[cypherious]

Ok, as I said in my intro post, this coming Monday I have an appointment with my GP, and plan to be completely truthful about how I am.

I have been treated for anxiety/depression for 20years, but I've never been able to tell my GP or therapist (not currently under a therapist, will be seeking a referral again) about my mood swings, exactly how bad my depression/anxiety can be etc.

I suffer from high moods where I want to do all kinds of things in the world, usually fixating on something and will spend weeks researching online and in libraries until my mood changes or I have another random thought.

I can also be in a calm & generally happy mood, then something trivial will make me snap and I become a nasty aggressive person, often taking it out on my family (verbally not physically) or I break stuff.

Then that leaves the depressed mood swings where I don't want to do anything except sit in a dark corner and cry, I used to self harm during this stage but have managed to bring that under control myself through meditation.

I also impulsively buy animals and food?!

A quick example of a mood swing of mine, this particular happening is the reason I am going to see my GP;

Tuesday last week everything was fine and dandy, my wife took our son to work as normal but, was a little later home than I was expecting, which made me livid for zero reason, I didn't speak to my wife or anyone else for the rest of that day, the next morning we had a row about it (antagonised by me) I then told my wife I was leaving her, had a row with my mother and sister, smashed a mobile (cell) phone, walked for 4 miles in the pouring rain and sat in the cemetery for 2 hours talking to my dead brothers grave.
I then got a bus home, wife came home after visiting her own brother and I was again happy and acting as if the last 36hours had not happened.

This is one example of many. I have been like this almost my entire life and I can't carry on like this but, I'm so scared of what the outcome and diagnosis/treatment plan might be?!?

[jaynedough]

It's good to be upfront about these things. Holding stuff back potentially keeps you from getting adequate treatment and can actually result in the wrong treatment. It's good that you're going to get a referral for a therapist. IDK how your medical system works, so please forgive this question if it's stupid: When you say going to a therapist, do you mean one who will prescribe meds? It's important to have a psych doc do your meds so you get the treatment you need. I think of it kinda like asking a neurosurgeon to perform cardiac surgery. Yeah, that was covered in med school, but the heart and brain are two different systems. Similarly, a GP had psych coursework, but it's not something s/he is proficient in.
I hope your appointment goes well. Hopefully it'll be a relief to get it all out.

(Sorry if this is rambling.)

[cypherious]

It's not a silly question, it will be a psychiatrist I will be requesting a referral to who is able to prescribe meds along with the GP, but this has to come from my GP unless I choose to pay private, which I cannot afford right now.

I will also be asking to be referred to a therapist/councelor to talk about my problems in general.

[avlady]

i hope you get the help you need it did sound like you went a little too far. meds can help and t too. good luck!!

[(JD)]

It can feel scary but truly... think about it. A diagnosis is basically a tool doctors use (and have to use) to have insurance companies pay for services and to direct the MDs in better treatment for you.

A diagnosis does not change who you are or with what you are suffering... you'd be the same with or without the "title"... but I think you will feel better just knowing you're on the right track with treatment.

Feel better soon.

[gayleggg]

I'm glad you have decided to be upfront with your doctor. I know it can be scary but they can't help you if they don't know what's going on. You are doing the right thing. A diagnosis can help them help you. It's no different than being diagnosed with a medical condition. They had to know what is going on so they can help.

[marmaduke]

Be honest will your doc. A diagnosis is not to be scared of it means you can get help. You will probably wish you had done this years ago!
If you have difficulty explaining yourself to a doctor, print off your post and take that.

[cypherious]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Be honest will your doc. A diagnosis is not to be scared of it means you can get help. You will probably wish you had done this years ago!
If you have difficulty explaining yourself to a doctor, print off your post and take that.

That's a good idea, thank you.

[zegami]

Don't worry about diagnosis, its just a categorization method to pacify insurance companies. Thing is we are all different and no book is gonna have have our diagnosis. You can have 2 people diagnosed bipolar and have similar symptoms but be totally different outcomes.

In the end look for your symptoms and see if you can find a way to work around your pproblems and know what sets you off and what helps.

Otherwise just bide your time and make the best of life.