help aid him in my prescription. When I told them my age, I remember her commenting oh, so young. Which made me go .. really? Because it seems to be fairly common for mental illness to show itself in childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood.

I started self harming at about 11 or 12. And my first major depressive episode was at 13. Anxiety came at around 14. Followed by its friend social anxiety at 16. Binge eating reared its ugly head at 18, which was soon followed by compulsive overeating at 19. And then, entered the restrictive eating disorder at 22. I literally cannot remember a moment in my life where I have not battled feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, self loathing, or depression.

And my psychiatrist's reaction made me wonder... is it really rare for people to seek help for their children and is it really rare for young adults to seek help?

Ya know, maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time getting anyone to take my chronic pain seriously. I have bipolar disorder, and the depression part gets really bad, and my physical pain gets worse. My PCP even told me that he thought the pain was more because of my depression, like I was imagining it or something.

Sorry I have not been replying to all of your posts. I have been physically sick because of my meds and some OTCs. Sometimes I just get so desperate to feel better physically that I will take almost anything even though I know it always end up making me sick.

Desperation is terrible state of mind to live in, it makes me crazy!

Thank you for your posts and have a good day/night all!

I fought the medication scene for several years fighting with the docs and nurses for years. i finally realized they were helping me when i was in my 30's. After several hospital stays on pshyc wards it just hit me that i do need the meds and docs. It was a long run but in the end like now i am soo happy those who tried to help me were there when i needed them.

Simply put....the mentally ill one has a mental illness while the other does not. Sure its normal for kids to experience anxiety over seemingly silly things or be very sad/dissapointed about something seeming trivial but its not normal for a kid to be depressed and anxious most of the time...like I was I don't think.

this is exactly where I am

Hello Ripose, Sounds like doctors have given you run around. Please try to find a doctor who is psych sensitive but also on the ball physically. They are out there. Talk to friends and see if they have found a good doc.

50 years ago there was little psych help for any child. There is more help around for children, but it is still under resourced. I had weird things happen when I was a kid. When I was young I tried to get help I was told there was nothing wrong with me. So I kept my voices to myself....... until I couldn't.

Mental illness does start early for some. Genes and/or environment will kick it off. You aren't alone.

Completely agree possum.. a little bit of therapy early on would have helped me learn how to cope with sadness better