![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
support and enabling... I'll use the same analogy that my mom used with me.
When a sappling is growing, you have to give it a "straight" support in order for it to grow straight and strong. Enabling, on the other hand, is to leave the sappling alone and when it starts bending, you offer it a "support" that allows it to grow bent. You ENABLE it to grow twisted and bent in it's own, perhaps twisted, way. On the side of the freeway in a town in which I lived... and next to a frontage/service road, there was a palm. The road was named after it; Crooked Palm Rd. You could see where the palm had taken, for some reason, a spurt of grown in exactly a 45 degree angle. Someone had come along and built a SUPPORT for it. In order not to break it, they had followed the bend in it by nailing some boards to the straight trunk, another one with the bend in it, and had tied some new growth to another brace going straight up. The palm tree had again started growing straight. Had not these SUPPORTS been placed there, the palm no doubt would have broken at the bend and died or grown even more deformed.
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
god post tomi
|
#3
|
||||
|
||||
![]() ![]()
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#4
|
||||
|
||||
![]()
__________________
Live life passionately, love unconditionally. Hope for the best, laugh your heart out. Cry when you need to, learn from the past. And remember what is meant to be will find its way. |
#5
|
||||
|
||||
as I always say " EMPOWERMENT THROUGH SUPPORT" this is hard for some and easy for others
__________________
![]() A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
#6
|
||||
|
||||
Good post Tomi.....
![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() |
#7
|
||||
|
||||
I think that's a great analogy with one caveat: it depends on the tree. For a palm, you're absolutely right. But if you were to put a straight support on a Harry Lauder's Walking Stick (admittedly a shrub), you'd lose the beauty of it by forcing it to grow straight. And around here, the rule of thumb is NOT to put supports or stakes on young deciduous trees unless absolutely necessary, and then only for a year. If you stake them too long and/or too tight, they don't get to take advantage of the bends from the wind which helps them grow strong and deeply rooted. Over-staked trees tend to come down in wind storms because they are weak and shallow rooted.
So, I guess just don't assume everyone is a palm? And in my case, I can't assume that staking palms is bad. At least not til I check it out. namaste gg
__________________
Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts. |
#8
|
||||
|
||||
It's just an analogy and a lose one at that, GG. In my mother's original analogy, she would say that sometimes you need to add dirt to a sappling. When she said this, she signaled a spanking with her hand. If you notice, I left that out. I've learned that you can straighten a crooked growing plant ... or child... or someone who has learned wrong coping skills or had their thought patterns damaged, with other things besides duress. Sometimes, though, you need to add something stronger than "soil ammendments." Also, her analogy was for a young sappling. She didn't mention a life long stake/support.
For me, that would fall under "enabling." An overstaked tree would be "enabled" to continue with it's weakness rather than allowing it to form it's own strength. If the beauty of the Harry Lauder's Walking Stick SHRUB is it's crookedness, then it's obvious that staking it would be the wrong thing to do. Some of us are born with our own strength and only need fed from time to time. Others had an unfortunate childhood that twisted and weakened them. Those need more than just feeding. They need extra help. For the palm tree I talked about, it was at least 20 feet tall when it suffered whatever accident it was that broke it. If it hadn't been braced, it's top would have fallen off. It's been staked for at least the last 40 yrs that I know of. It's grown straight up again beyond the point where it was broken and then given support. It's a curious and interesting tree... and quite a landmark.
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#9
|
||||
|
||||
I like the analogy, but it got me to think... maybe sometimes I would rather just break than bend and keep growing...
But don't let my pessimism get anyone down... I'm just in a "mood" today...
__________________
![]() |
#10
|
||||
|
||||
Well, I've been bent and twisted, but I'm glad I've gotten the support and "stakes" I've gotten. Maybe you need to wait until you're old as me to appreciate it?
![]() ![]()
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#11
|
||||
|
||||
![]() I have realized in life that we only appreciate those things we tend to lose too soon... but I guess I choose not to see the support people give me... I'm much happier thinking the world hates me.... But hey, that's just me today.....
__________________
![]() |
#12
|
||||
|
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() We all have our dark sides, but I've yet to see yours. I'm usually pretty good at spotting dark sides, too. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#13
|
||||
|
||||
okay smartie pants, have ya seen ours ??? hahaha
Angie
__________________
![]() A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
#14
|
||||
|
||||
She's not necessarily dark, Lovey. She's just firm.
![]() ![]()
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#15
|
||||
|
||||
an fully packed huh? hahahaha
__________________
![]() A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
#16
|
||||
|
||||
![]()
__________________
![]() |
Reply |
|
![]() |
||||
Thread | Forum | |||
the difference | Depression | |||
What is the difference? | Psychotherapy | |||
WHat is the difference? | Community Feedback & Technical Support | |||
difference b/w did and mpd | Dissociative Disorders | |||
is there a difference? | Survivors of Abuse |