[ForeverLonelyGirl]

After making myself absolutely miserable the last few years or so, I have come to the conclusion that life could not POSSIBLY be as bad that I have been thinking it is. Really do not know how I did come to that conclusion, but glad that I have. It is what it is! Lots of people have it better than me, some have it worse.

Obsessive thoughts have been absolutely killing me. I obsess over what I perceive to be my lost 'looks'. I am super anxious. I am overweight. I go out in public and see others that look way worse or heavier than me. Of course there are the beautiful people, mostly on television or movies! Have you noticed that? Even though Hollywood does have to employ some 'different' looking folks, some heavy, some too thin and not so pretty, most seem to be attractive and are able to sing!!! With models on the cover of magazines and actors, it's no wonder we all have such inferiority complexes. I know I do!

I am still stuck on my couch most of the time. I know what I need to do to get in shape physically but obviously I choose not to. Is that self hatred? Maybe. I've been on the couch for almost 2 years now due to severe anxiety related to withdrawing off benzos. In a fetal position much of the time. Believe that or not!!! It is getting better. I do go out when I need to, be it limited. I am broke. Only moving to a different, less expensive place to live is going to help that. I just have to accept that.

Maybe what I learned in DBT is starting to work, I had that about 4 years ago. "Acceptance is the only way out of hell", is one of their mottos. So when I cry because I think I am fat or look old, I realize that sitting still will not get weight off and I am almost 60, but people have said even recently that I looked like I am in my 40's. Looks are not everything, but I have been feeling so hideous that I feared people would run when they saw me. At least that is how it seemed to be in the last 2 years, on the couch, going through withdrawal.

I do try to remind myself to grateful for what mind I do have and my abilities. Making a gratitude list daily is something I have done in therapy or hospital settings. Not a bad idea. As much as some folks believe that things do not happen for a reason, I have to believe that they do and that there is a higher power in existence. That is another long discussion.

Anyhow, maybe I am getting better finally and maybe have another chance at enjoying life. I sure hope so. Life is what you make it I believe, and relationships are also what you make them. People have told me that I am a survivor and for what all I have been through in life, it is a miracle that I am even here! A true miracle. I guess I am not done yet.

[Fuzzybear]

And even those beautiful people on the cover of magazines don't look like themselves. They photo shop the hell out of those images, and they use makeup, lighting, and camera angles to make those people look unrealistically beautiful. Those beautiful people for the most part have issues just like us . I also try to be grateful everyday for what I do have. Glad you are finding what's good in your life.

[unaluna]

We are both about in the same boat - age, weight, family relations. Youre right - could be worse, could be better!

[CapedCrusader]

The beauty of ones person is not in the outside, it's actually in the inside. I feel that you are a great lady. In this life, we have to enjoy it. really enjoy it no matter what or how because nobody knows what's gonna happen next. Make a difference, Help other people, Be nice, and Have fun.