[MadMardigan1]

New here.. I often see dwelling being about negative things. I'm not sure if my dwelling is an ok thing or other issue. My wife complains that I dwell on my past too much though.

Basically I have good memories.. simpler times.. I keep dwelling on how I lived in the country and the anticipation of things was greater than today where everything is "yesterday". I remember my friends.. playing baseball in the fields.. going to the lake in the winter and everything was an adventure. It was great.. even the smell of fall and spring.. camping with friends..

I think about it a lot. I am married and have kids and I love them dearly. I just don't know why I can't let the past memories stop.. I even today just thought about elementary and sitting in the library reading Jumanji etc.. and book fairs.

I know this is not as serious as some issues people are having.. but for me I enjoy looking back but I don't know why I can't keep looking forward. I work and go home to my family.. we don't have a lot of friends anymore as they moved on nor do we hang out at friends houses often. Maybe that is part of it... anyone else feel this way????

[Jamles]

Memories are good thing to have and even necessary. I would say that you could try to take some of those past memories and do them with your family today. Make new ones but only now with your family.

[MadMardigan1]

Originally Posted by jimpomer

Memories are good thing to have and even necessary. I would say that you could try to take some of those past memories and do them with your family today. Make new ones but only now with your family.

well one is 16 now so she is out doing her thing.. the other is 11 and started doing her own thing.. and my youngest is 8. I do stuff with them but we live in a town now. They aren't into the types of things I was when I was a kid. Technology has overtaken them which is partly my fault being an Engineer and all. I try to do some of those things.

It's frustrating which is odd because they are good memories but I even get to the point at times where I wish I could just have a photo of each memory point that spikes in my head.. I guess I'm more obsessed than dwelling on them. ughh

[Agentfyre]

I don't want to assume that your dwelling now isn't about bad things either. For instance, even if I'm dwelling on good things in the past, it may be because I feel like I have nothing in the present. In that case, dwelling is still about something negative, it's about how much better my past was than my present or sometimes perceived future.

Do you feel like any of this relates? If not, then I would say it's a good thing, and completely agree with jimpomer.

If it does relate, then... well I still agree with jimpomer! You can try to make the present just as enjoyable. Though sometimes that seems easier to say than do. What is it like for you?

[MadMardigan1]

Originally Posted by Agentfyre

I don't want to assume that your dwelling now isn't about bad things either. For instance, even if I'm dwelling on good things in the past, it may be because I feel like I have nothing in the present. In that case, dwelling is still about something negative, it's about how much better my past was than my present or sometimes perceived future.

Do you feel like any of this relates? If not, then I would say it's a good thing, and completely agree with jimpomer.

If it does relate, then... well I still agree with jimpomer! You can try to make the present just as enjoyable. Though sometimes that seems easier to say than do. What is it like for you?

Hmm good question. I guess maybe I feel like our lives lately are so "business" that while we do fun things with our kids and I enjoy it, there is a part of my own life that feels routine and I wish there were some more personal time for myself. One thing I always remember is that it was all about me I guess.. me having fun and doing what I wanted when I wanted. I know my kids enjoy things we do but maybe my dwelling is about me missing having that freedom and carelessness.. Before having kids and all.. I was very adventurous and active. I'll have to think about all that and get back to you.. maybe bring it up to my wife.. see if she agrees since she sees it first hand hehe.

Thanks...

[Agentfyre]

Hmm, see that can be huge. After discussing it with your wife, the two of you may be able to find ways to do fun things together, or allow each other some alone time for fun. And even involving the family in things YOU enjoy. After all, you spend so much time catering to the children's needs, they should be able to join you on some of the things YOU enjoy as well. Enjoyment should be about the family, not just the kids.

Good luck, and let me know what you think.

[brainhi]

Sometimes I think memories - come forward (dwell) when we are trying to relate to what is going on....like when I was that age I was...doing this or that - or finding common ground..or to acknowledge how things are different.

There are some people I meet who look at the past and think the best of them is in the past...that makes me a little sad. My life was very sad in the past and I'm enjoying the journey much more than I did in my past. The best of me is not gone.