[MotownJohnny]

It takes work and more than a bit of faith on my part to adopt the feeling that dealing with, and having a diagnosed, MI isn't the end of my world. I am slowly coming to a place not necessarily of "acceptance" that I am "crazy", but at least a place where I don't feel I am limited by society due to it. I'm a bit proud, in kinda a weird way, of the fact that I am fully real-world functional to the extent anyone else is. Sure, I have bad days and spells now and then, when I am less productive or less happy, but they ebb and flow, and everyone has those. To quote a Bon Jovi song, "everybody's broken, it's ok to be a little broken."

I felt, when I was sent to a day hospital program, that "that was it" and all of my rights to choose my own path in life were gone - that I was forever at the mercy of doctors, society, family, who would "put me away" and make all decisions for me, not necessarily in my best interest.

Furthermore, I also was led to believe that there was essentially "no hope", that I had something progressive, debilitating, and horrible, and that the euphamism of "management" was an empty promise.

I don't feel that way now. It has been hard getting even this far, I know I still have further to go, but at least I feel I am making progress. A lot of that is due to finally, after 2 years, almost to the day this started, finding the "right kind" of therapist to help, a trauma specialist who really knows his stuff.

So, better. Not perfect, but better. Eventually maybe I will truly make peace with all of this. It's a goal to work towards.

[MotownJohnny]

BTW, I DO read on a lot of boards, and I know there are a lot of people here in the PsyCentral community who have some pretty serious conditions but still get out in the trenches every day, same as I do, and hold down careers, have families, manage their affairs, and generally live "regular" lives.

I find these people inspiring, you all give me a lot of hope.

It is said that enlightenment is a journey, not a destination. I suspect the same could be said about mental health. It sounds to me as though you journey is well on it's way. I celebrate you!

[SnakeCharmer]

Motown Johnny, your message is inspiring. I'm really sorry you had a bad experience with your first brush with a pdoc and the partial hospitalization (or day treatment) program you've talked about. It's sounded as if you had the bad luck to have a wet blanket of negativity tossed your way. It's really nice to hear you're shrugging that off and moving forward.

Having the right kind of therapist can make all the difference in the world. I congratulate you on all the hard work you've done. It's been visible here at PsychCentral.

[Werewoman]

Johnny,

I've been reading your posts since I've been on the forums, and I have to say, I'm impressed. You're struggles have been heart-wrenching to read at times, as I think all of us here experience - some more than others - and I think it takes more courage to be 'one of us' than it does a 'normal person', if you know what I mean. For me, it makes our accomplishments all the more sweeter because we have to work so much harder for it, imo.

I hope I am making sense. I seem to be having problems with proper grammar today.

WW